


The Reid Effect

by severaance



Series: The Reid Effect Verse [1]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Autistic Character, Fluff, Happy Ending, Kid Fic, M/M, Parent Death, a lot less dark than it sounds i promise, and some angst because it's me and you shouldn't expect any less
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 14:54:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 50,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6380722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/severaance/pseuds/severaance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When five year old Ruby Joy Morgan toddled into Spencer Reid's life, he had no idea the adventure he was about to embark on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kindness, You're Killing Me

**Author's Note:**

> im back with an all new verse! in this, derek is a single father of a five year old girl, ruby, who has asperger's. spencer's immediately smitten with the little family. to avoid any confusion, i imagine ruby as looking like a younger version of april star (https://www.instagram.com/p/BBOP3pYK9ve/?hl=en & https://www.instagram.com/p/_FHlttK9nN/?hl=en) anyways, i hope you guys enjoy this fic as much as i enjoyed writing it! please let me know what you think. until next time!

Spencer Reid did not like children. Well, that wasn't entirely true. He didn't dislike children, he just disliked being in their presence. He supposed it was because they hate being near him just as much he hates being near them. Him and kids had a mutual understanding. They didn't bother each other, because they could just tell they wouldn't mesh well. It's like a fucked up kind of child hating Vulcan mind meld.

A certain little someone apparently did not get this message. Spencer was  
re-re-rereading Chuck Palahniuk's Invisible Monsters at a bench in the local park when a girl no older than six made her way over to him. She plopped down right in front of him on the ground and stared at him with a smile.

"Hi, mister." She said simply, startling Spencer from his reverie.

"I like your book. I like the lady on the front. Does it have any other pictures?" The little girl questioned, trying to get a peak at the page Spencer was on.

"Uh- Where is your.. Adult?" Spencer asked, bewildered. The little girl pointed off somewhere in the distance, causing Spencer to lean in and squint. He could make out a tiny blob of a man in some far, far away land and he gulped helplessly.

"I'm Ruby. Ruby Joy. Poppa calls me that when he's mad at me." The girl - Ruby - began to nonchalantly pick at the grass. "What does your poppa call you when he's mad at you?"

Spencer snorted at that. How do you say, Freak? Spaz? The Bane of my Existence?

"My name is Spencer. Listen, Ruby, you should-" Spencer started before Ruby squeed loudly.

"Spencer!? Like the penguin in Pinocchio?! Do you go on adventures? Where's your fancy outfit?" She was bouncing on the ground, looking at him like he held the key to Disneyland.

"No, no, I'm not a penguin. I'm a person. See?" Spencer said as he pinched his arm. "Person." Ruby laughed at that.

"You're funny. I like you. I'm happy we're friends." She said with a wide grin, her teeth stark white against her dark brown skin.

"Ruby, you can't talk to strangers like this." Spencer said with a deep sigh. Ruby's face instantly fell and Spencer mentally kicked himself.

"You don't like me, do you?" She asked rhetorically. Her bottom lip started to quiver. Oh, boy. Here it comes. Spencer was about to have a random, crying child on his hands in the middle of a public park. Because that looked great to onlookers. Yep, nothing to see here folks. No kidnapping going on on my watch.

"It's okay, Mister Spencer. Persons don't like me very much." Ruby said with a small shrug. That broke Spencer's heart. He felt for the little weirdo. He felt like he _was_ the little weirdo. He even thought she was, dare he say, cute. She had big brown eyes that Spencer knew kept her out of trouble, deep dark skin with patches of white surrounding her eyes and on her hands and arms, and shoulder length kinky, coily hair that was half down and half up in two little buns on the top of her head. And the way she spoke? She seemed to not have a care in the world. She was fearless and happy, carefree and eager to make friends. That frightened Spencer deeply. He didn't want anything bad to happen to the little one.

"No, Ruby, I do like you. I'm sure you're a nice girl." Spencer said awkwardly as he closed his book and stood up, Ruby following suit. "But we really need to get you back to your-" Oh, _fuck_.

"Poppa!" Ruby yelled as she ran to the incredibly infuriated man that stood in front of Spencer. He was the epitome of an alpha male, a gym rat above all gym rats. One of his biceps was the size of Spencer's head and it flexed as he hoisted his daughter up with ease. He held Ruby protectively at his side, and at that moment, Spencer knew, he fucked up.

"This is Mister Spencer! Like Spencer the penguin! We're friends, he showed me his book and said he liked me!" Ruby exclaimed excitedly.

"He likes you, huh?" Her father said as he stepped closer into Spencer's bubble. "Isn't that something?" He practically snarled at Spencer, putting Ruby down behind him, shielding her with his body.

"Something you wanna say for yourself, pal?" The man questioned, face mere inches away from Spencer's. Now was probably not the time to say he was hot, right? Nope. Definitely not.

"I, um, listen, Ruby, she-" Spencer stammered, recoiling when the man let out a low growl.

"Your.. Child, she wandered over to me. I was about to come find you when.. You found us." Spencer offered lamely with a nervous chuckle. Ruby looked at him from behind her father's legs with a wide smile.

"You expect me to believe that? You're sick." He spat back in response. "We're leaving, Ruby. Now." He grabbed Ruby's hand, but she let out a whine of protest and shrugged out of his grip, running over to Spencer.

"No, I like him! He's my friend!" She gripped Spencer's leg, causing him to jump back several feet. "He needs friends, see? He was all alone, it made me sad. I wanted to be his friend, you told me to make friends!"

Her father's eyes darted between Spencer and his child, unsure of what was happening until he sighed in exasperation, realization settling in.

"Baby, you can't.. You can't run away from me like that, and you can't talk to adults like you did with.. Mister Spencer." He looked at Spencer and gave him a weak apologetic smile. Ruby, of course, chose that moment to burst into tears and once again grip Spencer's leg.

"But he was so sad! He needs friends, I know what it's like to have no friends! Poppa, please don't be mad, I just wanted to make a friend." She sobbed helplessly into Spencer's pant leg. The man stared at her in disbelief, rushing forward to grab her.

"I'm- I'm so sorry, she never does this." He said as he scooped Ruby up, much to her dismay. "Ruby, I'm- Poppa's sorry, okay? You were being very nice to our friend Spencer here, and that makes me happy. But it makes me sad and a little mad that you would run away and not tell me. That makes me worried. Do you remember that word I taught you? Anxious? That makes poppa anxious." He told Ruby softly, wiping her cheeks with his thumbs.

"Your mad voice is gone." Ruby commented, looking at him with hopeful eyes. "Is it just hiding or did it go to bed?" She asked uncertainly.

Her father gave her a small smile in response. "It's gone, baby. Gone to sleep." Ruby nodded stoically then looked at Spencer, who was experiencing the worlds weirdest mixture of heartbreak, terror, and arousal at the sight of her father.

"Can Spencer come to Friendly's with us? He's skinny. He needs ice cream." Ruby said critically, scrutinizing Spencer's body. He blushed and shifted on his feet, trying to shy away from her gaze. Jesus, you know you need to get your shit together when a preschooler makes you feel insecure.

"Ruby J- Honey, that's.. You can't say that, that makes people sad." Her father replied with another big sigh. "I'm sure Spencer's very busy." He looked up at Spencer whose eyes widened slightly.

"Oh, I- no, no, I'm not busy." Spencer said quickly. "But, I really don't want to bother you more than I already have so I should just g-" And that's when Spencer Reid discovered his kryptonite.

Ruby was looking at him with wide, hopeful eyes, still shiny from her little tantrum. Spencer sighed in resolve, unable to resist her wordless charm. He even offered her a soft, genuine smile.

"I- Okay. Okay, if it's no trouble, I can-" Ruby's loud "YAY!" drowned out the rest of Spencer's sentence. He instinctively reached up and covered his ears at the loud sound. Ruby didn't seem to notice, but her father, however, shot him a sympathetic look.

"Thank you, man, and fu- _fudge_ , I'm so sorry about this. I'm Derek, by the way." He reached out to shake Spencer's hand and the latter man gulped. It probably wasn't a good idea to tell a guy who almost beat him up for presumably trying to kidnap his child that he was mysophobic? Spencer bit the bullet and gave the man, Derek, the most awkward uncomfortable handshake in the history of awkward uncomfortable handshakes. If Derek thought Spencer was strange, he was certainly doing a good job at hiding it. He shook Spencer's hand, enthusiastically working with what he was given. Spencer smiled at that, and Derek easily returned the sentiment, though there was something sad about it. His eyes looked tired.

"We can walk you to your car and you can meet us there." Derek said softly, repositioning Ruby on his hip.

"Oh, I walked here." Spencer said, rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding eye contact. He really did not want to ride in the car with them, but he found himself so smitten by that cute little girl and her impossibly hot father that he'd suffer through the world's stickiest car ride ever if it meant getting to ogle at Derek, even if flirtations were hindered by the fact that his daughter was present. And also, you know, because Spencer couldn't flirt to save his life.

"That's cool, it's not that far so we can all walk together." Derek said, looking over to Ruby and smiling. She squirmed and shimmied out of Derek's grip and immediately went to Spencer's side and took his hand in hers.

"Let's go!" She demanded, tugging on Spencer's arm. Derek looked like he was about to reprimand her, but something washed over him and he just simply smiled instead. Spencer didn't mind being bossed around by Ruby, really. And, although he knew about the millions upon billions of germs her disgusting little kid fingers were hosting, he did think it was kinda cute the way her tiny hand fit in his.

Ruby immediately began skipping, urging Spencer to do the same before Derek intervened.

"Ruby, we're old guys, remember? Can't skip like you can." He teased, poking Ruby in the side, letting out a chuckle when she squealed.

"Can I walk ahead then? I promise I won't go away this time! And I know where to go! Please?" Ruby pleaded. Derek was putty in her little hands. He sighed but then smiled that soft, sad smile and nodded. She released Spencer's hand and skipped ahead a couple feet. Derek was a big ball of tension, watching his daughter like a hawk.

"So.. Where is she on the spectrum?" Spencer questioned simply. Derek looked at him with wide eyes and Spencer was sure he'd made a mistake before he heard the other man sigh.

"They say Aspergers, but.. I don't know. She's just different, you know? I worry about her." Derek chewed on his bottom lip as he and Spencer followed close behind Ruby, who kept stopping to talk to the ants.

"How'd you know?" Derek questioned, stuffing his hands into his pockets and looking to Spencer.

"Takes one to know one." Spencer replied easily with a smile. Derek grinned at that, letting out a quiet chuckle before his face became sad once again. Spencer frowned at that and tilted his head to the side slightly.

"So, uh.. Are you gonna ask, or..?" Derek said ambiguously. Spencer narrowed his eyes at him in confusion. "About her mom." Derek clarified. Spencer let out a small "oh" before he shook his head.

"No. I grew up in a single parent household. I still want to stab myself every time someone asks where my dad is." Spencer said with an airy laugh. Derek nodded in agreement.

"Mhm, I hear that." He said with a sigh.

"Poppa, look!" Ruby yelled, pointing out the small red and white building that was Friendly's. It was like Spencer was entering the first circle of Hell with Dante and Virgil. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

They waited a good ten minutes to get seated, but it felt like an eternity to Spencer. One rugrat was fine. At least she was cute, and her dad was hot. But a room filled with rugrats? Crying, screaming, sticky, wet rugrats, with fathers who had beer guts and mothers who were too exhausted to shower more than once a week? God help us all.

When they were finally situated at a booth, Spencer was faced with a silly yet nerve racking dilemma; where he fuck can he sit? Surely it would be weird to just sit next to Derek. And it'd be equally weird if he sat with Ruby. And it'd just be uncomfortable if they all crammed together in one seat. With a sigh, he decided to just plop down and let the chips fall where they may. The chips happened to be Ruby and the place they had fallen happened to be Spencer's lap. Spencer let out a yelp at that, his knee shooting up and hitting the table.

"Ruby Joy!" Derek hissed, looking over his shoulder momentarily. "You don't sit in a stranger's lap!" He whisper-yelled. Ruby pouted, her eyebrows pulling together in confusion.

"I'm not sitting in a stranger's lap. I'm in Spencer's lap. He's my friend." She said slowly, like it was obvious. To her, it was. Derek huffed and dropped his face into his hands before Spencer spoke up.

"I think what.. Poppa, is trying to say is that we are friends, yes, but we haven't known each other very long. It's important to know a friend for a little bit of time before you can sit with them like this." He explained to Ruby with a tiny smile. She looked up at him, blinked, then shrugged and climbed out of his lap, settling down right up next to him. It's the little victories that count. Derek mouthed a 'thank you' from across the table, to which Spencer just gave a nod.

"Are you all set to order here?" Their waitress asked as she approached the table, a bit apprehensively.

"I want that!" Ruby yelled as she pointed at a sugary monstrosity on the menu. The waitress looked at her incredulously then looked at Spencer and Derek.

"Dads? Is that okay?" She asked hesitantly. Spencer blushed and looked down while Derek sputtered a little bit, but didn't correct her.

"Uh- ah, no. No, sorry, kidlet. Can you just get her a scoop of vanilla with peanut butter cups in it?" Derek requested, shooting a glance at a mortified Spencer. His face was bright red and burning as he studied the menu. Ruby was oblivious to the scene, pouting at her dad. How dare he save her from early onset diabetes.

The waitress nodded slowly at them. "And for.. you two?" She asked of Derek and Spencer. The latter was starting to get a little pissed off. They weren't a couple and Spencer didn't have a problem with her thinking they were, except he was slightly afraid of the thought of Derek disliking it, but why'd she have to be so snotty? They didn't have gay, interracial cooties, thank you very much.

"Oh, we don't want anything, she just-" Derek started but, of course, Ruby cut him off.

"Poppa, I told you, Spencer needs ice cream! Lady, get him this!" She demanded, still pointing at the picture of a mountain of ice cream. Spencer looked helplessly at the waitress before he simply shrugged and nodded. She was so bewildered by Ruby's actions she left silently after taking the order.

"Ruby, you can't talk to people like that." Derek reprimanded his daughter in a strained voice. She didn't question him, just stared at him owlishly with those big brown eyes before turning to Spencer.

"What's your job, Spencer? My daddy builds big places, like houses and skytouchers!" Ruby asked excitedly, looking up at Spencer with a proud grin. He smiled at that and replied, "I'm a teacher."

Ruby's face fell at that and she squirmed in her seat. "You're not.. A mean teacher, right? Not like Mrs. Higgins, who always yells at me?" Spencer frowned at that, hearing Derek sigh from across the table, and shook his head.

"No, I'm a nice teacher. Promise." He said, holding out his pinky. It was he last thing he's ever consider doing, but in the presence of Ruby he just couldn't help himself from acting childlike. She wrapped her little pinky around his and Spencer grinned widely. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Derek smiling as well.

A few moments later the temperamental waitress returned with Ruby's dish and a giant heart attack waiting to happen. She laid it out in front of Spencer as she mumbled 'enjoy' before retreating once again. Spencer gaped at the dish before him, unsure of where to even start. It was a good six scoops of ice cream with various different toppings he couldn't even recognize.

"Man, let me help you with that." Derek said with a chuckle, grabbing Spencer's spoon and digging in. Spencer's eyes widened as Derek put the spoon in his mouth and just fucking sucked up the ice cream like a vacuum. Spencer wondered would that mouth could do to his- woah, woah. No. No way. Can't catch me gay thoughts.

Derek looked at Spencer then dropped the spoon. "Oh, shit, sorry! That's the only spoon, isn't it?" He bit the inside of his cheek and if Spencer didn't know better he'd say Derek was blushing.

"Poppa, what's 'shit'?" Ruby questioned, looking at her father curiously. She'd had her ice cream for all of 30 seconds and nearly half of it was on her face already.

"A bad word little girls shouldn't say." Derek squeaked out as he stared at his daughter, flabbergasted and embarrassed. The people at the table next to them were giving dirty looks at Ruby, but Spencer glared at them right back. He felt protective of the kid already. Jesus, who was he?

"We can um.. share the spoon?" Spencer offered to Derek, who nodded dumbly. Spencer slowly took the spoon from Derek, their fingers brushing together. They maintained some serious eye contact as Spencer put a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth. He swallowed and licked his lips, watching as Derek coughed and sputtered.

"Grown-ups are weird." Ruby mumbled, digging into the last of her ice cream. Both men blushed and looked away, staring down at the table ashamedly. The ate the rest of their ice cream in silence, save for Ruby's little anecdotes here and there. Derek and Spencer shared Spencer's dish, after having asked the waitress for another spoon. Once they were finished, they paid the bill and gave the shitty waitress an equally shitty tip. When they exited the building, Spencer realized it had actually gotten quite late. The sun was setting and the air was brisk and chilly.

"Mister Spencer, up! Pick me up!" Ruby urged once they were outside, grabbing both of Spencer's legs at the front and smiling up at him devilishly. Spencer stared at her wide eyed, as he often did when she spoke. Derek leaned in to grab Ruby's arm and reprimand her but Spencer beat him to it and hoisted her up, and, holy fuck, she was heavier than she looked.

"Yay!" She exclaimed, wrapping her arms tightly around Spencer's neck. Spencer choked and sputtered at that, but her grip didn't loosen.

"Ruby, please don't strangle Mister Spencer." Derek said, voice strained as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Ruby glared at her father but slowly loosened the vice, opting to bury her face into Spencer's neck. They walked back to Derek's car, Spencer's arm muscles slowly but surely giving out. By that time, Ruby had dozed off in his arms and was a dead weight. She was also drooling on Spencer's shirt, and Spencer fought the urge to immediately run home and burn the thing. Just then, Derek quietly took Ruby from Spencer's arms and placed her in her car seat, careful to not disturb her.

"Alright, where to?" Derek said, clapping his hands together as he closed the car door. Spencer looked at him in confusion before his eyes widened and he began to shake his head.

"Oh, no, no you don't have to do that. Really, it's fine, it's only 6.87 miles and I-" Derek scoffed at Spencer in disbelief and ushered him over to the passenger's seat.

"Yeah, no." He told Spencer simply, opening the car door for him. Spencer blushed and opened his mouth to protest, but he stepped inside wordlessly instead.

"Where to?" Derek repeated, looking sternly at Spencer, who stuttered as he gave directions. They drove mostly in silence, until Derek looked at Spencer and sighed softly.

"Man, I'm sorry I almost kicked the shit out of you." He said as he chuckled and shook his head. "Rue really likes you. I mean, she's always.. A little too nice to strangers, but you.. Man, she really likes you." Derek reiterated as he looked down at the steering wheel a bit sadly.

"I just really wish it was easier to communicate with her, you know? I feel like it's in one ear and out the other. She just doesn't get the way regular people talk and, man, it's frustrating. She's so little and I feel so bad for getting angry with her, but it scares me, because she's so oblivious, more than other kids. I want her to be normal some times." Derek confessed quietly. Spencer watched him and chewed on his bottom lip for a few seconds before he asked, "Can I give you some slightly harsh words of advice?"

Derek looked at him warily but nodded slowly, and Spencer took a deep breath. "It's not about you. The minute you become a parent, it's stops being about you. And, I mean this in the nicest way possible, and I'm really not trying to get my ass handed to me, but.. Get over it. Ruby, she's special. She's different, she's got a very peculiar and fascinating view of the world. Having Aspergers it's.. It's not like you're living in your own world; instead, it's like you're living in a world you don't understand. Nothing makes sense, but over time, you learn to cover your perceived ignorance by mimicking the actions of your peers, by reading books by non-autistic people and memorizing their syntax, by inserting yourself into the minds of others and pretending you understand what it's like to be them. But it's hard, because we can't naturally do that. It's foreign, and almost feels impossible. And for Ruby? Like you said, she's so young. She's smart, wickedly smart, I can just tell, but she doesn't think anything is wrong with her because there isn't. The world wants to put her, a square peg, in a circle box, only caring about how hard it is to get her to fit and not how much they're destroying what makes her unique. She doesn't think she needs to adapt to experience the world in its fullest. And it's heartbreaking to realize one day she'll be told something is wrong with her and begin to stifle all her beautiful quirks. It is inevitable and can't be prevented, because we sadly don't live in a perfect world, but what you can do is encourage her. Find ways to communicate with her. Think outside the proverbial box and be innovative. Because, trust me, she'll appreciate it more than you could ever realize."

Derek looked at Spencer, bewildered by his honesty, but slowly began to nod. "I- Jesus, I never thought about it that way. You're right. Fuck, dude, you're right. I've been so selfish. All I can think about when I wake up in the morning isn't how much I love her, how much she means to me, it's how hard it is to get out of bed and face the day. I've gotta be strong for her, I've gotta suck it up and learn to understand her." Derek said, nodding to himself as he made a silent promise. Spencer hesitantly placed his hand on Derek's shoulder, and the two shared a smile before Spencer cleared his throat.

"This is me." Spencer said, jerking his head towards a rundown apartment complex. Derek reached out to stop him from leaving just yet.

"Hey, um, do you think we could exchange numbers? I know Rue's gonna wanna see you again. She never forgets the people she meets and always asks me about them, and with how much she likes you, there's no doubt she's gonna beg to see you, so." Derek said, rubbing his hand along the back of his neck. Spencer nodded and offered his phone to Derek so he could input his number. Derek did the same for the other man, and soon they both had each other's contact information.

"I'll talk to you later?" Spencer said awkwardly, beginning to chew on his lip, and, damn, were they sore. He really needed to stop doing that. Derek nodded in response and got out to open the door for Spencer, despite his attempt to protest.

"Goodnight, Spencer." Derek told Spencer, reaching out to shake his hand. Spencer slowly grasped Derek's hand in his and totally didn't think about how good Derek's callouses felt against his soft fingers.

"Night." Spencer replied dumbly, looking down at their hands before he pulled away slowly after too many seconds. He headed towards the door to his complex, looking over his shoulder and waving goodbye to the small family. When he entered his apartment, he couldn't hold back the wide smile that broke out on his face as he crawled into bed and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The soul is healed by being with children." Fyodor Dostoyevsky


	2. Le Plus Beau du Quartier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warnings for ableist behavior and language towards an autistic character

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all! so ive realized the chapters ive been writing for this are super long (about 5,000 words) and while im fast im not that fast so there may be a one or two day lull in updates. so sorry! but, for now, enjoy this and until next time!  
> also: this is what i imagine derek's house looking like. i checked out zillow and found this place in dc and thought it was so cute.   
> http://www.zillow.com/homedetails/2625-O-St-NW-Washington-DC-20007/429998_zpid/  
> and here are some of the songs mentioned in this chapter. the title of it is a carla bruni song, english translation 'the most handsome boy in town  
> http://youtu.be/rzeLynj1GYM  
> http://youtu.be/z_2dSjsRbPA

For one long, tantalizing week, Spencer went through the motions, trying desperately not to think about his encounter with Derek and Ruby. Yet, every time he tried to focus on a task, his mind seemed to wander back to the moment he met them. Similar to what Derek had said about his daughter, Spencer never forgot a face. It was different with those two, though. They stood out much more prominently in his head and gave Spencer a strange feeling in his stomach, as well as a stupid grin on his face that even one of his students teased him about. He was so taken by Derek and Ruby, it was ridiculous. He supposed his infatuation with Derek was just due to his appearance, but Spencer knew inside that was bull. Was he a walking Ralph Lauren ad? Hell yes. But that wasn't it at all. Spencer was smitten by the way Derek treated his daughter, with such fierce loyalty and protectiveness, as well as patience, despite his little confession. Spencer knew Derek adored his child, and, even though he thought dealing with her was difficult, Spencer was certain Derek would never abandon her. It was refreshing to meet a man so dedicated to and passionate about his child. Lord knows Spencer didn't encounter many of those.

So, that's why it was quite the pleasant surprise when Sunday morning rolled around and Spencer awoke to the shrill sound of his cell phone ringing right next to his ear. He promptly sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes before he answered with a groggy, "Hello?"

"Hey, Spencer, it's Derek. Ruby's dad. Uh, listen, we were gonna go to the museum, the Smithsonian, today and Rue really, really wants you to come. What do you say? If you're not busy, that is." Derek's voice came through from the other end of the line. Spencer's eyes widened and he practically jumped out of bed.

"I'd love that!" He replied a bit too enthusiastically. He heard Derek chuckle softly at his zeal and Spencer cursed himself. "Will I be meeting you two there?"

"Yeah, man, that's cool. I'll call you back when we're leaving. Thanks for this. She's really excited." Derek said with a laugh, and Spencer could make out the sound of Ruby squealing in the background. He let himself laugh as well and smiled widely.

"I'm excited, too." Spencer admitted sheepishly. He was being honest - he was really happy to be able to go to the museum. It was the one thing that simultaneously stayed the same and yet was also ever changing. There were certain staples that always stayed, but there were constantly new exhibits and that invigorated Spencer intellectually. Damn, he sounded pretentious. But, museums were cool as shit. And spending a day with Hot Dad? Even better.

"Alright, dude, I'll hit you back when we're ready. See ya." Derek said, letting Spencer get in a quick "bye" before he disconnected the call. Then, a thought struck Spencer: What the hell could he wear? What was even appropriate for the situation? He always just wore button ups and slacks or, seldom, jeans, with a sweater vest or cardigan. Was that too nerdy? And glasses. Should he wear his glasses? His contacts were bothering him lately, but he figured he'd just suffer through wearing them for today. He didn't want Derek to think he was some kind of geek. Which, hey, he was, but still. He decided to just pack them in his satchel along with his contact case and solution, just in case.

He took a quick shower, using one of his more expensive body washes just because, and he actually conditioned his hair for once. He also wasn't sure if he should wear cologne. Probably not, but he ignored that thought and spritzed some on anyways. It was Versace, an indulgent gift he got himself for his birthday, and smelled.. Yellow. With green and orange undertones to it. For Spencer, it was easier to use colors to describe senses and emotions. Sometimes words just didn't feel right in his mouth, but color words never failed.

After he was dressed and so-fresh-n-so-clean-clean, he began to get a little worried. He hadn't heard from Derek yet, and it had been a good thirty to forty-five minutes. He internally debated calling him, but was pretty sure that would make him sound desperate. He didn't have to worry about that, though, because at that moment, his phone rang.

"Hey, Derek." Spencer answered, trying to sound cool. It didn't work.

"Hey, man, I'm really sorry to do this to you, but Rue's impossible to get ready. It's gonna be a little while." Spencer could hear the tension in Derek's voice and frowned. He could make out the faint sound of Ruby crying and his frown deepened at that.

"Would you like me to come over and help? I really wouldn't mind." Spencer offered in response, then bit his tongue. That was weird, wasn't it? It was totally weird.

"That would.. Yeah. Yeah, please." Derek said in a small voice. Spencer supposed the man wasn't used to asking for help. He imagined it was hard for him, though, raising a child all on his own. Spencer didn't know the situation with Ruby's mother, but he figured she wasn't in the picture, or at least wasn't much of a help if she was. Whatever the case, it seemed as though Derek really didn't have anyone to help him with Ruby, and that just didn't seem fair to him.

"I'll be over in a minute. Send me the address?" Spencer said with a reassuring smile, although he knew Derek couldn't see.

"Alright. Thank you, Spencer. Really, you're a good guy." Derek said genuinely. Spencer's smile grew at that and he nodded to himself before the two men said their goodbyes. Spencer's phone pinged with a new text that held Derek's address. So, off he went, awfully eager to be confronted with a crying, reluctant child. The drive to Derek's house felt far too long, and anxiety had begun to fester in the pit of Spencer's stomach. How exactly could he be of any help to Derek? He had zero experience with children. What could he even do that would actually be helpful? He'd most likely just get in the way.

As Spencer pulled up to the quaint family home, he took in a shaky breath and willed his hands to turn off the ignition and open up the door. He took in the sight before him and couldn't help but smile. It was slightly rustic, with a brick exterior. No doubt the inside was beautiful. Spencer recalled Ruby saying her dad 'built things', so he figured maybe Derek was an architect. He wondered if Derek had designed the house. He wouldn't put it past him. It was very Derek-y.

His legs carried him up the steps of the stoop and he reached out to knock on the door, but it swung open before he could. When he looked forward and saw no one, his eyes traveled downwards and he was met with a very excited Ruby.

"Mister Spencer!" She yelled, grabbing him around the legs. Spencer nearly fell backwards down the stairs but caught himself. He patted Ruby's head, and it was then that he realized she had no pants or shoes on. His eyes widened at that and he looked into the house to find Derek rushing towards the door. He snatched Ruby up immediately and ushered Spencer inside before slamming the door shut.

"Ruby, you can't do that!" Derek exclaimed, pulling her back over to the couch, where her pants, shoes, and various hair products laid.

"Why?" Ruby asked as she cocked her head, exaggerating the syllable. Derek threw his hands up and groaned softly.

"Because that's private! You can't let strangers see you naked!" He scolded, setting her down on the couch. Ruby's bottom lip began to quiver as she stared at her father from behind her lashes.

"Why is your mad voice visiting?" She asked quietly, eyes tearing slightly. Derek sighed and ran his hand over his head.

"I'm not- it's going to bed now, okay? Taking a trip away. I'm not mad. I'm not. But you can't do that. Only poppa, grandma and grandpa, and mom-mom can see you like that. It's not appropriate for other people. You remember what I said about that word, appropriate? You're not supposed to do things that poppa says are inappropriate. You understand?" Derek questioned hopefully. Slowly, Ruby nodded.

"O-okay. Spencer, go away. I'm naked." She said bluntly, though she didn't seem ashamed or embarrassed. She was just doing it for her father's sake. Spencer nodded blindly at that, having had his eyes covered by his hand for the whole ordeal. He turned his back to her and Derek and waited until Derek said, "Okay, we're good."

Spencer turned around apprehensively and sighed in relief when he saw Ruby had her leggings on. They were lime green, which went perfectly with her black and green striped sleeveless button down, which tied into a little knot at the hem. To top it all off, she had on hunter green Nike's with a black swoosh. Damn, the kid dressed better than most adults.

"Sit down, let me do your hair." Derek requested, patting his lap as he grabbed the wide array of hair products. Ruby shrieked and ran into the dining room in horror. Derek sighed heavily and went to go chase her, but Spencer stopped him.

"I'll get her." He said, not allowing Derek to protest as he jogged after Ruby. He found her cowering under the table, stroking her hair protectively.

"Poppa pulls." She whined, looking at Spencer with wide eyes.

"Well.. I don't pull. Do you.. Want me to do it?" Spencer offered weakly. He knew nothing about doing girls' hair, let alone doing a black girl's hair. Her hair texture and curl pattern were eons away from comparing to Spencer's. But, Ruby didn't know that, and she nodded enthusiastically. She crawled out from under the table and took Spencer's hand in hers gently. They walked back to the living room and Derek smiled weakly.

"You gonna let me do it now?" He asked, biting the inside of his cheek. Ruby shook her head vehemently and Derek had to stifle a frustrated groan.

"Spencer will do it." She said plainly. Derek looked at Spencer incredulously.

"I- Do you have any idea what you're doing? No offense but.. She don't got hair like you, pretty boy." He said with a soft laugh. Spencer blushed at that but shrugged.

"How hard could it be?"

The answer? Very hard. He sat down with Ruby in his lap and simply stared at her wild hair, not knowing where to even start. He looked over at Derek, who laughed at him and handed him a spray bottle.

"Spray this on her roots and edges." He said as Spencer took it and nodded determinedly. He did as Derek said and then looked at him expectantly.

"Take this and run it along the lengths. Don't try to comb it through with your fingers, they'll just get stuck." Derek said as he thrusted another product in Spencer's hand. He worked the sweet smelling conditioner through Ruby's hair and then smiled. He was doing pretty good so far, considering.

"Good. Now, take this and scrunch up the ends. Like this." Derek said as he made a grabbing motion with his hand. Spencer nodded and took the last product, doing exactly as Derek told him.

"Man, you got it. This part's easy. Take this elastic and take this section," Derek instructed as he sectioned off the back portion of Ruby's hair, leaving some of the shorter pieces to fall in her face. "...and just tie it up in a pineapple." Spencer cocked his head at that.

"What does fruit have to do with hair?" He asked, earning a loud laugh from Derek.

"No, dude, nothing. It's just what they call it. Just gather this part up on the top of her head and wrap the elastic around it a couple times." He smiled at Spencer and handed over the band. Spencer did as instructed, smiling at his work.

"Perfect. Baby girl, you wanna do the honors?" Derek said to Ruby, handing her a green bandana. She squealed in delight and nodded, the pieces of hair in her face bouncing everywhere. She took the bandana and used it as a makeshift head wrap, tying it at the top of her head. She looked so adorable Spencer could actually coo at her.

"Woo, someone call the press, 'cause I got princess Tiana in my living room!" Derek said playfully as he whistled at Ruby, who giggled and grinned widely at her father, before she turned to Spencer and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

"Thank you!" She said innocently, hopping out of his lap and walking towards the door before Spencer had a chance to even react.

"Come on, let's go!" She yelled, already moving to open the door. Derek looked at a bewildered Spencer and laughed nervously.

"She's uh.. Very affectionate." He offered lamely. Spencer simply nodded, giving Derek a small smile. He wasn't offended, really, just a bit surprised. Not too often did he have kid lips anywhere near his face. Not too often did he have any lips near his face. But no one needed to know that.

"You're lazy!" Ruby complained as she crossed her arms and tapped her foot like a miniature version of an indignant, impatient mother.

"Hey, don't talk to us like that, little miss. We're coming." Derek said as he stood and grabbed his jacket. Ruby swung open the door at that very minute, forcing Spencer and Derek to chase after her as she bolted towards the car. Spencer, in natural Spencer style, lost his footing and tumbled backwards. Derek reacted quickly (Dad instincts are totally a thing) and placed a steadying hand on Spencer's lower back as he grabbed his shoulder tightly. Spencer leaned into the touch, dizzy with the feeling of Derek's strong hands on him. They shared such an intense bout of eye contact that it emitted an inordinate amount of sexual tension that anyone within a five mile radius could feel. Including Ruby, who was staring at them, half annoyed and half curious.

"Why are you just staring at each other?" She asked with an edge to her voice. Derek drew his hand back quickly, like a kid caught stealing a cookie. Spencer broke the eye contact and coughed, looking down at the ground inconspicuously.

"We're not." Derek said curtly, heading towards the car, not allowing Ruby to interrupt as he said, "Which exhibit would you guys like to see first? I heard they have one for March Madness. Spencer, you like basketball?" He asked, busying himself with strapping a reluctant Ruby into her car seat.

"Um.. Yes, I was on my high school's basketball team." Spencer said as he stepped into the car alongside Derek. Derek laughed softly at that.

"Man, you played basketball? That'd probably be a sight. Though, I don't know, you're pretty tall. Bet you were good at it." He said with a shake of the head and a grin.

Spencer blushed slightly at that and clarified, "I didn't play, I was the coach." Derek looked at him bewildered.

"How old were you that they let you coach the team?" He inquired, starting up the car and pulling away from the curb.

"Uh, I was twelve." Spencer mumbled quickly. He really didn't enjoy talking about his education with people. They often either felt inferior to him or teased him for it - sometimes in a friendly manner, but more often maliciously.

Derek's bewildered expression only grew as he stared at Spencer in disbelief. Man, why couldn't he just drive the damn car?

"What was a twelve year old doing in a high school?" He continued to grill Spencer, watching him out of the corner of his eye as he turned down the street.

"That was, uh, the year I graduated. I jumped ahead a few grades, so I started high school when I was 10 and managed to finish within two years." Spencer said with a shrug, looking out the window and swallowing while he prayed to the sweet deities to make this conversation end. He heard Derek whistle at that and wanted to curl into a hole and die. He never did well with compliments.

"That's impressive, man. I always thought I was a little smarty pants, 'cause I graduated a year early, but I got nothin' on you, huh?" Derek joked lightheartedly, then promptly dropped the conversation.

"Baby, you want music?" He asked, craning his neck back to look at his daughter, who nodded.

"I want the sad lady with the funny name who talks like an alien." She said cryptically. Spencer had no idea what the fuck that meant, but Derek, of course, did. He fumbled around for his phone and then handed it and the AUX cord to Spencer.

"Edith Piaf." Derek clarified. "Just play the greatest hits album." Spencer nodded and clicked through Derek's phone, slightly surprised by his taste in music. He had everything ranging from old school blues and jazz, to French and Latin pop, to 90's gangster rap, classic soft rock, and a few Taylor Swift songs as well. Derek would probably try to kid himself by saying they were for Ruby, but Spencer could tell it was Derek who liked her. Which, hey, that wasn't a problem. Spencer listened to Shania Twain and Selena Quintanilla.

La Vie En Rose began to play softly, but Ruby demanded "louder!" so Spencer complied and cranked up the volume, much to his own dismay. Ruby was kicking her feet, seemingly elated by the music as she hummed loudly with a wide smile on her face. Spencer and Derek both grinned at that.

"She likes things in different languages. She says sometimes 'real words' don't sound right and make her ears 'sad'." Derek said with a soft laugh. "She likes French and Spanish the most, though sometimes we listen to African music. Swahili." He looked at Ruby in the mirror and smiled widely at her. His whole face lit up at the sight of his daughter so completely relaxed and in her element. Spencer smiled as well as he watched Derek. The love Derek felt for his daughter, it was tangible.

"You should introduce her to Carla Bruni. She's more modern, so she doesn't have the same feel as Edith Piaf, but her songs are beautiful and fun." Spencer suggested. Derek turned that adoring smile towards him and Spencer practically melted.

"I'll check that out." He said simply before turning his attention back to the road. Spencer sighed contently and leaned his head against the window with a dopey grin on his face. He honestly had taken to Ruby quite a bit. He saw a lot of himself in her, though he was on the complete opposite of the spectrum when it came to their ASD's. Spencer was quiet and awkward, introverted and overly sensitive physically. But Ruby? Ruby was loud and brash and presented herself in the same way socially, and she seemed to enjoy a lot of the senses Spencer couldn't stand - loud, heavy, and constant sounds, as well as tight fitting clothes that made her feel safe. It was amazing to Spencer to see how differently the same disorder affected them.

Spencer went ahead and began to engage Ruby in a simple conversation about Edith Piaf, though it seemed his choice of language was boring her. Spencer smiled at that. He often felt under-stimulated intellectually. He had hated when adults talked to him like a child, because even though he was one, his brain was light years ahead of his body in maturity. He could tell it was the same with Ruby.

"She was said to be what France called the national _chanteuse_. She mainly sang what's called _chanson de geste_. The style that she sang in is called polyphonic, which means it had a two or more lines of melody instead of just one." Spencer rattled off, facing Ruby after he had turned in his seat. She smiled, wide and toothy, and said informatively, "Poly means a lot, like polygon! Those are funny shapes that have a lot of sides."

"That's right! Do you know what polyhedral is? That's like a polygon, but instead of being a flat drawing, it's a real object. Like a box. It's polyhedral because it's what's called three-dimensional and has a lot of sides, like you said." Spencer said in his teacher voice, his face lighting up when Ruby's did the same.

"Poly.. How'd you say it?" She said, stuck on the pronunciation. Spencer laughed softly and clarified it for her again.

"Poll-ee-hee-draw?" She asked. Spencer grinned and nodded in confirmation. "You got it."

Ruby gave him another toothy smile before she looked out the widow again.

"Okay. Shut up now, please." She said curtly, closing her eyes and relishing in the feeling of the cold glass against her cheek. Spencer huffed out a laugh and re-situated himself in his seat. Derek's eyes were wide and he looked like he was about to chastise Ruby, but Spencer just held up his hand and smiled reassuringly. Derek nodded slowly and turned the music up louder for Ruby, making the rest of the drive a wordless one.

When they exited the car and approached the museum, Ruby insisted on holding both Spencer and her father's hand at the same time. She grabbed one of each in her two little hands, trying to get Derek and Spencer to skip, but to no avail. Derek had an unreadable expression on his face, though if Spencer had to guess, it looked like a mixture of fear and embarrassment. Spencer frowned at that, but didn't have much time to dwell on it, as Ruby had begun to tell Spencer all about the new butterfly exhibit. When they entered through the museum doors, Spencer grabbed himself a pamphlet and was pleased to see that they had an exhibit dedicated to science fiction of the 18th and 19th centuries.

The little trio made their way over to the front desk where they needed to buy tickets. Spencer reached for his wallet, but Derek looked at him and shook his head.

"I got it." He said, flipping out his debit card and handing it to the older woman behind the desk before Spencer could even think to protest.

"You didn't have to do that." Spencer said, slightly angry. He felt like a burden to Derek, regardless of if Ruby liked him or not. It's not like Derek personally cared for him, anyways, right?

"I wanted to." Derek replied simply. He let the woman slip a wrist band onto his wrist and Spencer's as well.

"And for the little one, we've got stamps!" The woman said cheerily, turning to Ruby with a stamper. When she took Ruby's hand in hers, Ruby flinched, but when the woman pressed it to Ruby's hand, the girl began to scream bloody murder.

"Ruby!" Derek yelled, picking up his hysterical daughter and holding her face in his shoulder to drown out the sounds. "I'm so sorry, I don't know why she- I'm so, so sorry." Derek said, trying to will Ruby to stop her screaming, but to no avail.

"It's wet and squishy! I don't like it, make it go away!" She cried, kicking her legs and hitting Derek's back with her tiny fist. Derek looked at the flabbergasted woman, whose eyes were comically wide behind her glasses, and apologized once more before he darted down a hallway that led to the family bathroom, where he pulled Spencer and his daughter inside. She was squirming and thrashing wildly, rubbing and scratching harshly at her hand where the stamp was.

"Ruby, stop, you're gonna hurt yourself!" Derek pleaded, trying but failing to keep her in his arms. She managed to free herself from his hold and ran to the corner of the room, curling into a ball, still screaming.

"She hasn't done this in so long, I thought- I thought she grew out of it. Fuck, I-" Derek said, rubbing at his face. Spencer placed his hand on Derek's shoulder gently and gave him a kind, small smile before he turned to lock the door and proceeded to head over to Ruby.

"Ruby, it's Spencer. Like Spencer the penguin. You remember? Today is a warm day. It's almost spring, when the flowers come out. Right now, it's late in the day. We're in the bathroom at the museum. You're excited to see the butterflies. They're happy you're here, too. Your dad is in here as well. We're a little bit worried right now. Anxious. Scared. We want you to be happy, and if you're not happy then we aren't happy. We want you to stop scratching yourself, can you do that? That will make us feel better." Spencer said softly, sat directly in front of Ruby, hunching down a bit so she wasn't intimidated. Her screaming had dwindled off into rapid, erratic breaths with the occasional tearless sob. She tried to look up at Spencer, but it felt impossible. Instead, she slowly moved her hand away from the other one. Spencer looked sadly at the red patch of skin, the ink from the stamp all smudged around it.

"Thank you, Ruby, that was a very good thing to do. There's still some ink on your hand, though, and we need to get that off. Will you let me wipe it off with a paper towel? I won't make it squishy." Spencer requested apprehensively. Ruby let out a low whine and squeeze herself tighter into a little ball. She took a few deep breaths before she nodded slowly, to which Spencer gave a relieved smile. He stood and wet a paper towel just slightly, enough to wipe away the ink, and crouched back down.

"I'm going to take your hand in mine now, okay? My hands are soft, and they're not cold." He said to Ruby reassuringly. The girl nodded once again and Spencer gently took her hand in his, wiping away the residual ink. Her breathing had begun to slow but her eyes almost seemed glossy and far away.

"Okay, Ruby, you did very good. It's all gone now, and your hand is nice and dry." Spencer said with a smile. Ruby peeked at him sheepishly, then tackled him with a hug that she put all her body weight into. Spencer let out a surprised, "Oh!" but wrapped his arms around the girl anyways.

"I want poppa." She said with a whimper as she released Spencer from her vice grip. Derek took two long strides over to her and crouched down in front of her, scooping her up in his arms.

"You're okay, baby. I'm right here." Derek said confidently, though it didn't seem as though he was trying to reassure Ruby.

"Will the lady with the goggles make me get another wet and squishy?" Ruby asked fearfully, clinging to her father.

"No, kidlet. I'll have her give you a bracelet like me and Spencer got." Derek replied, holding up his wrist to show Ruby the bracelet. She nodded at that and gave her father a tight squeeze before she stood up and took his and Spencer's hands once again.

"The butterflies are waiting!" She said impatiently. Both men laughed at that and headed out of the room, smiling down at Ruby, who had apparently recovered quickly.

When they approached the front desk, Derek's cheeks heated up, but Spencer just squeezed Ruby's hand and looked the woman in the eye. Well, he stared at her nose, but still. It counts for something.

"She um- She wants a bracelet." Derek said, looking down at his daughter and offering a weak smile.

"We don't usually do that for kids, sir." The woman said curtly in a blasé tone. All the earlier cheeriness had disappeared and Spencer fought the urge to yell at her. Ruby was just a child, she had no right to be annoyed by her outburst.

"I don't care. Give her a damn bracelet." Derek said, losing all of his earlier resolve. Spencer smirked at that while he looked down at his shoes. The woman blinked at Derek several times before she retrieved a bracelet.

"Is she going to let me touch her this time?" Oh, hell no.

"Yeah, maybe if you stop being an ableist wench." Spencer bit out. Derek looked him with wild eyes as he pressed his lips together. The woman stared at Spencer and began to sputter like a fish out of water. She looked like she was about to say something, but Spencer could be a scary motherfucker when it came to defending people he cared about. He had that 'fuck with me, I'll meet you at the guard post at 4:00 and we'll throw hands' look and she didn't say a word as she snapped the bracelet onto Ruby, who was smiling at her like nothing had happened.

"I like your goggles." She commented innocently. The woman blushed and opened her mouth once again, but Derek, too, had mastered the 'Poppa Bear' look, and she snapped her mouth shut immediately.

"Thank you. Have a wonderful afternoon." Derek said with a venomous smile that unnerved even Spencer. He looked over at Spencer and gave him a genuine grin.

"Thank you." He said quietly. Spencer nodded and replied with a simple smile. The two men walked with a very excited Ruby, who kept talking about every exhibit she wished to see.

"I want to see the words about the people with the brown skin, like you and me, poppa. Spencer has pale skin. He needs to go outside more, so he can be like us." She stated matter-of-factly as she looked at the fossil exhibit. Derek snorted at that and looked at Spencer who was blushing but still smiling at Ruby's childlike innocence.

"Baby, that's not how it works." Derek said with a soft laugh. She looked at her father curiously, then to Spencer, before she shrugged and skipped ahead a bit. She stood next to an older boy who was admiring the fossils as well.

"I like the pterodactyl." She said to him, horribly mispronouncing the word. Spencer and Derek both smiled at her and chuckled.

"It's _pterodactyl_ , you retard." The boy said harshly, looking at Ruby like she was below him, a lesser being than he. Spencer's blood began to boil and Derek looked ready to slap a bitch.

"Damien!" His mother scolded, grabbing his hand and jerking him away from Ruby, who was just looking at them confusedly. "Don't you dare say that word to this sweet girl, to anyone!"

"Poppa, what's a retard? Nancy on the playground calls me that. Ruby Retard." She asked, turning her head to look at Derek. He didn't meet her gaze, too busy shooting daggers at the boy with his eyes.

"A very, very mean and hurtful word." He pulled his daughter close to his side with his arm around her shoulder protectively.

"Sir, I'm so incredibly sorry. I don't know what's gotten into him. I'm very disappointed in him." The mother said, glaring at her son who was looking down and twisting his fingers. "Apologize. Now." She demanded sternly.

"Sorry." The boy said quietly, his cheeks heating up with embarrassment.

"Go." His mother said, ushering him in the other direction.

"I can't tell you how sorry I am, really. He never speaks like that, I don't know what he thought he was doing. I'm so embarrassed by this." The woman rambled, looking between Ruby, Spencer, and Derek with apologetic eyes.

"It's okay, ma'am. We'll just be going now." Derek said with a tight smile, tugging gently on Ruby's hand, who took Spencer's in her other hand.

"Bye, lady. Bye, pterodactyl." Ruby said with a cheery smile. The woman waved shyly at the trio as they made their way towards a new exhibit. When Ruby saw the butterflies, she screeched and ran over to them, flapping her hands excitedly.

"You trying to fly away from us, little butterfly?" Derek teased, causing Ruby to giggle and flap her hands faster. Spencer looked at her with a fondness that was foreign to him.

"You've got a really special girl, you know." He said to Derek as the pair sat down and watched as Ruby stared in awe at the butterflies.

"I know. I did a pretty good job, considering, huh?" Derek said sadly, smiling at Ruby before turning to face Spencer.

"Man, it's hard." He confessed with a sigh. "They teach single moms how to raise kids, but being a single dad? I don't know, it just doesn't seem to come naturally to me. Everything's a struggle, you know? And raising a girl, without a mom? It's next to impossible." Derek shook his head and looked down at his hands.

"Me and her momma, we never got along. We weren't even together, not really. We just hooked up sometimes. It was good. Casual. Comfortable, with no feelings involved. But then she got pregnant, and we seriously had to buckle down and get our shit sorted out. She wanted an abortion. We even went to the clinic, but she saw the protestors and freaked. We were dead set on putting Ruby up for adoption after that. But around the third trimester, Savannah started having second thoughts. She got really attached to little Ruby. I'd hear her singing to her sometimes. To be honest, I was terrified. I was 29, she was only 24, we weren't ready to be parents. And, Jesus, we fought about everything. What color to paint the nursery, what to call the grandparents, who her godparents should be, and what to name her. Especially what to name her. I wanted her to be Tanisha. It means beautiful. But Savannah said that was 'too black'. Whatever the hell that means. She wanted Jane. Fucking Jane. Does she look like a damn Jane?" Derek let out an airy laugh at that before his expression turned sad and stoic.

"She died before Ruby was born. Obstructed labor, they said. Ruby almost died with her, couldn't get any oxygen. Savannah never even got to hold her. Never got to hear her cry." Derek's hands were shaking slightly and Spencer wasn't sure what to even say.

"I said fuck it with the name and picked the first one I thought of when I saw her. I thought about Ruby Bridges, the girl who desegregated an all-white school in New Orleans during the 60's. Bravest little girl in history. And my Ruby, my girl, she's brave. She's a fighter. She always was, the moment she made it into the world, barely alive. And her middle name, Joy? I fell in love with her the second I saw her. Greatest joy in my life." He looked back over to Ruby, who was engaged in a very animated conversation with one of the butterflies, and his features softened.

"I don't usually enjoy being in the presence of children, but Ruby's.. Different. I can really see how special she is. It warms my heart." Spencer reiterated honestly. Derek grinned at that and clapped him on the shoulder before standing up.

"Rue, how about we go look at something else?" Derek said as he stepped behind Ruby, wrapping his arms around her front. She smiled up at her father and nodded, once again taking his and Spencer's hands in hers. Spencer was oblivious to the looks people were giving them, but Derek seemed hyper aware of them, as he was tense for the rest of their stay at the museum. It was close to seven o'clock when Derek hoisted a sleepy Ruby up onto his hip. Within seconds, she was conked out and drooling.

"I'm guessing this is routine for her?" Spencer asked jokingly, earning a quiet laugh and a nod from Derek. Once she was all settled in her car seat, Derek and Spencer climbed into their own seats and made the drive back to Spencer's apartment mostly in silence.

"Oh, dude, I forgot to ask earlier. There's a Bulls game on this Friday. You wanna swing by and watch it with me? It'll be at nine so Ruby'll be in bed. Just us two." Derek asked with a grin, though his eyes seemed a bit nervous. Spencer's own widened at that and his cheeks heated up a bit.

"I- Yeah, yeah sure! Yes, that would.. That would be good, yes." He stuttered out with a nod. Him and Derek. Alone. No kids. Hell no or hell yes? Spencer wasn't sure what to feel. On one hand, being alone with Derek was like every fantasy come true. But on the other, Spencer's flirt game was weak. Not even weak - nonexistent. His form of foreplay was discussing Italian influences on English architecture. And what could they even talk about? Spencer was sure they had no common interests. Maybe that was why they were using basketball as a buffer. Okay, yeah. Basketball. Spencer could talk about basketball. Strategies, stats, the whole nine yards. He could do this. Totally.

"Great, man, I'll see you then." Derek said, smirking slightly at Spencer, who's cheeks just darkened. He couldn't do this.

"Poppa?" Ruby's sleepy voice called from the backseat. Spencer looked over his shoulder to find her rubbing her eyes with a pout on her face. Who knew grumpy and sleep deprived could look so cute?

"Yeah, baby?" Derek asked softly as he pulled onto Spencer's street.

"Where we going?" She asked sleepily, peeking around curiously.

"We're going to my house, so I can go to sleep." Spencer answered with a smile. Ruby frowned at that and then looked to her father.

"Poppa, why can't Spencer sleep over?" She asked innocently. Derek coughed and began to sputter while Spencer just smiled shyly with an intense blush.

"Because that's not- We can't- Adults don't have sleepovers." Derek said, at a loss for words. He didn't let Ruby reply as he pulled up to Spencer's complex and unlocked the door.

"Alright, say goodnight." He asked Ruby, though his eyes stayed on Spencer, who sheepishly returned the eye contact.

"But I don't want him to go." Ruby said in a wavering voice, but Derek dismissed her quickly.

"He has to. He probably gets grumpy like you when he's tired." Derek teased Spencer with a playful smile.

"Alright.. But I don't like it." Ruby replied in her stern kid voice, eyes narrowing slightly. Spencer laughed at that and reached back to give her a high five goodbye, but she just stared at him, so Spencer dropped his hand and settled on gently poking her stomach. Ruby giggled at that, her hands coming to cover herself up.

"Goodnight, guys." Spencer said as he climbed out and gave Derek a wave. Derek looked at him strangely for a moment before he licked his lips and cleared his throat with a subtle shake of the head.

"Night." He said quietly, pulling away as Spencer entered his building.

"I like him." Ruby said before she leaned back in her car seat and closed her eyes.

"Yeah. Yeah, me too." Derek replied to himself, watching as his daughter began to snore softly in the backseat.

"Goodnight, baby." He told her before turning down the street towards their little home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about." Angela Schwindt


	3. All Night Long

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves." Frederico García Lorca

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! this chapters a little bit shorter than the others so that's why it's up so quickly. so, i just wanna give a little insight into derek's character because this fic is almost totally told from spencer's point of view. derek is bi, but in this verse, he hasn't addressed his sexual abuse. he's got a serious case of internalized homophobia (or in this case biphobia) and, despite being attracted to men, it's very very hard for him to accept let alone act on his feelings. we'll touch on this more next chapter. until then!
> 
> also it's worth saying that i know absolutely nothing about basketball terms and all my knowledge came the nba site. i watch basketball so im not totally clueless but i don't follow it really. sorry for any inaccuracies basketball fans.

Friday couldn't come fast enough. By Thursday, Spencer was practically fucking singing to the birds and helping squirrels sew him a dress for his little 'date'. He kept having to remind himself it wasn't like that, at all. Derek probably just wanted to assess Spencer's mental state before letting him grow any closer. That was totally it. It had nothing to do with friendship or attraction or anything like that. But, when Friday finally rolled around, Spencer rushed through his lesson like his life depended on it. He quickly dismissed his students, groaning internally when one of his undergrads approached him.

"Got a hot date, Dr. Reid?" She asked teasingly and Spencer attempted to give her a stern look, but he was blushing profusely, so that didn't seem to work.

"...Oh. Oh, you do! I was just teasing but.. Wow. Who's the lucky lady?" The girl questioned with a smirk and Spencer rolled his eyes at her.

"No one, I just met this guy and- and his daughter and we-" He was quickly interrupted and fought the urge to just lock his student out of the classroom.

"Ooh, you're hooking up with the daughter of a guy you know?! Risky." She replied, still giving him that smirk. Spencer's eyes widened at that.

"She's five!" Spencer squeaked, his blush darkening. She seemed to backpedal at that but quickly recovered.

"Tsk, tsk. What would Freud have to say about that?" She chastised in a mock indignant tone and Spencer gave her a look.

"Emily." He warned, an edge to his voice. She put her hands up in mock surrender.

"Sorry, sorry. But really, I hope you have fun with him tonight." Emily replied with a wink before retreating from the classroom. Spencer collapsed in his chair and groaned. Why? Just, why? He gathered his things a bit less enthusiastically than he had begun to do earlier and trudged over to his car. When Edith Piaf came on shuffle, he smiled softly as Ruby's words rung in his ears. She did sound like an alien, definitely. If Martians were French, that is.

He allowed himself to finish up on some test grading before he began to get ready at seven. He was slightly worried about getting to Derek's too early, but at the same time, what if he was late? What would that say about him? Irresponsible? Lazy? Would that make Derek apprehensive about letting him hang around Ruby? Spencer was nearly pulling his hair out by the time seven o'clock rolled around. He closed his laptop and stuffed away the papers he had graded, which came to a whopping total of ten. That made Spencer slightly discouraged. He usually enjoyed reading and editing his students' work, even if some of them had atrocious grammar and sentence structure. Combine that with his exceptional reading speed, he should've been able to read and grade one paper every three minutes. He'd had an hour and only got ten done. Ten. What the fuck, Spencer? Get it together.

Just as Spencer was about to hop in the shower, he heard his phone ring in his bedroom and sighed, making his way towards the room. His heart sped up a bit when he saw Derek's name on the screen.

"Hey." Spencer answered lamely and rolled his eyes at himself. Smooth.

"Hey, kid. What time are you gonna be here? I was gonna order food and I want it to be warm for you. You like wings? Or pizza?" Derek asked nonchalantly. Well, at least someone was calm.

"Um, I- 8:30? If that's okay? I don't mind whatever you get to eat, really." Spencer insisted as he chewed on the inside of his cheek.

"Alright, great. I'll see you then?" Derek said, though it was phrased as a question, as if he was seeking confirmation.

"Yeah! Yeah, I'll- I'll see you." Spencer said with a nervous smile. Derek replied with, "Cool." before they said their goodbyes.

Spencer's eyes widened when he realized it was already 8:14. Fuck the man-made concept of time. He rushed through his shower and threw on his clothes, only to realize he had buttoned his shirt wrong and his fly was down. He cursed at himself and took off his shirt, opting to replace it with a cowl neck sweater, and did his fly before smoothing his hands over his jeans. This was okay, right? Casual, but not sloppy? Right?

Spencer took a big breath and slipped on his sneakers. He jogged down the stairs of his apartment building and quickly got into his car. 8:21. Shit. Spencer always prided himself in being punctual. Being late always made him anxious. So, he may have drove a little bit over the speed limit, and maybe missed a stop sign after checking for cops. He made it to Derek's house at exactly 8:28 and spent the last two minutes on Derek's stoop before knocking. Derek answered the door in three seconds flat with a wide smile on his face.

"Well, don't you look nice." He said slyly before his face dropped and he cleared his throat. He stepped out of the way to let a blushing Spencer inside.

"So, game starts in a half hour, and food should be here in ten." Derek said as he plopped down on the couch. Spencer looked around nervously as he stood awkwardly in the center of the room.

"Dude, do I smell?" Derek asked with a laugh. Spencer blushed and shook his head silently as he sat down stiffly.

"Loosen up a little. You want a beer? Or are you a wine guy?" Derek asked, gesticulating to the fridge. Spencer shifted a bit and swallowed before meeting Derek's eyes.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, beer is fine." He was a little hesitant to accept a drink from Derek, but quickly dismissed that thought. He most likely wasn't planning on drugging Spencer while his daughter was asleep right up the stairs. Derek gave Spencer a nod before slipping into the kitchen. Spencer exhaled sharply and ran his hands through his hair, pulling on the strands lightly to ground himself. He didn't hang out with people. That's just not how his life went. He saw people, sometimes he went out to eat with people, sometimes (seldom) he hooked up with people, but it was never just him and one person sitting and talking, all alone. He gulped and willed his hands to stop shaking, but to no avail.

"Here, man. I hope you like Heineken." Derek said, startling Spencer slightly. Spencer gave him a friendly smile and took the bottle from Derek, their fingers brushing together. Spencer made little of it, though he did feel a little spark when he felt Derek's hard, calloused fingers on his own. But it was Derek who seemed to think it was a big deal, if his visceral reaction was any indication of that. He jerked his hand away from Spencer's so quickly he nearly punched himself in the face. Spencer giggled quietly at that, crossing one leg over the other. He rolled his ankle a few times and Derek gave him a strange look.

"You can take your shoes off. Actually, I'd prefer it if you did. Dirt stains. Lord knows why I have white carpeting when I've got a five year old whose main purpose in life is to spill shit." Derek said with a laugh. He crossed his own legs, drawing Spencer's attention to his socked foot. Spencer laughed softly as well and toed off his shoes before he heard Derek snort.

"Are those giraffes?" He asked, pointing at Spencer's sock. The other man blushed deeply and looked down at his other foot.

"And sharks." He said embarrassedly, but Derek didn't seem like he was about to tease him.

"You gotta tell me if those come in smaller sizes, 'cause Rue loves animals. She likes bugs better, though. That's the worst. She keeps bringing home worms from the garden out front. She named one Fernando and cried when I stepped on it. Didn't talk to me for two whole days, the little brat." Derek said fondly. He gave Spencer another little smile before he went to turn the TV on. However, he was interrupted by the sound of a knock on the door, which startled Spencer more than he'd like to admit.

"Food's here." Derek said as he stood and clapped his hands together. Spencer definitely didn't stare at Derek's backside as he made his way to the door like a goddamn catwalk model. He didn't even realize how long his eyes had been fixed on that sweet booty from above until Derek's voice came from some faraway land.

"Spence, you got any change? I need fifteen cents." Spence. He called him Spence. He swooned at that a bit. They were on a nickname basis now. Would Spencer have to come up with one for Derek? D? Der? Denzerek Washington? The star of my wet dreams? The most delicious Hershey Kiss known to man?

"Uh- What?" Spencer said eloquently, finally letting his eyes flicker upwards, where he was met with a very tense blushing Derek.

"Change. Do you have change? I need fifteen cents." Derek repeated in a formal tone. Spencer nodded dumbly and reached into his satchel, digging out a dime and a nickel. He handed the coins to Derek and pretended not to notice how hard Derek tried not to touch Spencer's hand.

"Thanks. Dude." Derek said awkwardly as he handed the change and the few bills in his hand to the older delivery man.

"You two kids have fun tonight." The man said with a laugh as he handed the food over to Derek and clapped him on the shoulder. Spencer watched as Derek's posture changed- his back was straight and stiff, shoulders tense.

"It's um, it's 8:52." Spencer said as he absentmindedly picked at his sweater. He watched as Derek nodded to himself and turned around with a smile plastered on his face. He placed the food on the table and sat back down on the couch, squirming and trying to get comfortable as he reached for the remote.

"So, who are we playing?" Spencer asked after tucking his feet under his butt. Derek's eyes gave him a quick once over before he cleared his throat and looked at Spencer.

"Indiana." He told Spencer, giving him a look that made him shift in his seat slightly.

"That- That should be interesting. The Pacers top player, Paul George, usually scores 23.4 points per game, while the Bulls top player, Jimmy Butler, scores 21 PPG." Spencer rattled off before he leaned in to grab his beer. He took a big gulp, which he quickly regretted but hey, momma ain't raise no quitter, so he suffered through the bitter taste without scrunching his face up in disgust.

"Yeah, but Butler's got an APG of 4.4. George's is only 4.1." Derek pointed out as he switched on the TV just as the clock on the box read 9:00. Spencer hummed in response and focused on the screen, the rim of the beer bottle resting on his lip as he stared intently at the players. He heard Derek let out a loud sigh and he turned to give him a curious look when he saw Derek had a pillow inconspicuously placed on his lap. He shrugged it off but in the back of his mind, he began to make a big deal of it. It was just a pillow, the logical part of his brain said. A pillow that's covering the seven wonders of the world, said the other part. You're being ridiculous, said the logical part. Your mom is ridiculous, said the other part.

Alcohol. Spencer needs alcohol. He took another big gulp and looked over at Derek, who was licking his lips.

"It's a damn shame they had to bench Gasol." He commented idly, trying but failing to not look at Spencer's lips, which were curling into a grin.

"Yeah. Add that to the fact that Derrick Rose has a bad back and E'Twaun Moore fucked up his hamstring, they're playing without two star players." Derek's eyes widened at Spencer's words before he busted out laughing. Spencer furrowed his brows at Derek but smiled nonetheless as he asked, "What?"

Derek simply shook his head and said, "Dude, 'fucked' sounds so weird coming out of your mouth. It's like hearing my grandma curse." Spencer shot him a glare that didn't look nearly as stern as he intended it to be.

"I'm not as much of a 'proper' nerd as you think I am." Spencer retorted. Derek grinned at him and continued to giggle as he said, "Whatever you say, Pretty Ricky."

"Every member of Pretty Ricky is black." Spencer said skeptically. Derek's laughter only intensified.

"I need to teach you about Urban Dictionary, don't I?" Spencer narrowed his eyes at that, silently seeking clarification.

"Dude, it's- gimme your phone." Derek requested with his hand outstretched. Spencer warily reached for his phone in his back pocket and handed it over to Derek, who started typing away.

"It's for slang. Like, here. 'Oreolization' - the act of realizing you still have Oreos in your kitchen." Derek quoted and Spencer simply rolled his eyes.

"Who the hell says that?" He asked rhetorically. Derek just shrugged.

"I don't know. Them damn youngin's. Most people only use it to look up their names. They've always got funny shit." Spencer grinned devilishly at that and reclined back in his seat.

"What does yours say?" He asked. Derek flashed him a grin and said, "'A Derek is a hotty with a killer body'." He read on further, "Oh, and this one says, 'One sexy lad with a smokin' hot body. Built like a Diesel pickup with sex appeal that makes the females drip." Derek snorted and tried to keep himself from laughing, but failed. "Well, it's not a lie." Spencer mumbled to himself, quickly recovering when Derek looked at him curiously.

"What's mine?" Spencer asked as he peered over Derek's shoulder to see the screen. Derek quickly typed in Spencer's name and nearly dropped to the floor in a fit of giggles.

"What?" Spencer said as he took his phone from Derek.

"'Urban slang for a pimp or ladies man. Owner of a large'- Oh my god!" Spencer squeaked as he practically flung his phone across the room. Derek was howling at that point, tears brimming at the corners of his eyes.

"It's not funny!" Spencer said with his arms crossed. Derek wiped at his eyes and took a couple of steadying breaths as his laughter dwindled off into drunken giggles.

"It's hilarious." Derek replied with a grin as he settled back down into the couch. Spencer rolled his eyes with a deep blush. Penis talk with a guy you're crushing on. That's always fun.

After that, they spent most of the night without incident, eating and laughing and enjoying each other's company. One beer turned into two then three and soon Spencer had no room left in his brain to think about how he was getting home; all he could focus on was the way Derek's lips wrapped around the rim of the bottle.

"Oh, come on, that was a foul if I ever seen one!" Derek yelled at the TV, angrily placing his beer down on the table.

"That was legal." Spencer commented, earning an angry glare from Derek.

"That was more illegal than a speakeasy!" Derek growled in response, to which Spencer just laughed lightly.

"You take this way too seriously." He remarked. He quickly regretted it when he saw Derek reach for a pillow, which soon connected with Spencer's face. Spencer gasped in response before grabbing a pillow of his own and smacking Derek's shoulder with it. They fell into an incredibly intense pillow fight and ended up wrestling each other to the floor in a fit of giggles. When Spencer had straddled Derek, pummeling his face with the throw pillow, he quickly realized how inappropriate the position was. But he was so far gone from the alcohol and the feeling of Derek squirming beneath him that he didn't even, couldn't even, care.

"Admit defeat!" Spencer yelled as he smushed the pillow into Derek's face. He heard Derek yell a muffled, "Never!" before he quickly changed their positions with finesse. He was looming over Spencer, breathing heavily with a wide smile on his face. Spencer's breath caught in his throat as he looked up at Derek, where he was met with an intense, heated gaze. His pupils were blown wide, his face slightly sweaty, and he was panting as he stared down at Spencer. His expression slowly morphed into a serious one as he ever so slowly leaned down. Is he gonna-? Oh. Oh, fuck, he is. Okay. Okay, Spencer, calm yourself. Spencer swallowed and released his grip on the pillow, letting his hands rest on the back of Derek's neck. Their faces were mere millimeters apart, and Spencer could practically taste Derek's hot breath that ghosted over his own lips. Derek placed both of his arms on either side of Spencer's head, moving to-

"Poppa?" Both men jumped a foot in the air as they disentangled themselves from one another, opting to stand a good six feet from each other once they clambered to their feet.

"Baby, why are you awake?" Derek asked nervously. Ruby looked at him and frowned before she looked down at her footie pajama clad feet.

"I don't feel good, poppa." She said, sniffling as she teared up. Derek forgot all about Spencer and slipped into Dad Mode as he rushed over to his daughter. He placed his hand on her forehead and cursed quietly.

"You're burning up. How long have you been up?" Derek asked hesitantly. Spencer knew that he was not so subtly asking his daughter if she had heard the two of them, or worse, been watching them. He swallowed ashamedly, avoiding looking at Derek or Ruby.

"I don't know. Hurts." Ruby whined, clutching her stomach. "I- I throwed up. Please don't be mad." She asked desperately. Derek frowned deeply at that and brushed away a stray curl that had fallen in her face.

"I could never be mad at you for that, baby. It's gonna be okay. Poppa's gonna clean it all up and then we're gonna go back to bed. You can sleep with me, okay?" Derek said gently as he caressed Ruby's cheek. Spencer suddenly felt very out of place, like he was interrupting something precious. He didn't need to be there for that.

"Okay. Olive you." Ruby said as she leaned in to nuzzle her father's neck. He smiled down at her and kissed her head. "Olive you, too, sweetheart. Go get changed into new jammies and I'll be up in a minute." He gave Ruby a pat on her butt as she walked off towards the stairs.

"I should-" Spencer said, jerking his thumb over his shoulder. Derek nodded stiffly.

"Yeah. Yeah, um. I'll call you a cab." He said before he grabbed his phone, not allowing Spencer to object. Derek rattled off information to the cab company as Spencer stood there awkwardly, nervously picking at the fabric of his sweater. Jesus, he needed to stop that before he put a hole in the damn thing. He'd never been in a more embarrassing situation in his life. Sure, he'd spilt drinks on himself, tripped over himself, but rolling around drunkenly on the floor of the house of a man who he barely knows? Almost making out with said man, all while his daughter lay sick upstairs, only to come down and catch them in the act? Mortifying. It makes getting caught jerking off by your mom look like a Disney movie.

When Derek hung up the phone, he didn't say a word to Spencer - wouldn't even look at him. Spencer wondered if he was just embarrassed by being caught or if there was a deeper issue. Did he not like Spencer that way? If he didn't, why was he the one who initiated the almost-kiss? Spencer bombarded himself with these questions, conveniently ignoring the most pressing one. Was Derek even interested in men? Spencer abhorred stereotyping, but he couldn't help but jump to conclusions when he saw Derek. Six feet tall, muscular statue that indicated hours spent at the gym, charming, a sports enthusiast, oh, and the most glaringly obvious indicator of heterosexuality? He had a daughter. That he made. With a women. With their genitals. That touched. An action that was most likely enjoyable on Derek's end, as he had said he was frequently hooking up with Ruby's mother before the pregnancy. Now, Spencer didn't believe in gaydar. You couldn't tell if someone was gay by just looking at them or talking to them. But Spencer could just tell Derek was straight. Yup. Straight as an arrow.

Then why the fuck had he tried to kiss him? Spencer's head started to hurt. He looked over at Derek who was standing stick straight, eyes focused on the floor like his life depended on it. Spencer opened his mouth to say something, but outside he heard the sound of a car approaching and saw the headlights of the cab.

"I better get going." Spencer tried to say with a friendly smile, but it just looked strained and awkward. Derek acknowledged him with a grunt and Spencer sighed, heading over to the door before he paused. "I had fun tonight." He added hopefully. Derek looked at him and behind his eyes Spencer could see inner turmoil. Just as quickly as it had appeared, though, it was replaced with a blank expression.

"Goodnight, Spencer." Derek said curtly. Spencer didn't know why those two words hurt so bad as he made his way into the cab, closing his eyes and sighing softly as he enjoyed the ride home in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Let no one who loves be called altogether unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow." J.M Barrie


	4. Ghosts Can't Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What would that be like - to long, to yearn for one who is right there before your eyes, day in and day out?" Margaret Atwood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back again! another super long chapter in which i bring the angst that don't quit. i hope you like it! let me know how you think this story is going or if i should continue or not. till next time.

After Spencer hadn't heard from the Morgan family in a week, he became incredibly anxious. His students were on break for the week so he had nothing to do but fester in his anxiety. He thought about his encounter with Derek almost every second and it was driving him crazy. He was also incessantly worried about little Ruby. She hadn't looked so great the last time he'd seen her. He wondered if she was still sick and he frowned deeply at the thought of the poor rugrat. Sighing, he decided to bite the bullet and go ahead and text Derek. Maybe he'd gotten over whatever got him all in a funk. Spencer typed out a quick, "Hey. How's Ruby doing?" and waited impatiently for the response, checking and rechecking his phone every few minutes. After four long, tantalizing minutes, Spencer's phone rang and lit up, alerting him of Derek's incoming call.

"Derek. How is she?" Spencer said hopefully, biting his lip and internally crossing his fingers.

"Spence, she's-" Derek began, and Spencer automatically assumed the worst, his hands beginning to tremble. "I took her to the doctor when her fever didn't die down after two days. He gave her Motrin and said she'd be fine, but it didn't go down and she kept puking. He wants me to take her to the ER but I have work and already missed the past three days taking care of her and I just-" The tension in Derek's voice was palpable and Spencer immediately frowned.

"I can take her. I don't have any classes today." He offered up quickly. He knew Derek would adamantly refuse, but Spencer was stubborn, too. Before Derek could even answer, Spencer had begun to lay out clothes to get ready to go.

"You don't have to do that. Besides, you're not a relative and you don't have my insurance information." Derek said with a hefty sigh.

"You can get her checked in and I'll stay with her. Just tell them I'm her uncle." Spencer said, holding the phone to his ear with his shoulder as slid off his pajama pants and stepped into a pair of jeans. He heard Derek scoff in his ear.

"Yeah, alright, white boy, I'm sure they'll believe that." Spencer smiled softly at that, glad to hear Derek joking, even if it was strained.

"Well, there's always another option." Spencer said hesitantly, his hands pausing as he did up his belt.

"What's that?" Derek asked with another heavy sigh.

"I'll tell you when I get to your house. Be there in five." Spencer said quickly before abruptly ending the call. He put on his shoes and headed out into his car. He peeled out like a criminal on CSI Miami, imaging The Who playing in the background as David Caruso slipped on his sunglasses. Similar to the last time he'd visited Derek, he sped through stop signs and drove erratically, not wasting any time. When he pulled up to Derek's house, he knocked on the door, which was answered almost immediately. Talk about déjà vu.

"Is she ready?" Spencer asked, not wasting time on formalities. Derek nodded and let him step inside. When he saw Ruby on the couch, an old bucket in front of her as she stared blankly at whatever movie was playing, with an old stuffed animal tucked under her arm, he took a sharp breath. Her dark skin looked grey, the patches of white a sickly green, and her eyes didn't have their usual shimmer. Spencer practically shivered at the sight of her and turned to Derek.

"Are _you_ ready?" Spencer asked ambiguously.

"I'm- I'm okay. Let's get going." Derek said with a forced smile before he went over to Ruby. "Baby, Spencer is here. We're all going to go to the hospital together. They're going to make you feel bet-" Derek was cut off by the sudden retching sound that made his blood run cold. "Oh, sweetheart." He said sadly, holding Ruby's coarse curls out of her face as she sobbed and whined through her bought of nausea.

"It's okay, baby, we're gonna be okay. Here, let's take Pierre. He's gonna make it better." Derek said soothingly, though Spencer could see he was a nervous wreck. He gingerly lifted Ruby, her blanket, and her stuffed animal, Pierre, and made his way to the door. Spencer held it open for him and smiled sadly at Ruby who was a sniveling mess.

"H-hi, Mister Spencer." She said weakly and Spencer couldn't fight the grin that broke out on his face.

"Hey, Ruby. Me and your dad are gonna get everything sorted out, okay?" Spencer told her reassuringly. She nodded slowly and closed her eyes. Spencer tentatively reached out and touched her cheek, to which she responded with a low hum as she leaned into the touch. The sight made Spencer's heart warm. Derek fastened her into her car seat and opened up the passenger door for Spencer. The other man thought about the kind gesture and smiled a small, secret smile. As Derek clambered into the front seat, he looked over his shoulder once, twice, three times at Ruby before starting the car.

"Can we hear the water birds song?" Ruby asked quietly. Derek hummed his approval and looked to Spencer. "Tchaikovsky." Spencer nodded and played the first act, happy to see Ruby was smiling softly, her little feet swinging slowly. Spencer couldn't imagine what Derek was feeling at that moment. If Spencer himself was scared, he had no idea what it was like for Derek. His thoughts wandered to his mother. He remembered the terror he felt the first time she had an episode. He was only nine, but he was well versed in psychology at that point. He was just starting high school and his freshman year offered a wide array of electives, so, naturally, he decided to take psychology and by the end of the year, they had him placed in AP Psych. He recalled what he had read about schizophrenia, and everything just went downhill from there. But he could never feel what Derek was feeling, so as long he remained childless.

"Spencer?" Derek said, looking at him curiously. "Penny for your thoughts?" He said with a small smile. Spencer gave an airy laugh at that and looked outside the window, realizing they were stopped in front of the ER entrance of the local hospital. They promptly exited the car as two nurses came out rolling a wheelchair.

"Can she walk?" One of them, a short, stocky man, asked. Derek simply shook his head as he unfastened Ruby's car seat and held her close to his chest.

"We're gonna go for a ride, kidlet." He told her with a smile before placing her in the wheel chair. When the other tall, lanky man appeared behind her, she curled into herself and started yelling.

"I don't like him!" Ruby yelled, muffled from her position with her head between her knees. "I want Spencer to drive!" Her shoulders began to shake and the nurse quickly jerked back.

"Sorry, she's-" Derek began, but realized he didn't have the energy to apologize for something Ruby couldn't control. The other nurse simply nodded and gave a sympathetic smile. Spencer stepped forward to wheel Ruby into the hospital. While Derek was busy with giving the nurse at the desk his insurance information, Spencer tried to keep Ruby entertained.

"So, this is Pierre?" He said as he reached out to gently touch the ear of her bear. Ruby nodded at that and gave Spencer that little smile that never failed to make him grin. She looked down and placed her hand over Spencer's.

"Poppa said the lady whose tummy I was in got it for me before I was birthed." Ruby said before she frowned. "But he says she's not around anymore. I don't know where she went. I would've liked to be her friend. Maybe she didn't like me." Her voice trailed off at the end and she sniffled.

"I'm sure she liked you very much. I think she just went to take a trip, a trip to a better, nicer place." Spencer told her soothingly. Approaching the topic of death with a child was never easy, but Ruby smiled slightly at that and nodded regardless.

"Ruby Morgan?" One of the nurses called from the door leading to the pediatric unit. "We're ready for you, sweetie." She said kindly. Spencer stood up and wheeled Ruby through the door with Derek right behind him. The nurse got her set up in a colorful room with toys and books, but Ruby reacted indifferently.

"Okay, dad, you just sit tight and Dr. Kumar will be here soon." She said to Derek, not even looking at Spencer. Derek caught his lip between his teeth and told her, "Actually, I um- I can't stay. But.. He's here for her." He pointed to Spencer, who gave a shy wave. The nurse faltered and gave Derek a confused look.

"Is he a relative?" She asked skeptically. Derek was at a lost for words, gaping at her, but Spencer quickly stepped in.

"I'm his fiancé." He said, looking to Derek with a fond smile. Derek gulped and stared at Spencer wide eyed before he returned the smile and turned to the nurse to nod at her.

"Oh. Oh! Okay." The nurse responded with a soft smile. "Well, like I said. Doctor will be in shortly." She gave a nod before turning on her heels and sauntering off down the hall. Derek let out a big breath and turned to Spencer.

"What was that?" He said through clenched teeth, eyes darting over to Ruby who was oblivious to the scene as she played with Pierre.

"It worked, did it not?" Spencer fired back, crossing his arms over his chest. Derek looked down guiltily before nodding slowly. "I guess, but- you know, I'm not.. You know." He stuttered out. Spencer gave him a grin and an incredulous look.

"Whatever you say." He said as he turned to Ruby, rolling his eyes. "You head to work. We'll be fine here. Honey." Spencer added coyly. Maybe he was being a bit childish, but he didn't care. Derek had tried to kiss him, for Christ's sake. Was he still trying to convince himself he wasn't into him, at least on a purely physical level? He probably didn't like Spencer romantically, but it didn't mean he wasn't attracted to him. Spencer couldn't understand that, but he knew the attraction was there. Derek was being ridiculous about the whole situation and, given the circumstances, there wasn't any room for that.

"Okay. Alright, baby, poppa's gotta go to work. You and Spencer are going to hang out here together, though, okay? Read some books, play with those dinosaurs over there." Derek said, pointing at the toy chest. Ruby looked up at him and blinked slowly before she nodded.

"Spencer, cuddle me." She said as she looked at Spencer expectantly. He blushed and looked to Derek momentarily before he climbed into the hospital bed, Ruby promptly climbing into his lap and lying down on his chest.

"I- Have a good day, Derek." Spencer said, looking down at Ruby then to Derek. He nodded and smiled just slightly at him, then Ruby.

"I love you, sweetheart." He said, reaching forward to touch Ruby's small hand, his fingers brushing over Spencer's thigh in the process. Spencer sucked in a sharp breath and froze, avoiding Derek's eyes as he slowly drew back his hand, as if he didn't want to take his hand off of Spencer.

"Olive you, poppa." Ruby responded before she curled up on top of Spencer. Derek smiled fondly at her once more before he turned that smile to Spencer, who practically shivered under his gaze. They exchanged nods before Derek reluctantly exited the room. Spencer looked down at Ruby and gave a smile when he saw she was half asleep, her mouth hanging open, her curls mussed and wild. Spencer still thought she was.. Cute. Adorable. Jesus, words he thought he'd never say, especially not about a child.

Ruby had been asleep for a good twenty minutes before the elusive Dr. Kumar knocked on the door. Spencer gently shook Ruby awake, stifling a chuckle at the annoyed look she shot him.

"Hi, sweetheart. Are you Ruby?" A voice from the doorway called. Ruby looked up at her, taking in her colorful scrubs and shoes, and nodded.

"This is Spencer. We're friends." Ruby told the doctor as she looked up at Spencer and beamed. Spencer fought back a laugh and smiled back at her, giving a nod to the doctor who was grinning at the pair.

"That's great. My name is Bahni." The doctor introduced herself. "Ruby, can you tell me how you're feeling today?"

Ruby shifted uncomfortably in Spencer's lap, looking to him as if to seek confirmation. Spencer nodded his encouragement, so Ruby looked back to the doctor and sighed before mumbling, "My tummy hurts. My throat feels like the sun and my head isn't mine."

The doctor, Bahni, looked at Ruby and nodded slowly. "Are you throwing up?" Another nod from Ruby. "I'm so sorry to hear that. You're very brave for being here. I've got some big kids next door who are being very grumpy, but you're acting like such a big girl. You're very strong." She told Ruby, who smiled at her.

"When's the last time you threw up, sweetheart?" Bahni inquired as she took a seat in one of the chairs by the bed. Spencer thought how kind the simple gesture was, as it made her look less intimidating to the small girl in his lap.

"Before we listened to the water bird's song. Two longs and ten shorts." Ruby said with a serious look on her face as she nodded. Bahni looked to Spencer in confusion but smiled at Ruby nonetheless.

"Before we came here. Two hours and ten minutes." Spencer explained. He was getting pretty good at deciphering Ruby's little codes, if he said so himself.

"Is that a bigger time or a littler time compared to the times before?" Bahni asked of Ruby, who replied, "Bigger."

"Alright, that's good. Ruby, we're going to give you some medicine. It tastes like watermelons, is that okay?" Bahni explained, and for a moment Ruby looked a bit afraid but she nodded her approval, albeit hesitantly. Spencer felt a surprising burst of pride at her willingness. Even as an adult, he hated taking medicine, but that was a story for another time.

"Okay, that's good. You're being a very good girl. But here comes the hard part. We have to give you something called an IV. You haven't had enough to drink and your body is very thirsty." Bahni said, reaching out to take Ruby's hand. Ruby squeezed the other girl's hand tightly in response. "Big touches only." She told Bahni, who nodded and squeezed back as she huffed out a sigh.

"We have to put a needle in your arm. It's going to make you feel so much better, but it might hurt. But I know you're a very brave girl, and I think you'll be strong. Can you be strong, honey?" Ruby's eyes grew wide and she began to squirm in Spencer's lap, looking up at him pleadingly.

"I don't want it to hurt." She whined, grabbing Spencer' arm tightly. Spencer looked down at her and frowned, smoothing his hand over her head. "I know, but it'll be over very fast. Pierre and I will be right here, and you can squeeze my hand real hard when it hurts." He told her, reaching for Pierre and placing him in her lap. She stared at him with those wide, terrified eyes before she gave a nod in Bahni's direction.

"Okay. I can be a big girl." She said quietly, looking down at Pierre and fisting her hands in his fur.

"Wonderful. I'm very proud of you for being so strong. I think your friend here should take you to get a treat later." Bahni said coyly as she looked to Spencer who laughed quietly.

"Will poppa be coming?" Ruby asked hopefully, and Spencer nodded with a smile. He looked over to Bahni to gauge her reaction, holding his breath. Lord knows the two of them had dealt with enough. But she simply had a kind smile on her face, looking at Spencer with knowing eyes. Part of Spencer felt bad about his and Derek's little ruse, but another part of him, though he wouldn't admit it, wanted it to be true. Maybe he didn't want to be engaged to Derek, per se, but he did really like spending time with him, however brief or awkward their encounters were. Derek was a true, genuinely kind man and Spencer admired those characteristics in him. It didn't help how hopelessly attracted Spencer was to him. He knew deep down, though, they just wouldn't work as anything more than friends, whether they tried to be friends with benefits or were to each other someone to skip gleefully down a beach in Tahiti with. Even if Derek got over his little gay freak out, why would he even settle for Spencer? Weird, gangly, awkward Spencer? Not a chance.

He hated to say it, but when Spencer was around Derek, he was hyper aware of just how.. Unattractive he was. In his mind, Derek was what men were supposed to look like, and Spencer was everything that they weren't. No one had ever really found him attractive in his 26 years. That's not to say there weren't people here and there who wanted to sleep with him, because there were, but he couldn't shake the nagging feeling that they had just settled for a warm body that wasn't hideously disfigured. He'd never been ravished, or worshipped, or praised, and he constantly asked himself, "What's wrong with me?" He was sure Derek never felt that level of uncertainty in himself and wondered what it was like to be confident like that.

When Ruby began to squirm in Spencer's lap once again, he realized he had zoned out and looked at a grinning Bahni and blushed.

"I'm going to give her Zofran, ondansetron. It will quell the vomiting and after the IV, we'll slowly introduce juice, then food. Sound like a plan?" The doctor asked of Spencer, who gave her a simple nod in reply.

"Alright. I'll be right back to get that for you. A nurse will come in to administer the IV. Sit tight, Ruby, we're gonna get you all better." She said before giving Ruby's hand another squeeze and exiting the room. Ruby seemed a bit apprehensive as she stared nervously down at Pierre.

"Hey, why don't we read one of these books?" Spencer suggested, turning to Ruby with a genuine smile on his face as he pointed to the array of children's books by the toy chest. Ruby looked at them for a second, pondering something before looking at Spencer and shaking her head.

"I want to read that one." She pointed to Spencer's bag, where a rather large book was poking out of the top. Spencer's eyes widened slightly as he followed her eyes to the book.

"Are you sure? It's a grownup book." He asked, but Ruby just shook her head at him vehemently.

"I'm a big girl! I'm not dumb like people say I am, I promise!" She insisted with pleading eyes. Spencer huffed but grinned at her enthusiasm nonetheless. He reached over to grab the book and cracked it open, placing it between his and Ruby's legs.

"Do you think I am an automaton? — a machine without feelings? and can bear to have my morsel of bread snatched from my lips, and my drop of living water dashed from my cup? Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless?" Spencer began, watching as Ruby stared at the words in awe. Once again, he saw himself in her big brown eyes, like a mirror. His mind wandered back to his childhood, recalling how he sat in this exact same position with his mother as she read the same book to him. The memory and the combined sight of Ruby's awestruck expression warmed his heart.

"You think wrong! — I have as much soul as you — and full as much heart! And if God had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth, I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now for me to leave you. I am not talking to you now through the medium of custom, conventionalities, nor even of mortal flesh: it is my spirit that addresses your spirit; just as if both had passed through the grave, and we stood at God's feet, equal — as we are!" Spencer continued on, getting more and more excited as the minutes passed. He even began to implicate various different voices for each character. By the time they had read ten pages, both Ruby and Spencer were giggling incessantly at the ridiculous tones Spencer had chosen.

"'Jane, be still; don't struggle so like a wild, frantic bird, that is rending its own plumage in its desperation." I say, "I am no bird; and no net ensnares me; I am a free human being, with an independent will; which I now exert to leave-" Spencer said as he started to turn the page, but halted as he heard approaching footsteps.

"Morgan?" A very bored looking nurse called from outside the room. Spencer let out a frustrated sigh and called her inside, where another younger, perkier nurse followed close behind.

"I've got nausea, vomiting, sore throat, and a headache. That right?" The annoyed nurse asked. Spencer nodded and had to look down at Ruby's sweet face to keep himself from letting the fists fly. Not the time for this, Felicia. Not the time.

"Alright. So, we're gonna administer this IV now. Hold still." The nurse abruptly grabbed Ruby's arm and the girl jerked it away from the nurse's grip so fast she smacked Spencer on the side of the head. He didn't even flinch as he tightened his hold around her shaking form.

"I don't want it!" Ruby yelled, her eyes going wide as she stared at the needle. The nurse, Andrea, her name tag read, sighed and shot Ruby a glare.

"Well, you have to. So, hold still." She told her again, but this time Ruby was scuttling back before Andrea could reach out to touch her. Ruby buried herself in Spencer's chest and he began to feel his shirt get wet. God fucking damn it.

"Can't you be a little bit more sympathetic? She's five, for Christ's sake." Spencer said as he started to rub Ruby's back. For some reason, being around her made Spencer feel so.. Protective. Almost paternal, even, a feeling he'd never experienced before. He was ready to claw out folks' eyes if it meant making her smile. 

"Look, sir, I don't have time for this so if you could please-" Spencer was about to pop off before the other nurse, who was hidden behind Andrea, spoke up.

"Come on, Ann, can't you be a little nicer?" She requested of Andrea, chewing her bottom lip. It was obvious she was new at this, not wanting to step on any toes, so Spencer felt grateful that she was willing to take a verbal ass kicking from her fellow nurses just to stick up for Ruby.

"Fine. You do it, then." Andrea replied to her, crossing her arms over her chest. The other nurse looked at Spencer and Ruby sympathetically before she crouched down near the side of the bed.

"Hey, Ruby. I'm Rosa. I've gotta give you this so you can feel better. You don't have to be afraid." Rosa told Ruby calmly, though Spencer could see she was slightly uncomfortable. She most likely didn't have much experience in pediatrics, so Spencer appreciated her effort. Ruby craned her neck just slightly, her one cheek still pressed against Spencer's chest, to look at Rosa, before she promptly hid her face once again. Rosa looked down at the book in Ruby's lap and smiled softly.

"Oh, I love this book. Jane Eyre. Was he reading this with you?" She observed, gesturing to Spencer. Ruby peeked out and nodded slowly in confirmation.

"Well, I think, like Jane, you can be really brave and really strong. Some bad things happen to little Jane, but she's always strong. Like you, right? Are you a strong girl?" Rosa said, trying to get a look at Ruby. After a few seconds of contemplation, Ruby hesitantly moved her face away from Spencer's chest.

"I'm a strong girl." She echoed in a soft whisper and both Rosa and Spencer broke out into big smiles. Spencer felt his heart swell with pride at Ruby's words. She really was turning him into a sap, after all. Rosa slowly rose to her feet to prepare the IV while Spencer gave Ruby's shoulder a squeeze before he opened up the book once again.

"Let's just focus on this, okay?" He asked of Ruby, who gave him a nod before he began reading once again. "I see at intervals the glance of a curious sort of bird through the close set bars of a cage: a vivid, restless, resolute captive is there; were it but free, it would-"

"All done!" Rosa's cheery voice interrupted Spencer mid sentence. Ruby looked up at her, confusion evident, and then down at her arm, where she immediately gasped.

"It's in me!" She said as she looked to Spencer with wide eyes. "It didn't hurt!" Both Rosa and Spencer smiled, and even Andrea looked pleased with the outcome.

"We knew you could do it." Rosa complimented. With a sincere goodbye from Rosa, and a curt one from Andrea, the two nurses exited the room, leaving Spencer and Ruby to their own devices.

The rest of the day seemed to go by without incident. Spencer continued to read Jane Eyre to Ruby, consoling her as she took her medicine reluctantly, or chewed down the atrocious hospital food. She proved herself to be a real champ, though, and Spencer couldn't say her determination didn't tug on his heartstrings. He couldn't deny that the things he felt towards Ruby scared him. Everything around her posed an imminent threat and Spencer was a constant ball of anxiety looking after her. He feared the worst when it came to her and he wasn't sure how much of that feeling he could take. And then he thought about Derek. He thought about how he had trusted Spencer to watch over his only daughter, and that terrified Spencer even more. That level of trust was foreign to him and he had no idea what to make of it. He was petrified that he would fuck up, that he'd blow whatever shot he had at being friends with the family, or worse, that he'd get Ruby hurt. He had no idea what that would do to him.

Spencer never got attached. He learned how to do that at a very early age. If you got attached, you got hurt, and Spencer didn't like getting hurt. He always tried to avoid developing feelings for anything (person, animal, place, sock, etc.) but with Derek and Ruby? He threw all caution to the wind. He cared for them. They were this new, shiny addition to his overall monotonous life and that change, that disruption, it should've scared him, but it didn't and _that's_ what he was afraid of. For the first time in a long time, he welcomed his feelings and thought, 'Hey, maybe this isn't such a bad idea.' Life was no longer wash, rinse, repeat. Derek and Ruby were a storm that completely overturned everything he was used to, but when it should've made Spencer's hands tremble and his heart race in fear, it made him feel enticed and invigorated. But the worst part about a storm isn't what happens during - it's what happens after.

So, after several long, stressful hours, both Spencer and Ruby were elated to see a slightly disheveled Derek come running through the doorway. Ruby nearly catapulted herself at her father, but Spencer braced his arm around her front to keep her from ripping the IV out. She cried out for her father nonetheless, and Derek strode over to her quickly, kneeling beside her bed.

"How's my baby?" He asked, cupping her face gently before pressing a kiss to her head. Spencer could see how delighted Derek was to see how much Ruby's state had improved. He shot Derek a wide smile as he shared a moment with his daughter.

"She was amazing. Bravest one in the whole hospital." Spencer said as he wiggled out from underneath Ruby so Derek could take his place. The latter gave Spencer a wide grin and snuggled up next to Ruby, who was looking at him and Spencer like they hung the moon.

"Spencer read to me about Jane Eye. She has a funny name, but I like her. Bahni said we should get a treat, but I told her we had to wait for you. Do you want a treat, poppa?" Ruby rambled, eyes darting between her father and Spencer. Derek laughed wholeheartedly and Spencer could've sworn he saw Derek's eyes water just a little bit.

"You're my treat, munchkin." Derek replied to Ruby before he pressed his face to her stomach and blew raspberries on the soft skin. Ruby squealed incessantly, her little legs kicking in delight as Derek began to tickle her. Spencer watched the scene play out from the other side of the bed with a smile so wide it hurt his cheeks, and when Derek pulled away and gave Spencer a smile of his own, it only grew wider.

After checking out, Derek decided the trio should all get water ice as a reward for their tough day, and neither Ruby nor Spencer denied his offer. Although, after about six spoonfuls, Ruby had passed out in her car seat, water ice dribbling down onto the interior of Derek's car. Thank god for black floor mats. Removing Ruby from her car seat and getting her sleeping form into the house proved to be more difficult than it seemed. Spencer was carrying Pierre, her blanket, his satchel, and Derek's briefcase while Derek had his daughter's dead weight baring down on his tired arms. The two had managed to get Ruby into her bed without incident, although Spencer had bumped his head on one of the wall lamps and dropped Pierre several times. The only sympathy he garnered from Derek were a few stifled chuckles and Spencer narrowed his eyes at the man indignantly each time.

Once the pair were sure Ruby was safe and sound, they headed back downstairs and immediately plopped down on the couch in exhaustion without any hesitation.

"I can't thank you enough, Spencer. I really can't." Derek said after a few moments spent catching their breaths. Spencer turned his body to face Derek and gave him a soft, kindhearted smile as he reached out and placed his hand over Derek's absentmindedly.

"You don't have to." He told Derek simply. He watched as something in Derek's eyes changed and then traveled down to where their hands met. Spencer swallowed thickly, but didn't pull his hand back, nor did Derek push it away. The air felt thin as both men began to take in shaky, deliberate breaths. Both of their eyes landed on the other's lips, staring at them like they held all the secrets to the universe. Neither of them realized just how close they had moved in until they tore their eyes away from each other's lips and looked at one another.

It was Derek who made the first move. He wrapped his free hand around the back of Spencer's neck and pushed Spencer's lips against his and Spencer replied by eagerly reaching out to cup Derek's cheek, pulling him closer as they kissed languidly, but feverishly. Their lips grazed over one another sloppily yet passionately, every simple movement deliberate and executed with resolution. Derek felt so raw and pliant under Spencer's touch, so exposed and trusting. Spencer supposed he felt the same to Derek. He had never had a kiss so.. Fervent. Purposeful. Meaningful. It wasn't like fumbling around with your date after prom night, or getting drunk and hooking up with the first available person at a bar. It meant something, although that something wasn't clear just yet.

That feeling of euphoria, being at the peak of zenith, was ripped away abruptly when Derek jerked away from Spencer violently. Spencer looked into his eyes and saw the same thing he had felt when he had kissed him. Raw. Exposed. But this time, there was something unreadable in his eyes, something darker and worrisome.

"That was a mistake." Derek whispered in a hoarse voice, pulling his hand away from Spencer's as he scooted back several inches on the couch. Spencer looked at him, perplexed, and went to reach for his hand again.

"You should- You need to leave." Derek told him in a flat tone, keeping his hand curled up into a fist at his side. Spencer's eyes widened slightly at that.

"Derek, I-" He began to stutter, but was stunned into silence when Derek said coldly, "Get out. Now."

Spencer's legs shook as he returned to a standing position, still looking at Derek in utter bewilderment. He wordlessly gathered his things, his eyes never leaving Derek's slumped form that refused to even look in his direction.

"Tell Ruby I hope she feels better." Spencer said dejectedly. He didn't let Derek get a word in before he crossed the threshold of Derek's house and slammed the door shut behind him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man." Patrick Rothfuss


	5. Break On Through To The Other Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The mistake ninety-nine percent of humanity made, was being ashamed of what they were; lying about it, trying to be somebody else." JK Rowling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys. sorry for the delay in chapter updates. im in a lil bit of a depression right now and can't write very much. very prozac nation, i know. but still! here we are! angsty at first, but i put a bandaid on it at the end. basically, derek goes off on a bender after the kiss in an attempt to prove his heterosexuality, and that's what we're dealin' with here. i hope you enjoy!

To say Spencer felt like shit was the understatement of the century. He kept replaying the scene from a few nights prior over and over again in his mind, combing through every little detail. Was it something he said? Did he push too hard? Did he come on too strong? Did Derek think Spencer was trying to take advantage of him? But none of his questions made sense because of one simple fact: _Derek_ had kissed _him_. Not the other way around. Hell, he'd practically forced Spencer's mouth against his like he didn't have a say in the matter, which, hey, Spencer wasn't complaining, but still. The whole night didn't make a single lick of sense and it made Spencer want to bash his head into the wall.

And when his alarm went off on Monday morning, signaling the end to his cabin fever induced spring break, Spencer couldn't say he was relieved. Had he yearned for a distraction desperately after not hearing from Derek after a nearly a week? Of course. But was he ready to quit wallowing and do Adult Stuff? Probably not. So, after getting his eyes thoroughly acquainted with the stitching pattern of his blanket, he reluctantly rolled out of bed. He went through the motions, his mundane routine only worsening his mental state when it usually brought him peace of mind. Take a shower. Brush his teeth. Pretend to be healthy and eat an apple, only to chase it down with coffee that was 80% pure sugar. It all felt like the physical embodiment of nails on a chalkboard.

Just as Spencer was about ready to leave, a good hour and a half early for his 10:00 class, a proverbial wrench was thrown in and thwarted his plans. His phone rang loud and proud in his satchel and he rushed to answer it once he saw Derek's name.

"Derek! I'm sor-" He began, unsure of what to even say, when a voice that was distinctively Not Derek came through on the other end.

"Spencer?" Ruby's timid voice asked. Spencer furrowed his brow, hesitantly sitting down on the couch.

"Ruby? How- why are you calling me?" He asked, then gulped. "Are you okay? Where's your dad, is he okay?"

"Poppa's sad, Spencer." Spencer could immediately hear the fear in Ruby's voice. "He didn't want to watch Mulan with me and then he had a sleepover with a mean lady. She said I wasn't invited. Then he didn't want to drive me to school, he was very sleepy, but I want to go. We were going to learn about sea turtles."

Spencer could practically see Ruby's crestfallen face, her bottom lip quivering as her voice wavered and tears welled in her eyes. He quickly jumped back to his feet, grabbing his keys as he sped out the door. "Ruby, I want you to keep talking to me, okay? Tell me what you know about sea turtles. What do they like to eat, hm?" He asked, trying to keep her mind preoccupied as he sped towards her house. Jesus, this was starting to become a routine. Would there ever be a time when Spencer _wasn't_ rushing to Derek's?

"They- They like to eat the yucky grass. The slimy kind. Sometimes they eat the other fishes, but that makes me sad so I don't want to talk about that." Ruby said softly. Spencer nodded to himself, wracking his brain for more kid-friendly questions.

"That's very cool. What else? What are they like?" He settled on as he stifled a groan when he stopped behind a line of cars as a red light. He cursed under his breath, then quickly covered his mouth as if he could snatch the word out of the air.

"They're green, but sometimes brown. I like the brown ones the best. I want a shell like they have. They can swim around with a fort on their backs all the time! They like to be in the water, lots and lots, though Mrs. Higgins says they don't need to be 'cause they can breathe like people do. They swim with their friends, and they helped Nemo find his poppa." Ruby paused momentarily and Spencer bit down on his lip, but let out a sigh of relief when the light turned green and he approached Derek's street.

"Wow, that's fascinating, Ruby. You're a very good teacher. Hey, listen, can you tell me if you know how to unlock the door at your house? How to put the numbers in?" Spencer tried hopefully. They were going to have big problems if Ruby didn't know the code for the alarm.

"Yep! Poppa taught me." She said, and Spencer gave a shoutout to whoever was listening up above.

"Alright, that's good. Can you go do that right now? I'm outside and I'd really like to see you and your dad." He asked as he quickly hopped out of the car and jogged up the steps to the Morgan house. He heard fumbling around on the other end of the phone and laughed quietly despite his anxieties. Ruby let out a small grunt of victory as she swung open the heavy door. She stood before Spencer, all dressed up in her school clothes, but he could tell she had tried to put them on herself. She had her dress on backwards and her tights were inside out, but hey, at least her shoes were on right. She was still holding her dad's phone to her ear and Spencer shook his head and smiled down at her.

"You can put the phone away now." He told her, sliding his own into his pocket for example. She nodded and placed the phone down on the table in the foyer. Spencer patted her head, then began to canvas the room. It didn't seem to be too messy, but Spencer did see two empty glasses on the table next to the couch, as well as two empty beer bottles next to it, and he sighed heavily at the sight. Just as he was about to ask Ruby where Derek's bedroom was, he heard the aforementioned man begin to trudge down the stairs groggily. Ruby yelled out, "Poppa!" and rushed over to him, nearly tackling him onto his ass. He looked down at her, bewildered, then slowly wrapped his arms around her. He looked like absolute shit, if that was even possible for a man of his physique. He had impossibly dark circles under his eyes, his usually radiant ebony tone was lackluster and dull, and he looked like he had been wearing the same clothes for days. Spencer took in his appearance and tried to feel sympathetic, but at that point his blood was boiling and he was growing impatient. He cleared his throat to gain Derek's attention, crossing his arms over his chest.

Derek's eyes widened in surprise as they landed on Spencer, but he soon replaced his expression with one of indifference as he asked in a blasé tone, "What are you doing here?" Spencer fought the urge to deck him and yell profanities that would make a sailor blush, but he stayed level headed for Ruby's sake.

"I'm here because your daughter called me at 8:30 in the morning wondering why her father was sleeping the day away as he conveniently forgot to take her to school." He said cooly, staring Derek down so hard it made the older man shift uncomfortably before his eyes widened once again as he hissed out, "Fuck! It's Monday!" Spencer clenched his jaw and had to practice some serious Kung Fu Panda level restraint. He knew deep down Derek was a wonderful father who would never hurt his child, but right at that moment, Spencer felt like he was looking into the eyes of his own father- forgetful, irresponsible, blithely unconcerned, and Spencer saw red when he looked at him.

"Yes. It is." Spencer observed concisely. He turned to Ruby with a plastered on smile and told her, "Why don't you go fix your dress, huh? I'd like to have grown-up time with your dad, if that's okay." His turned to Derek on the last sentence, his eyes cold and angry. Ruby looked between the two hesitantly then slowly made her way back up the stairs. Once Spencer was sure she was out of ear shot, he approached Derek and, naturally, exploded in his face like a goddamn geyser.

"You mind telling me what the fuck is wrong with you?" He asked facetiously, not letting Derek get in a single syllable before he continued. "You go on a fucking bender with some chick while your daughter sits at home wondering why her dad doesn't seem to care about her anymore? All because, what, you had a big gay freak out after making out with a man on your couch? I've got fucking news for you, Derek." He spat, leaning in close to Derek's face as he told him, "You're not fucking straight! You kissed me! Christ, you pinned me down and straddled me the first night we saw each other! Do you honestly think this is something that you can get over by pathetically burying yourself in women and booze? No. You do not have time for that. Parents don't have that luxury. Get the fuck over yourself and be a father." By the time he concluded, Spencer was shaking with range, angrily shoving Derek's chest before he stepped away and turned his back to him. He tried to tell himself that Derek made a mistake, that he had to be rational, that he couldn't just blow up like that, but he didn't care. In his mind, he was twelve years old again, sitting on the floor of his parents bedroom as the two of them screamed and pushed at each other. He was wondering what he had done wrong to make his father so angry, what was wrong with him that made the man want to abandon his own son. He wouldn't let that happen to Ruby, couldn't let her feel abandoned or unloved.

Derek was stunned into silence, unable to even move from his position as he fixed his eyes on Spencer's back. As the sound of Ruby's little footsteps on the stairs filled the room, Derek let out a big gust of air and turned to his daughter, only to see she was clutching the banister with a scared look on her young face.

"You weren't using inside voices." She whispered, twiddling her fingers as she avoided eye contact.

"We just got a little excited, is all." Spencer reassured her, Ruby nodding slowly in understanding.

"I'm going to take you to school today while poppa gets himself cleaned up." He continued, shooting a wicked glare at Derek who was looking down contritely. Ruby made her way over to Spencer, but not before she looked at her father helplessly and sniffled.

"Olive you, poppa." She said softly. Spencer knew Ruby couldn't comprehend Derek's actions, knew she thought their yelling was directed at her, and thought her dad had rejected her. Derek looked at her like someone had just punched him in the gut and he whispered hoarsely, "I love you, too, baby." Ruby nodded at that and took Spencer's hand after grabbing her school bag while Spencer picked up her spare car seat. She kept looking over her shoulder at her father, frowning each time she took in his face. Right before Spencer went to open the door, he turned to Derek and told him, "Call me when you're done with your pity party." Without giving Derek a chance to respond, he tugged lightly on Ruby's hand and soon they were kindergarten bound.

_________________

Any attempts at conversation with Ruby were a lost cause. She stared out the window deep in thought the whole car ride, frowning so hard Spencer was afraid she'd give herself premature wrinkles. Though, to be honest, Spencer himself was frowning as well. More like grimacing, actually. He felt bad. He did. He shouldn't have exploded at Derek like he did, shouldn't have hurt Ruby like that. But worst of all, he felt bad that he didn't feel bad. At least, not that bad. Derek needed to hear what Spencer had to say. Or did he? Spencer kept beating himself up about the situation. He was afraid he had crossed a line. Scratch that, he knew he had crossed a line, he just didn't know where that left him and Derek. And Ruby. God, poor Ruby. Most likely Derek wasn't going to want to see Spencer again after his little meltdown, and Spencer felt like utter shit knowing how sad and confused Ruby would be when Spencer didn't come around anymore. He had really fucked up, hadn't he?

Sighing, Spencer forced himself out of his head for a moment as he pulled up to Ruby's kindergarten. He idly undid Ruby's car seat and took her hand in his, ready to check her in, when he froze. Was that allowed? Could some random guy just check in a student without their parent? He groaned softly at that and trudged towards the door, hoping there wouldn't be any problems. Ruby remained silent, staring down at her shoes as she and Spencer approached the small, colorfully decorated front desk in the lobby.

"Hi, uh- I'm here to check in Ruby Morgan?" Spencer said lamely as he avoided the eyes of the woman at the desk. She blinked at him in confusion, looking down at Ruby and where their hands were joined.

"Are you.. A relative? I've never seen you here before." She asked skeptically. Fuck. Fucking fuck. He couldn't keep with the lie he had concocted at the hospital, that would out Derek to the majority of PTA soccer moms, and those ladies could be vicious.

"No, I'm.. A friend. I babysit for her." Spencer told her. He could feel himself sweating bullets, but knew he couldn't crack under pressure. Don't let them see your fear, Spencer.

"Uh-huh." The woman responded unconvincingly. "Sweetie, do you know this man?" She asked, turning to Ruby. Ruby looked up at her and nodded slowly before turning her eyes to Spencer.

"He's my friend. He helps poppa to not be sad and reads to me in his funny voice. I like him." She stated with certainty, giving Spencer a rare smile that lit up the room. The woman's features visibly softened at that and she gave a sharp nod as she proceeded to check Ruby in, her fingernails clacking on the keys, grating Spencer's ears terribly. Ruby seemed to feel the same way as her hands shot up to over her ears and she yelled, "I don't like the click sound! Be quiet!"

The woman looked at her, flabbergasted, before she slowed her typing down, using only the pads of her fingers. Ruby nodded her approval at that, and pretty soon she was tugging on Spencer hand and leading him in the direction of her classroom.

"Come learn about the turtles with me!" She exclaimed, trying to physically drag him to the room.

"Ruby, I've gotta go to work." He said weakly, looking down at her and cursing himself as her eyes filled with tears.

"But.. I want you to see the pictures in my book." She whined with a pout and Spencer sighed and gave her a nod.

"Okay. Only for a minute, and only if your teacher says it's okay." Ruby beamed up at him and had Spencer wrapped, literally and metaphorically, around her finger. She pulled him along into the classroom where he promptly gulped, overcome by fear. Rugrat germs. His greatest weakness.

"Mrs. Higgins!" Ruby yelled, running to the older woman standing at the front of the room. She glared at Ruby and Spencer got an uneasy feeling in his stomach.

"Ruby, I am speaking. Please do not interrupt." She said formally and Spencer fought the urge to roll his eyes. Oh. One of those.

"But Spencer's here! He likes the sea turtles, too!" Ruby continued, ignoring the looks from her classmates as well as Mrs. Higgins, who scowled at Ruby. She looked to Spencer then, her eyes scrutinizing every inch of him.

"And who are you?" She asked of him. Spencer avoided her gaze and coughed, suddenly feeling restless.

"Uh- The babysitter. We had a hard time getting ready this morning so we came in a little late. My apologies." Spencer said, not willing to admit to himself how totally not smooth that sounded.

"Well, I can't have you or Miss Morgan disrupting my class. Ruby, sit down." Mrs. Higgins commanded of the girl at Spencer's side, who was now slowly but surely tearing up once again.

"I want Spencer to stay." She said with a sniffle, to which Mrs. Higgins replied, with her hands on her hips, "He can't. Now sit down and be quiet, please."

At that point, Spencer was grinding his teeth with his fist clenched at his side, doing some Yoga Mom breathing techniques to keep his cool. He never considered himself an angry person, but as of lately he was just done with everybody's shit. Maybe being around Ruby's blunt childlike innocence helped him lose his own filter as well.

"I- I'll miss you." Ruby told Spencer tearfully, looking up at him with her shiny brown eyes. Spencer felt his heartbreak at the sight of her and placed his hand tentatively on her shoulder.

"It'll be okay. The turtles are here. Have a good day, okay?" He said weakly. Ugh. Couldn't he just walk around on his knees and pretend to be a kindergartener for the day?

"Okay." Ruby said, wrapping her arms around Spencer's legs before adding, "Olive you, Mister Spencer." Spencer blushed at that but smiled down at her warmly nonetheless, his heart suddenly feeling all fluttery. He gave her a nod before he patted her back and reluctantly turned away from her, making his way to the car gloomily.

As he buckled himself in, Spencer found himself zoning out as he stared blankly at the brick building in front of him. As usual, his mind wandered back to Derek. He wondered if Derek would ever speak to him, let alone let him back in his home again. But Spencer was stubborn - he always had been. He wasn't going to apologize. How could he? He was a prideful bastard and couldn't admit he had jumped to conclusions. But he knew he had been harsh, irrational, and downright rude. Did Derek need to hear his words? Yes. Did he need to have them screamed and cursed at him? Probably not, but Spencer wouldn't own up to that in any normal situation. Of course, no situation with Derek was normal. The spontaneity of Derek's life scared Spencer, there was no doubt about that. But being around him, being around Ruby, made Spencer feel free. He was able to give up some of his worries and focus on friendship, something he rarely came across. So, for the sake of whatever relationship he had with Derek, he was willing to swallow his pride and be the bigger person.

_________________

Spencer's classes of the day were far and few between, and by 2:30 he found himself making the trek back to Derek's house in resolution. As he pulled up to the house, he felt frozen in place as he stared at the mahogany door. Such a menacing creature. But, after a few moments of collecting himself, he stepped out of the car and hopped up Derek's steps with determination, his shoulders squared and chin up. He didn't even need to knock as the door was already being swung open by a still disheveled Derek. The pair simply stared at each other for a few moments before Derek wordlessly stepped aside to allow Spencer in. They stood awkwardly in the center of the room, avoiding eye contact with one another. Just as the silence was about to send Spencer into a fit, Derek whispered, barely audibly, "You were right."

Spencer stared at him in disbelief momentarily before giving a curt nod and crossing his arms over his chest. "Yes. I was."

Derek huffed at that and cracked a barely there smile before his face returned to the hard, stoic demeanor that infuriated Spencer.

"Talk to me." Spencer demanded, earning a scoff from Derek who grumbled, "Why should I?" Derek mirrored Spencer's position, crossing his own arms over his chest in an attempt to look intimidating, but it just made Spencer want to punch him for being so hot while he was trying to be mad.

"Because I know you want to." Spencer replied simply. Derek stared at Spencer for a long while before he exhaled sharply and walked over to the couch, dropping his face in his hands. Spencer hesitated, feeling panic rise in his stomach. Did he push to hard? When he heard the telltale sound of a sniffle, he cursed himself and went over to Derek, reaching out to comfort him but jerking back quickly.

"I'm not gay." Derek said in a gruff voice as he wiped at his eyes violently. "I like women." He added hollowly. Sighing, Spencer sat down next to him on the couch, keeping a safe distance.

"But you like men, too." Spencer guessed. A pause. A nod.

"Derek, that's fine. I feel the sa-" Spencer began, but Derek's low growl cut him off.

"It's not fucking 'fine'!" He snapped, turning to looking at Spencer with wild eyes. "I'm supposed to be- and I wasn't- and then, he-" He didn't let himself finish the sentence as he dug his nails into the palms of his hands. Spencer looked at him sadly, nervously wringing his hands before he took a deep breath.

"There's nothing wrong with you. The attraction you experience, it's normal. Homosexuality is practiced by many different cultures, even different species. Female bonobo's often engage in tribadism with one another, their genitals being specifically designed for lesbian sex. 94% of sexual activities in giraffes are between two males. Killer whales, vampire bats, flamingos, dolphins, snails - you name a species, and they've most likely had some form of homosexual contact with one another. It's a natural feeling, there isn't anything wrong or perverse about it." He insisted with pleading eyes. Derek clenched his jaw as he averted his gaze, choosing to focus anywhere that wasn't Spencer's sad, supportive eyes.

"And that's why you can't stifle it by hooking up with whatever woman is convenient. You have a child, man. You can't not be there for her every time you question your sexuality." Spencer said softly but firmly, finally reaching out to touch Derek's shoulder. The latter tensed slightly under Spencer's grip but didn't shrug his hand off.

"What made you gay?" Derek asked as his eyes finally met Spencer's, who were narrowed in confusion.

"Nothing 'made me' gay, Derek." He said simply, but Derek just let out a frustrated sound.

"I get that, but I mean.. There's got to be something. Something that triggers it, right? That's what-" Derek stopped himself, biting down on his lower lip to keep the words from tumbling out.

"That's not how it works." Spencer told him with a small smile. "I was- _we were_ born this way." He added, and fear flashed in Derek's eyes but he nodded slowly regardless.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of." Spencer said softly, tracing slow circles with his thumb on Derek's shoulder. It seemed like Derek actually relaxed at that, his muscles loosening with every pass of Spencer's finger.

"How'd you..? That you were- you know." Derek asked nervously. Spencer gave him another small smile and reassured, "It's okay to ask." Derek nodded at that, his cheeks filling with color.

"A lot of people say they always knew and I guess that's true for me. I never understood social customs. I knew the dictionary definition of homosexuality. I knew it was practiced in hundreds of species. I didn't think people were so against it because it just seemed so natural to me. I only knew it really applied to me, though, when I was seven and I kissed another boy on the playground. The teacher scolded me and the kids teased me incessantly. So, I felt that same shame you know. I devoted my life to education in order to escape my.. 'Desires'. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 23, when my body finally caught up with my brain and I realized a life of repression was ridiculous. But, that's not to say I don't like women at all. I think I prefer women's minds over their bodies, though. I'm not physically or.. Sexually attracted to them, but rather just romantically. I don't know, though. I've never dated anyone." Spencer confessed shyly with a bright blush. Instead of Derek perking up at the little pep-talk, though, he just stared at Spencer in disbelief.

"No one? Like, not even a few dates?" He asked incredulously. Spencer looked down at his lap and shrugged, his face burning.

"I went on two dates with one girl and they were both painfully awkward. And the only other people I had.. Relations with, those were just one time things. God, why am I telling you this?" Spencer said with an airy laugh, peeking up at Derek from behind his lashes. Derek simply looked at him for a few seconds before he gave a grin and a laugh of his own.

"I don't know. This whole situation is weird. I used to think I was straight but here I am, sitting on my couch with a guy I kissed while my kid is at school and instead of freaking out, I really just wanna kiss him again." Derek said with a shake of his head before he froze, his mouth hanging open slightly at his confession. "I didn't mean- I'm-" He started to stutter, but snapped his mouth shut when Spencer placed his hand on Derek's cheek.

"You can." Spencer said softly, leaning in closer before adding, "If you want to." for good measure. Derek stared at him, apprehension in his eyes, before he nodded dumbly at Spencer and awkwardly put his hands on his shoulders. "Okay. Uh- so. I'm gonna, like-" Derek began, but Spencer just laughed quietly at that before rolling his eyes, leaning in and giving Derek a slow, soft kiss. Derek whined quietly against Spencer's lips, hands trailing up to each side of his face as he returned the kiss eagerly. Spencer hummed his approval as he allowed his free hand to rest on Derek's bicep, the other wrapped around the back of his neck. They moved their lips against each other's ardently, allowing themselves to explore one another's bodies with hesitant but enthusiastic hands.

Spencer was clutching at Derek a bit more desperately than he'd like to admit. He cursed himself for it, but he had really begun to develop some type of feelings for Derek, and knowing how temperamental Derek's sexuality was, he didn't want that window of opportunity to close like it had the last time. He didn't want to see that cautious, wary look in Derek's eyes as he shut himself away in his self loathing once again. Spencer just wanted to help Derek forget about what he'd been taught to feel about himself, about whatever it was in his life that made him feel so revolted with who he was.

So, he fisted his hand in Derek's shirt and pulled him in closer in a bold, selfish move. Derek complied happily, sliding his hands down to grasp Spencer's hips. The younger man gasped slightly at that, and Derek seized the opportunity, slipping his tongue into Spencer's mouth at that moment. Spencer couldn't even think about how gross that was, because if Derek had spent the whole weekend wallowing, he most likely did not brush his teeth. Spencer simply relished in the contact, though, sliding his own tongue against Derek's. As Derek gripped Spencer by the hips, pulling him into his lap with zeal, Spencer's fingers began to dance around the buttons of Derek's worn Henley while Derek's hands traveled down his backside. Spencer keened under Derek's touch, subtly grinding his hips down against Derek's, when the older man gasped and pulled back immediately. Spencer looked at Derek with sad eyes, sighing heavily as he raked his hand through his hair and asked, "Really?"

Derek narrowed his eyes at Spencer in confusion before they widened and he laughed, looking at Spencer like he knew something he didn't. "No, no, we- I just realized we have to pick up Ruby." He said with another soft chuckle, rubbing small circles on Spencer's lower back. Spencer huffed but smiled at Derek regardless, giving a nod before climbing out of his lap. He straightened out his clothes and attempted to do the same to his hair, while Derek didn't even bother to go put something other than sweatpants on. Derek went to grab his keys off of the table by the door, when Spencer gripped his wrist and stopped him.

"Hey, uh," he began timidly, "What is this..? I-I mean, what are 'we'? If there's a 'we'. I mean- there doesn't have to be a 'we'. We don't have to be, like, boyfriends. Or even friends, I just- Like you? And like kissing you. And Ruby. Wait, not kissing Ruby. I like Ruby. Not like I like you. That'd be weird. Like this conversation is. Totally.. Totally weird." Spencer rambled on, trying but failing to quell his serious case of word vomit. Derek stared at him, utterly bewildered, before he busted out laughing and gave Spencer that wide, toothy smile that made his knees weak.

"We're.. I'll think about it. Okay?" Derek said, his grin never faltering. Spencer nodded slowly, his whole face bright red as he leaned in and daringly pressed a kiss to Derek's cheek.

"Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "To say "I love you" one must know first how to say the "I"." Ayn Rand


	6. Strange Attractor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "All men are born firstly with the instinct to protect themselves. But few grow to really love themselves, and even fewer learn to love their neighbor as themselves." Criss Jami

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yaaay we finally get some derek/spencer alone time! a good 3/4's of this chapter is super fucking awkward and painfully realistic. derek will probably seem so out of character but that's intentional! in my verse he's never spoken a word about his abuse and is eons away from confronting it and realizing the affects it has on his sexual relationships. his awkwardness can be attributed to the fact that he has never once been with a man sexually since his abuse. all he knows about sex with other men is pain and violation and seeing the completely different side of that dichotomy really takes its toll on him. buuut i promise this isn't as dark and sad as im making it sound! on with it!

Spencer and Derek had unconsciously fallen into a routine with one another. On days when Spencer didn't have early morning classes, he'd drive with Derek and Ruby to drop the girl off at school, doing the same when it came time to pick her up. Some days when Derek got held up at work, Spencer would spend the evening with Ruby, helping her do her homework (fuck common core, by the way) and watching some of her favorite movies. Spencer introduced her to silent comedy films, which she loved, as well as the original Disney movies. The two had established a very close rapport with one another and sometimes Ruby would even get mad when Derek got home because it meant it was time for Spencer to leave. There were some days, though far and in between, where Spencer and Derek had a few seconds of alone time to learn new things about one another's bodies and minds. This was one of those days.

Spencer had no classes scheduled for the day, and Derek's boss had allotted him vacation time. They had driven Ruby to school together and decided to grab an oh-so healthy breakfast from the McDonald's drive thru before they came home and collapsed on the couch together. They ate in comfortable silence, until Derek looked up at Spencer and started chuckling. Spencer looked at him with narrow eyes and asked, "What?"

Derek only continued to laugh as he pointed at Spencer's face and said, "You've got.." He gestured to Spencer's chin, shaking his head when Spencer started wiping at his face. "No, not there. Over a bit. Fuck it, come here." Derek licked his thumb and swiped it across the corner of Spencer's mouth, unconsciously running it along his wet bottom lip. Spencer blushed at the contact but looked at Derek and slowly ran his tongue over Derek's thumb. The latter shivered at the simple action and leaned in to replace his thumb with his own lips. Spencer enthusiastically slid his lips over Derek's, wrapping his arms around the older man's neck as their lips and tongues moved in harmony with one another. Spencer could feel Derek smiling against his lips and he pulled back, resting his forehead against his.

"I, uh-" Derek began before clearing his throat. "I thought about it." He told Spencer ambiguously. Spencer furrowed his brow slightly, cupping Derek's cheek in his right hand.

"About what?" He asked, running his thumb over Derek's cheekbone. Derek huffed, his shy smile returning.

"About the whole 'we' thing. Like, us. I want there to be an 'us'. I don't- I like you, okay? God, it's really weird, but.. I like you. I like whatever it is we're doing here. And I kinda wanna keep doing it. But, only with you. Just you. If that's what you want, too? Because if not, that's cool. It's chill, really, I don't care. You know, you probably got men out the Benz lined up to get with you, but just- You know." He said maladroitly, a nervous laugh ghosting over Spencer's lips.

"Men out the Benz? Really?" Spencer asked with a laugh of his own. "Were you not listening when I told you how painfully lacking my dating life was? I mean, look at me, I'm- and I haven't even slept with someone in-" Spencer stopped himself, looking down with a blush as he pulled away from Derek slightly. Derek frowned at that, reaching for Spencer's wrist.

"Hey, don't be like that. You're.. I don't know. You're a huge weirdo, but, dude, you're.. Cute. Pretty. Good looking. Hot." Derek said, his own cheeks heating up. "See, this is weird for me, okay? I'm not this guy. I don't stumble over my words and say stupid shit. I'm suave, okay? Debonair suave. Promise. You just.. Make me awkward." He continued with a pout. Spencer giggled quietly as he looked at Derek's face.

"Is this what a crush is?" Spencer asked in a timid voice. Derek barked out a laugh, giving Spencer a nod.

"Check yes if you like me?" Derek teased, only laughing louder when Spencer was oblivious to the joke.

"I thought we established I liked you already." He said, but Derek rolled his eyes at him.

"It's a- forget it. Come here." He demanded, hoisting Spencer into his lap as he leaned in to kiss him again. Spencer let out a quiet oomph, squirming around slightly in Derek's lap as he situated himself. He snaked his arms around Derek's neck, returning his kiss with fervor. As he pressed his hips down against Derek's, though, he promptly gasped, then blushed a deep crimson.

"Is that your..?" He squeaked out, giving an experimental roll of his hips. When Derek groaned quietly, Spencer's eyes widened as his hypothesis was confirmed. Yep. Penis. Definitely a penis. Derek froze and looked at Spencer, his eyes filling with shame as he looked ready to shove Spencer off of him.

"Wait, wait, no. I didn't mean- I was just.. Are we 'there'? Like, would you.. Want that kind of thing?" Spencer questioned, gripping Derek's neck tighter. Derek looked away ashamedly, shrugging his shoulders loosely.

"I- Isn't that what we're supposed to do?" He asked, causing Spencer to frown.

"Supposed to? Derek, we're not 'supposed to' do anything in this.. Whatever this is. We don't have to do that." Spencer explained, but Derek seemed unconvinced.

"Yeah, but, you'd want to. Right? I mean, you just said, you're backed up, and I don't want you to be in this thing and not get any release. That's just not fair." He said, looking at Spencer with incredulous eyes. Spencer sighed at that as he placed both hands on Derek's shoulders.

"I don't care about that. Really, it's fine. I've been okay for seven months and four days, a little while longer won't hurt me." He reassured. Derek sighed in exasperation, looking at Spencer with his eyebrows pulled together.

"Okay, but I- I mean, what if _I_ wanted to..?" He said, clearing his throat as he blushed deeply.

"Do you want to have sex with me?" Spencer asked formally. Derek almost laughed at that but he was too embarrassed to even form sounds. His lips moved wordlessly, trying to catch up with his brain, but he settled with a nod as to not strain himself. Spencer grinned shyly, trailing his hands down Derek's chest.

"I- Where?" Spencer asked, giddily playing with the buttons on Derek's shirt. He had his lip pulled between his teeth and Derek let out a low groan, looking helplessly up at Spencer.

"Um. My bedroom. Yeah. Obviously." He told Spencer, laughing a little bit too hard. Spencer nodded, chewing on his lip incessantly before he rose to his feet, taking Derek with him. The pair made their way up the stairs in silence. When they stepped into Derek's bedroom, they stood in the center of the room together, each fidgeting nervously.

"I don't know how to do this." Derek confessed as he rubbed the back of his neck. Spencer swallowed and approached him, putting a tentative hand on his chest while the other trailed down his side.

"Just.. Follow my lead." He told Derek, leaning in to capture his lips in another kiss. That part was easy for Derek. Kissing each other had become second nature to the two, considering that's all they did when they were alone. Spencer honestly thought they'd never get around to doing anything else. He didn't think Derek even wanted that. They never even got around to the awkward petting part of the make out session. Spencer still felt as though he had to walk around eggshells with Derek. He didn't want to make a wrong move and screw everything up. They had just gotten to a point where things were alright, where Derek was comfortable. Spencer didn't wanna ruin that. For all he knew, Derek could've still considered himself straight and thought what him and Spencer were doing was just some kind of really close friendship. You know, just bros kissing bros. Socrates and Plato at a symposia. No big deal. But, bros having sex with bros? That's a huge step if you still think you're straight. But, Derek had agreed to it. And he seemed pretty adamant about it on the couch. So, Spencer slowly began to deftly undo the buttons on Derek's shirt as they kissed languidly.

Derek reached for Spencer cardigan, and the younger man shimmied out of it quickly before undoing the last button on Derek's shirt. Spencer shoved the shirt off of his shoulders, hands immediately going to his undershirt. Derek had the same idea, his shaky fingers undoing Spencer's shirt as the latter ran his hands up and down Derek's chest before he lifted up his undershirt, helping him shrug it off. Soon enough, Spencer's shirt joined Derek's on the floor and clammy, nervous hands met heated flesh. Derek paused as he ran his hands along Spencer's flat chest and Spencer snorted at that.

"Would you like me to put oranges there?" He teased after pulling away from Derek a few inches. He immediately frowned when he saw Derek's nervous expression, anxiety prominent in his dark eyes.

"Hey, I was just- I'm sorry." Spencer said, putting his hand on Derek's face. Derek sighed, closing his eyes momentarily before he looked at Spencer and smiled slightly.

"It's okay. It's just, uh- It's not- I've never done this before. Not like this." He said quietly. Spencer gave him a suspicious look but nodded nonetheless.

"Do you wanna.. Get on the bed?" Spencer asked, watching as Derek's eyes widened but he still nodded enthusiastically. Derek backed up until the back of his knees hit the bed, then fell back onto the mattress and scooted back until he was sitting with his back against the headboard. Spencer looked at him in contemplation before he plopped down on his knees at the foot of the bed, crawling awkwardly up to Derek before sitting down in his lap. Spencer smoothed his hands over his jean clad legs, grinning shyly. A bright blush crept down his chest as Derek let his hands roam over the smooth expanse of skin, fingers trailing down Spencer's stomach before they landed on his belt buckle.

"Can I?" Derek asked as he nervously tapped his nails on the cool metal. Spencer nodded, pushing his hips up into Derek's touch for emphasis. He let his own hands trail down to Derek's pants as well, looking at him from behind his lashes to seek confirmation. When Derek gave a sharp nod, Spencer put his fingers to work as Derek did the same. Spencer didn't miss how hard Derek's hands shook as he fumbled to unbutton Spencer's jeans, eyes widening with fear as he look at the slight bulge in Spencer's briefs. Spencer sighed softly, putting his hand over Derek's, feeling the tremors racking his body.

"We don't have to do this if you're nervous. I promise it's fine, really." Spencer encouraged as he gave Derek's hand a squeeze. With a sigh, Derek looked up at him, chewing on his plump bottom lip.

"I want to, I just.. It's difficult for me, okay?" Derek confessed with another hefty sigh. He screwed his eyes shut momentarily before he looked back at Spencer's kind eyes and placed his hands on the younger man's shoulders.

"I want to." Derek echoed before he leaned in to press a kiss to Spencer's neck. Spencer shivered at the contact, his hands going to the back of Derek's neck as he continued to litter his neck and chest with open mouthed kisses. Derek gently nipped the skin just next to Spencer's pulse point and Spencer felt him smile against his throat as Spencer let out a soft moan. Derek pulled back, the remanence of his smile still prominent. Wordlessly, Spencer shimmied out of Derek's lap, laying on his back for a few seconds as he shucked off his jeans, leaving him in only his underwear. Derek looked over at him and swallowed thickly, but mirrored his actions with finesse. When they were both out of their pants, Spencer and Derek laid on their sides and stared at one another for an embarrassingly long amount of time. This was happening. It was really happening. It was all too real now. Spencer was in Derek's bed. Without clothes on. Awesome. And terrifying. Terrifyingly awesome.

"I should.. Take these off." Derek said, his hands going to his briefs. Spencer looked down and blushed heavily when he saw how hard Derek was. Jesus, was that for him? Spencer's breath caught in his throat as he shifted his gaze back to Derek and saw the heated look in his eyes.

"I can- Let me." Spencer told him, placing his hands at the waistband of Derek's briefs. He coaxed Derek onto his back and looked to him for permission. Derek raised his hips to indicate his consent, so Spencer slowly pulled them down, looking nervously at Derek the whole time. Derek exhaled sharply when the cool air hit his sensitive skin, listening as Spencer let out a quiet whine at the sight of him. He didn't have time to comment before Spencer leaned down and began trailing kisses down Derek's stomach, earning a choked out moan from an unsuspecting Derek. When Spencer tentatively took Derek's cock in his hand and kissed down his body lower and lower, Derek gasped quietly and looked down at Spencer, whose dark, lust-blown eyes were staring at him.

"You don't have to- I mean, I'm already- So, you don't have to do that, not if you don't want to." He choked out, biting down hard on his lip as he watched Spencer rub his thumbs over Derek's hipbones.

"I know. I want to, though. If- If you'd like." Spencer said quietly. Derek nodded his approval eagerly and Spencer smiled proudly to himself, taking a deep breath before he ducked down to press his lips against Derek's head. It'd been quite a long time since he'd done this, to be honest. Of course, he couldn't forget the mechanics of the act, which were really quite simple - suck, and for the love of God, keep your fucking teeth out of the way. Spencer didn't really have a lot of experience to go off of, though. He'd done it a couple of times, sure, but he was no expert. Hell, he'd only been on the receiving end a handful of times as well. He wasn't really sure what he liked and how to apply that to others. So, he resorted to what he knew best; science. It was basic anatomy 101. He knew what areas were most sensitive and what he could do to stimulate them.

With that, Spencer carefully darted his tongue out and licked a stripe up Derek's length, pleased with himself when he heard Derek emit a sigh of pleasure. He looked up at Derek to see he was staring at Spencer, eyes transfixed on his mouth. Spencer let out a soft hum of approval before he closed his lips over Derek's head and began to bob his head slowly, making sure to press his tongue against the vein on the underside of Derek's cock, as well as flick it over his slit each time he came up. If Derek's low groans were an indication, Spencer was doing a pretty good job all things considered. He pulled off for a moment, wrapping his hand around the base before he looked back up to Derek as he took his cock in his mouth once again. Derek let out a choked whimper, his head falling back against the headboard with a thud as he fisted his hands in Spencer's hair. Spencer knew he didn't mean it, but Derek instinctively thrusted his hips up, freezing as he heard Spencer gag. Yeah, good way to ruin the mood.

"Sorry, sorry. Fuck, you should- Spencer, stop, stop." Derek stuttered, pulling on Spencer's hair to get him to pull back off. Spencer looked at him with curious eyes and asked, "What? I'm fine, really, just don't-"

Derek cut him off mid sentence as he said, "No, no, it's just- I was, um- I was gonna.. you know, so.. Yeah." Spencer watched as Derek's Adam's apple bobbed in his throat and his face heated in embarrassment, and Spencer's eyebrows shot up in realization.

"Oh. Oh, okay. So you.. You don't wanna just..?" He asked with a vague hand gesture. Were they ever going to get around to using complete sentences or was that a thing of the past?

"I wanted to, um, get to the main event." Derek said softly, looking down at Spencer expectantly. Spencer nodded his understanding and pushed himself off of Derek, rolling back over to his side.

"Okay. Are you going to be.. Topping? I mean, I kind of assumed you were, but if you don't want to, I can, but I usually don't so- I don't know." Spencer maundered on. Derek looked at him with wide, flabbergasted eyes.

"Yeah, I mean, of course I am. I'm not- and I wouldn't- No." He shook his head at the thought of Spencer's insinuation, sighing softly as Spencer said, "Hey, don't be like that. I only meant to seek clarification." Derek looked down and apologized quietly before he put his hand on Spencer's cheek and took a few deep breaths.

"How are we doing this?" He asked, seemingly embarrassed of himself for even asking. Spencer smiled softly at Derek, running his hand along the other man's side.

"Well, extensive foreplay is necessary for, um.. Anal sex." Spencer explained while he nibbled on his lip. Derek nodded to convey his understanding.

"Okay, so, are you gonna do that or am I? 'Cause, I mean, I can, but I'm not sure if it'll be any good because I don't- I don't really know what I'm doing here." He said with an exasperated sigh. Spencer could tell it unnerved Derek, being so out of his element. He assumed Derek most likely always took on a more dominant role and was used to being in charge. He exhumed confidence and Spencer figured that applied to the bedroom as well. But, being with a man, it seemed new to Derek. He had kind of led on to believe he had some experience, but Spencer wasn't sure what that meant. Derek wasn't the only one who felt out of place, though. He didn't control the scenario like he was doing with Derek. He usually just let his partner do their thing, only speaking up when he didn't like something or wanted to stop. He wasn't submissive, but he certainly wasn't domineering and instructive. This was all fairly new to him and he wasn't sure if it was making him nervous or desperately turned on. Or both. Definitely both.

"How about you do it and I'll tell you what's okay and what's not? It's fairly simple, probably similar to what you've done with women. The same mechanics apply." Spencer told Derek, who stared at him with that same wide eyed, anxious expression before he nodded.

"But, um.. Unlike women, I don't- There's no, um, 'natural lubrication', so to speak." He said with a blush. "Do you have any? Lubricant, I mean? Uh, silicone based is usually preferred for this kind of thing but water based is cool, too."

Derek looked away with heated cheeks, reaching over to the bedside table to open one of the drawers, allowing Spencer a quick glimpse inside. There were some miscellaneous items, like pens and old batteries, but Spencer could see some magazines, with, erm, suggestive images on the covers, that had seen some better days, as well as a box of condoms and a bottle of lubricant. What caught Spencer's eye, though, was something shiny, silver, and metallic. He only looked in the drawer for all of three seconds, but the image was burned into his retinas for all eternity. Handcuffs. Derek Morgan kept handcuffs in his bedside table. He squeaked in surprise, eyes darting to Derek who furrowed his brow in confusion, before he turned bright red.

"You didn't see those." He insisted, refusing to meet Spencer's eyes as he threw the bottle down on the bed. Spencer blinked several times to regain his composure before he spoke.

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about. A lot of people engage in, uh.. light bondage." He reassured, though the expression on his face wasn't because he was grossed out by the idea of Derek doing.. Whatever it was he did with those. No, Spencer was intrigued. And kind of, sort of, (really, definitely) wanted to see Derek put them to use. But, that was for another time. If there even would be another time. If they kept up with the painfully awkward exchanges Spencer was sure that wouldn't really play out in his favor. Still, though. He was nervous, a lot more nervous than he was used to during sex. He didn't wanna make Derek uncomfortable or freak him out, and he was adamantly afraid of rejection. Spencer was insecure, he always had been. He constantly felt awkward, odd-looking, and annoying, and he really did not want Derek to come to his senses and realize that.

With a sigh, Spencer reached over to take Derek's hand in his and smiled softly at him. "Really. There's no reason to be ashamed of that, of any of this. It's okay." He reassured softly, leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to Derek's lips. Spencer never really considered himself a tactile, comforting person. He was uncomfortable in situations were others were in duress, but around Derek and Ruby, he felt the urge to protect and reassure.

"Thanks." Derek said quietly against Spencer's lips before he cleared his throat. Spencer nodded, stroking his thumb over Derek's knuckles before he rolled over onto his back.

"You're going to want to, uh- Coat your fingers with that and then, um.. Just hike my leg up and.. Go at it." Spencer instructed, handing the lube over to Derek, who nodded with a determined look on his face. Spencer chewed on the inside of his cheek before he quickly rid himself of his underwear, turning his head to the side so he didn't have to see Derek's face. He heard Derek's breath catch in his throat, then felt nervous hands on his hips, shaky fingers drawing circles on his hipbones. Derek let his hands wander down Spencer's long, thin thighs, fingers brushing over the sensitive skin of his inner thighs, earning a soft, happy sigh from Spencer. Suddenly, he hooked his arm underneath Spencer's knee, hiking it up onto his hip as instructed. Spencer squeaked quietly at that and blushed when Derek laughed softly at the sound. Spencer's blush deepened as he watched Derek reach for the bottle. He released Spencer's leg for a moment, Spencer digging his heel in Derek's lower back to keep it propped up, to uncap the bottle and spread it over his fingers. He looked down at Spencer expectantly, holding his hand awkwardly in mid air.

"You need to, um, spread that over my, ah.. Entrance." Spencer said, clearing his throat when his voice came out high and squeaky. Derek snorted at that, then slowly lowered his hand. He inhaled sharply before he pressed his middle finger against Spencer's hole, staring at it like it was the fucking eye of Sauron. He rubbed his finger over the sensitive skin, looking up to Spencer with his lip pulled between his teeth.

"Okay?" He said, earning a nod from Spencer who told him, "Yeah. Now you're just gonna.. Yeah." He motioned to Derek's hand and shifted his hips up slightly so they were at an angle. He sucked in a deep breath, exhaling shakily when he felt Derek press his finger inside.

"Curl your finger, like in a C-shape." Spencer said, cutting himself off with a gasp as Derek brushed over his prostate.

"Shit, I'm sorry, did that hurt?" Derek apologized quickly, going to withdraw his hand but Spencer gripped his wrist and shook his head.

"No, it's just very sensitive. If you're not gentle, it's quite overwhelming." He explained. "It's okay, keep going."

Derek gave him a dubious nod, studying Spencer's face for any sign of discomfort. When he was met with none, he exhaled sharply in relief and continued to move his finger. He was much more gentle with Spencer's prostate, which was greatly appreciated, and had begun to slowly pull his finger back then push it back in. He was met with no resistance, watching where his finger disappeared inside Spencer. Spencer was blushing under Derek's scrutiny, but was pushing his hips down onto Derek's hand regardless.

"You can use another one." He encouraged with a wiggle of his hips. Derek swallowed, looking up at Spencer with fearful eyes.

"Are you sure? I- Isn't that going to hurt?" He asked sheepishly. Spencer furrowed his brow worriedly, shaking his head.

"No, not if it's done right. Sex shouldn't hurt, Derek." Spencer said with wary eyes. Derek looked away from him after nodding his head slowly and Spencer frowned. He appreciated Derek's concern, but he also thought it was a little strange how worried Derek was about hurting Spencer.

"You could add more lube. That'll make it a lot easier." Spencer clarified. Derek fumbled around for the bottle before he squeezed more onto his fingers. He slowly slid his index finger in alongside his middle, staring up at Spencer. He scissored his fingers slightly but froze when he heard Spencer whimper.

"Are you sure I'm not hurting you?" Derek asked again. Spencer sighed, slightly frustrated. He knew Derek meant well, but still.

"You're not. I promise. I'd tell you if you were." He said told Derek firmly. "Just keep doing what you were doing. I'll let you know when I'm ready." He placed his hand on Derek's cheek for good measure, leaning in to capture his lips in a soft kiss. Derek let out a surprised noise against Spencer's lips but got with the program and kissed him back, hesitantly repeating his earlier ministrations. He made sure to curl his fingers just slightly, pleased to see Spencer's back arch at the pleasure. Spencer let out a low moan that Derek swallowed down as he continued to deepen their kiss. When Spencer was eagerly wiggling his hips down onto Derek's fingers, Derek pulled back to get a look at his flushed, heated face. Spencer was blushing all over, his mouth hanging open, lips red and shiny, his big brown eyes blown wide with lust, and Derek couldn't help but shiver.

"I'm okay." Spencer said, rolling his hips once again. "You can.. Yeah." He added shyly. Derek's breathing sped up at Spencer's words and it took him a few seconds to actually break the intense eye contact they were sharing.

"Wait, but.. We need, um- We need condoms." Spencer said as Derek reached for the lube. Derek looked at him slightly confused.

"I'm clean if that's what you're worried about. Unless, you're not..?" Derek asked, his face paling slightly. Spencer's eyes widened comically and he shook his head.

"No, no, I am, too, and I trust that you are, but.. It just gets really messy. And kind of disgusting." Spencer said with a nervous giggle. Derek shot him a small grin and gave a quiet laugh of his own, nodding in understanding. He slowly withdrew his fingers, licking his lips unconsciously as Spencer moaned softly. He reached over to the bedside table, retrieving the box of the condoms, cheeks only heating slightly when he saw Spencer shoot him a knowing smile. He grabbed one of the foil packets with trembling hands, trying and failing to get his fingers to tear it open.

"I got it." Spencer mumbled, reaching out to take the offending object from Derek, who glared at him but let him have his way. He tore the packet with finesse, smirking triumphantly at Derek, who was pouting. Spencer laughed softly before he ran his hand down Derek's chest, thumb brushing over his nipple, and rolled the condom on for him. His long finger trailed up the underside of Derek's length, his eyes staring into Derek's unblinkingly.

"How do you want me?" He asked lowly, face burning at the sound of his own voice. Derek looked down at Spencer, mouth slightly agape before he swallowed and shook his head to regain his composure.

"Like this is fine. I need to- I want to see your face." He confessed and Spencer nodded his understanding. He reached across the bed to grab one of Derek's pillows, awkwardly shifting so he could place it under his hips. He watched as Derek squeezed out even more lube, stroking himself to spread it evenly with a soft moan.

"It feels best if I put my legs over your shoulders." Spencer said as he stared up at Derek expectantly. The latter nodded and went to do just that, groaning as he saw how easily Spencer bent in half. Spencer leaned up to press a kiss to Derek's lips before he pushed his hips up in anticipation.

"It's okay." He reassure Derek, placing his hands on either side of his face. Derek dropped his head down for a moment, simply resting his forehead on Spencer's before he took a deep breath and lined himself up, only to pause and let his eyes flicker back to Spencer.

"And you're sure you want to-" Spencer frustrated groan cut off the rest of Derek's sentence.

"Derek, _please_." Spencer demanded, canting up his hips once more, letting out a small whine when his cock pressed against Derek's stomach. He'd yet to be touched, and every little sensation was driving him crazy, the heat pooling in his stomach becoming unbearable. Derek looked at him with wide, lustful eyes before he swallowed around the lump in his throat and ever so slowly began to push into Spencer. Spencer's body instantly resisted him, but Spencer encouraged Derek by digging his heels into his back.

"It's okay, keep going." He said softly. Derek let out a shaky breath that ghosted over Spencer's neck as he leaned down to litter kisses all over the creamy expanse of skin. Spencer's hands went to the back of Derek's head, tilting his own to the side to allow Derek better access. Derek continued to kiss and suck gently down Spencer's neck to distract him from the stretch as he bottomed out with a low, throaty groan. Spencer was panting softly, his toes curled and his nails biting into Derek's flesh. He took a few deep breaths before he pushed down onto Derek's cock, letting out a choked cry when the head brushed against his prostate.

"I'm good, I'm good." He insisted, knowing fully well Derek was growing more and more anxious by the second. "It's okay, you can move." His voice was rough and low, the sound sending shivers down Derek's body. With another groan, Derek tilted his head upwards so he could capture Spencer's mouth in a heated kiss, his hands going to Spencer's jutting hipbones. Spencer returned the kiss zealously, moaning against Derek's lips as the older gripped his hips and began to move inside of him. Derek was making the same low, guttural sounds, his movements growing in speed as he regained his confidence.

"God, it's really tight." He commented in a soft whisper that ghosted over Spencer's lips. Spencer's heart began to beat harder and harder in his chest the more Derek emitted noise. The sounds he was making, they were making Spencer dizzy with arousal. And knowing they were because of him, that his body was the reason Derek was reacting so viscerally, gave Spencer such an incomparable high.

Spencer moved his body along with Derek's, meeting each of his thrusts as he ground his hips down. Derek's hands were roaming all over Spencer's body, touching anywhere he could reach. His fervent, eager hands finally settled on the sides of Spencer's face, his fingers tugging roughly on Spencer's hair. Spencer moaned, loud and breathy, pulling Derek's head down so he could give him a deep, searing kiss. Derek's hips had begun stuttering after some time and Spencer could tell he was close. Spencer was as well, Derek's quick, sharp movements pushing him towards the edge. He snuck his hand between their sweat slicked bodies and took his cock in his hand, quickly putting his hand to good work.

"You gonna come, baby?" Derek asked, emphasizing his question with a hard, deep thrust, pleased with Spencer's loud moan and enthusiastic nod. Neither of them reacted to the pet name with anything short of arousal. Spencer's hand, tight around his aching cock, was moving impossibly fast, the sheer pleasure of the dual sensations making him cry out. He wasn't even sure if he was either moaning, swearing, or yelling Derek's name, too far gone to even hear his own voice. He didn't miss to loud, satisfied grunt that Derek let out, though, his grip on Spencer's hair tightening as he thrusted up into Spencer just a few more times until he stilled completely, soft moans and pants tumbling out of his mouth. Spencer finished the moment Derek moaned out his name, shouting as his body began to tremble with the force of his release. Derek collapsed on top of him and buried his face in Spencer's neck, pressing idle kissing along his throat. He let his teeth scrape softly over his pulse point, grinning lazily at the spent whimper Spencer gave in response.

They stayed like that for some time, until Spencer was squirming underneath Derek, shoving his shoulder because, fuck, the man had to weigh at least 180 pounds and all that muscle was bearing down on his lungs. Derek got the hint and rolled over onto his side, sighing softly as he pulled out of Spencer. He made quick work of disposing the condom before he pulled Spencer close to his chest, engulfing him in the world's sweatiest, stickiest cuddle ever. Spencer had a wide, sated smile on his face as he snuggled into Derek's chest, his lips brushing across one of his pectorals.

"Was that satisfactory?" Spencer asked with a yawn. Derek laughed and squeezed Spencer tightly against his side, giving him an "mhm" before closing his eyes with a happy sigh. Spencer did the same, his eyelids heavy and drooping. His smile didn't fade even as he slowly drifted off into semi consciousness, his mouth hanging open and his cheek smushed against Derek's hard chest. Suddenly, though, he heard the faint sound of a phone ringing and whined when Derek shifted and gently rolled Spencer off of him. He pouted at Derek as he retrieved his phone from his pants pocket and answered with a sleepy, "Hello?"

Spencer watched as Derek's eyes widened and his grip on the phone tightened, immediately sitting up in the bed.

"What? What happened? What do you mean she- No. No, I'm coming down there right now." Derek abruptly ended the call, scurrying over the room to gather up his clothes.

"What's wrong?" Spencer asked before climbing out of the bed. Derek cursed as he pulled on his briefs, tossing Spencer an old T-shirt he could use to clean himself off.

"Ruby got in a fight. They wouldn't tell me what happened." He said tensely, stepping into his pants and quickly buttoning his shirt. Spencer did the same, watching Derek with wide, concerned eyes. When Derek was finally dressed, he ran out of the bedroom, not even waiting for Spencer, who was following close behind. He grabbed the keys off of the coffee table, impatiently holding the door for Spencer as he rushed towards the car. Derek slammed the door shut hard, grasping the steering wheel in a white knuckled grip.

"Hey. It's gonna be okay." Spencer said, timidly reaching out to place his hand over Derek's. Derek tensed for a moment, looking over to Spencer with wild eyes before he gave him a nod, releasing the steering wheel for a second so he could take Spencer's hand in his. Neither had time to analyze the gesture as they sped down the street towards Ruby's school, completely overcome by anxiety.


	7. My Heart Is The Worst Kind Of Weapon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It's our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless." L.R Knost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter deals with bullying and of course there's more internalized homophobia (what else is new). enjoy some more insight to ruby's character and new developments between our fave boyfriends!

Derek and Spencer bursted through the doors of Ruby's kindergarten in a whirlwind. They immediately demanded to see the principal, the woman at the reception desk trying but failing to get them to calm down and lower their voices.

"You need to just have a seat and stay calm. Trust that we are dealing with the situation." She told Derek, who was dangerously close to penetrating her personal bubble.

"If you were dealing with the situation I wouldn't be here! You can't even do your jobs and keep my child safe!" He spat at her. Spencer didn't dare to say anything, too anxious to even care how hostile Derek was being. They had been given zero information as to what had happened, their imaginations running rampant. They both feared the worst of the worst, knowing Ruby was hurt somewhere and unable to help her making them want to pull their hair out (Derek being the exception, but he would become seriously acquainted with Rogaine just to do so). Both of them perked up at the sound of a door opening, letting out two big sighs of relief when they saw what they assumed was the principal, with a tearful Ruby hiding behind her.

"Mr. Morgan-" The woman began, only to be ignored by Derek who rushed over to his daughter's side, dropping down onto his knees and pulling her into a tight hug.

"Are you hurt, baby? Are you okay?" He questioned adamantly, eyes and hands roaming over her little body to check for any damage. Tears started streaming down her face again and she refused to look at her father.

"Please don't be mad, I didn't mean to!" She yelled out, burying her face in Derek's shoulder and sobbing. Derek was shocked, his comforting hold on her tensing. He pulled away and kissed her forehead before rising to his feet, Spencer taking his place beside Ruby. She cuddled up to him immediately, peeking at her father as he hissed at the principal, "What the hell happened?"

The woman gave Derek and Spencer a tight lipped smile before wordlessly ushering them into her office. Spencer had to hoist Ruby up onto his hip to get her to move, and she was trying desperately to wiggle free. Whatever had happened, she sure was upset about it.

"Ruby here got into a little fight with one of her classmates and her older sister." The principal explained with a sigh. Spencer's eyes widened and Derek clenched his jaw.

"And where are these girls? Are they being punished?" He questioned, crossing his arms over his chest. He had to restrain himself from snapping at the woman when he heard her sigh once again in exasperation.

"No, Mr. Morgan. Your daughter was the instigator." She said, her voice tense and slightly nervous. Ruby emitted a loud whimper, clutching onto Spencer desperately. He looked down at the girl and frowned, trying to get her to sit down on one of the chairs next to Derek. Derek's eyes widened, flashing with something unreadable as he turned to face Ruby.

"Rue, tell me what happened. Please." He asked, reaching out and taking her little hand in his. She burst out into tears again, whimpering and sobbing as she stuttered out her explanation.

"I-I was making a picture during recess and Stacey came over and told me my picture was wrong, but it wasn't! I drew you and Spencer and me! But she said my mommy wasn't in it, but I don't have a mom, I didn't understand. She said everyone has a mom a-and that maybe mine left because she didn't like me. She said no one liked me, so I pushed her and she fell. I didn't meant to, I promise, poppa! B-But then she pulled my hair, she pulled it really hard and it hurt, so I-" Ruby looked down, not meeting Spencer or Derek's eyes. "I punched her in her mean face."

Derek stared at his daughter, wide-eyed and perplexed until he turned to the principal and let out a low growl. "And you're telling me this girl isn't in trouble for what she did? This is bullying, for Christ's sake! Ruby defended herself!" He snapped, giving Ruby's little hand a squeeze. Ruby was still sobbing, hunched over as Spencer rubbed her back softly.

"And the other girl?" Spencer asked, surprising the principal and snapping her out of her staring match with Derek. She looked at Spencer for a few seconds before she turned her eyes to the trembling little girl next to him.

"Ruby, would you like to tell your parents what happened with Nancy?" She asked, crossing her arms over her chest authoritatively. Spencer and Derek didn't have time to react to her slip-up, too focused on Ruby who was staring down at the floor.

"Nancy came over and yelled at me because Stacey started crying. She said I was jealous because Stacey was prettier and smarter than me, then she called me that mean word again. She pushed me off the bench and I hit my head." Ruby started, pausing to touch a small bump on the back of her head, and both Derek and Spencer saw red when she let out a small whimper in pain. "I kicked her, but then Mrs. Higgins came over and started yelling at me, in her really scary mean voice. Then they tattled on me." She said quietly. Spencer continued to rub her back even as Derek turned to her and took her face in his hands, sucking in a deep breath.

"Baby girl, I want you to know that what Stacey and Nancy said and did to you was very, very wrong. It wasn't nice to hurt them, but you were only protecting yourself. They should be in trouble, not you, kidlet." He told her sternly, punctuating his statement with a kiss to her forehead. "We're done here." He told the principal, raising up out of his seat with Ruby holding onto his hand.

"Sir, we need to discuss-" She began, but Spencer held his hand up and stunned her into silence before he took Ruby's other hand.

"I trust that you'll be speaking with these girls and asking them to apologize for their unacceptable behavior." Spencer said in his best passive aggressive tone. The principal snapped her mouth shut, looking at him with wide, bewildered eyes before the trio made their way out of the office.

"Rue, go get your backpack. Me and Spencer will be right here." Derek instructed to a still sniveling Ruby. She reluctantly let go of his and Spencer's hands, making her way towards her classroom. When she was out of their sight, Derek let out a loud sigh and collapsed down on one of the benches outside of the principal's office.

"I can't fucking believe this." He said through clenched teeth, angrily running his hands over his head. Spencer frowned sadly and reached over to touch Derek's shoulder, his other hand going to take Derek's, but Derek froze and looked at him with fear in his eyes.

"We can't do that here." He hissed, looking over his shoulder to see if anyone was watching. Even though no one was paying them any mind, Derek still pushed Spencer away from him. Spencer couldn't hide the hurt look on his face as he cocked his head to the side.

"But I thought you said we were-" He began, but Derek shushed him immediately, still looking around the room.

"I know what I said, but we can't be.. that, in public. I don't want people thinking I'm.." Derek wouldn't let himself finish the sentence. He winced when he saw Spencer's angry and hurt expression.

"That you're gay? Is being perceived as such really that huge of an insult to you?" Spencer fired back, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I can't let people think that! It's not-" Derek futilely tried to defend himself, but Spencer refused to look at him. Just then, they turned at the sound of Ruby's footsteps approaching, her backpack slung over her shoulder. She looked at the tense expressions on Spencer and Derek's faces with a frown, but decided not to say anything. She took both of their hands as she always did, conveniently ignoring how frightened her father looked as they made their way back to the car.

The whole car ride, Derek and Spencer doted on Ruby, not paying any mind to the other. They reassured and encouraged her, letting her rant and cry about the events that had transpired. She had really tuckered herself out by the end of the ride, half asleep in her carseat as they pulled up to the house. Derek wordlessly removed her from the car, holding her close to his chest as they all stepped inside. Ruby was barely conscious, her mouth hanging open and her eyes screwed shut. Derek smiled at her, giving her back a pat before he let her down, settling on his knees before her as he spoke.

"Baby, why don't you go lie down for a little nap, okay?" He asked of Ruby, smoothing a hand over her hair. She nodded slowly, leaning up and pressing a kiss to her father's lips. She turned on her heels and bounded up the stairs, leaving Spencer and Derek in a taut silence. Spencer began to wordlessly gather his things, fully intending on leaving before Derek strode over to him.

"Spence, wait." He pleaded, reaching for Spencer's hand. Spencer reluctantly lowered his bag, letting Derek take his hand. He looked at Derek with expectant eyes, then averted his gaze to the ground when he heard Derek sigh.

"I'm sorry that what I said came out as offensive. I didn't mean it that way." Derek apologized weakly. Spencer just scoffed and shook his head at the man, withdrawing from him and crossing his arms.

"I read you loud and clear, Derek." He said coldly. Derek looked at him, crestfallen, and let out another big sigh.

"Please, just- Can't you just let it go?" He asked hopefully, his face dropping as he watched Spencer throw up his hands in exasperation.

"No, I'm not going to let it go! I'm not going to be your side thing! You can't keep me in the closet with you! Understand there's nothing wrong with who you are and embrace it, or don't bother with this - us - anymore." Spencer spat. He knew the ultimatum was unfair, but he didn't want to be some sort of secret, like he was too embarrassing to show off. He wanted people to know what him and Derek shared, how they felt about one another, whatever those feelings were. He didn't want Derek to be ashamed of him and hated feeling like there was something wrong with him whenever he touched Derek in public. He never missed the petrified look in Derek's eyes when they walked hand in hand with Ruby, or when someone referred to them as her 'dads' or 'parents'. It unnerved Spencer that Derek thought so lowly of being interested in men that he'd do whatever it took to hide it from the public. If Spencer was going to do this, he needed Derek to be all in.

He stared down Derek for quite some time until the man dropped his head, looking down at the floor in silence. Spencer gave him a curt nod, mumbling, "I see." before reaching for his bag once again and heading towards the door.

"Stay." He heard Derek choke out. He narrowed his eyes and turned to look at the other man. Derek was peeking up at him timidly, fidgeting nervously as he looked into Spencer's eyes. "Please. I won't- We can- I'll do this. Please, just stay." He begged sheepishly. Spencer watched him, chewing on his lip in contemplation before he sighed and placed his bag on the ground. He walked over to Derek and took his face in his hands, resting his forehead against his.

"I won't be your dirty little secret, Derek. I can't." Spencer said, eyes closed as he breathed deeply. He felt Derek nod, his arms snaking around his waist.

"You- You're not going to be, okay? That's not what you are." Derek mumbled before leaning down and giving Spencer a chaste, lingering kiss.

"Will you stay the night?" He asked in a whisper against Spencer's lips. Spencer replied with a slow nod, dropping his head down into the crook of Derek's neck and leaving little kisses against the skin. Derek squeezed him tight to his body in response, let out a shaky sigh of relief.

The two then decided to pass the time by watching a movie on the couch, limbs intertwined with one another. They shared a few PG kisses throughout the film, mostly in silence save for Spencer's odd anecdote and several lame jokes from Derek that Spencer laughed at anyways. It was comfortable. It felt right. And when Ruby came down the stairs, sleepily rubbing at her eyes, both of their hearts swelled and they invited her to join their little love fest.

They watched two more movies after that, both Ruby and Spencer having begged Derek for popcorn halfway through the second one. At some point, Spencer and Derek had gotten into a heated argument about one of the voice actors in the movie ("No way was the voice of Winnie the Pooh the same as the Cheshire Cat and Kaa. There's no way, dude." "Derek, I will literally destroy you.") Soon enough, popcorn kernels were being chucked across the room and Ruby was being forced to play mediator to keep Derek and Spencer from physically harming one another. Derek chucked a kernel at Ruby, laughing hysterically when she crossed her arms and glared at him as it got stuck in one of the little puff balls her hair was pulled into. Then, it was two against one, Ruby and Spencer mercilessly pelting Derek with kernels as well as hitting him with pillows.

"Alright, alright! Uncle! I surrender! Oh, God, not the face!" Derek cried out dramatically with a giggle, watching Spencer and Ruby with a wide, lopsided smile. Spencer was sweaty, his hair stuck to his forehead, and Ruby was buzzing about a mile a minute. She hit him with the pillow once again, giggling hysterically, Spencer joining in when he saw Derek pout.

"Guys, c'mon." He pleaded. Spencer grinned and singsonged, "We won!" before high-fiving Ruby and rising to his feet. He offered his hand to Derek, who batted it away with a mumbled "traitor", opting to clamber to his feet on his own.

"Alright, little miss. It's late. Bath time." Derek said, shaking his head at Ruby when she whined and stomped her foot. "Hey, if you don't take a bath then Spencer can't sleep over. You'll be too smelly." He added for incentive, turning to Spencer and shooting him a wink. Spencer blushed at that but nodded, grinning encouragingly at Ruby. She looked between Derek and Spencer dubiously, crossing her little arms over her chest.

"You lied." She said to Derek in an accusatory voice. "You said grown-ups don't have sleepovers. But that lady slept over and now Spencer is sleeping over." She observed, her eyes narrowing. Spencer's blushed deepened and Derek sputtered, looking to Spencer for some sort of guidance but was met with a helpless shrug.

"Um- That's because, uh- Adults only have sleepovers when they like each other a lot or wanna do.. Grown-up stuff." Derek explained weakly. Ruby was not impressed.

"So.. You like Spencer? _And_ wanna do grown-up stuff together?" She questioned. Derek practically choked on the air, all while Spencer was trying to desperately reverse anthropomorphize into whatever animal that wouldn't have to deal with having a basic sex talk with a five year old.

"Yes. Go upstairs, we're having a bath time." Derek squawked out. Ruby wasn't entirely convinced, but she headed up the stairs regardless. Derek turned to Spencer and immediately burst into laughter with him.

"Oh, my God, you should've seen your face!" Derek exclaimed, clutching his side. Spencer howled and gave Derek's shoulder a push.

"Like you were any better, with your 'grownup stuff'! God, I could die." He said, muffling his giggles as he buried his face in Derek's neck. Derek continued to laugh softly with Spencer, his arms wrapping around his waist. When Spencer pulled his face away from the crook of Derek's neck, he was immediately met with Derek's lips on his. He let out a soft noise of surprise, but smiled into the kiss as he gladly returned it.

"So.. About that grownup stuff." Derek said with a shy grin. Spencer giggled once again and nodded before pulling away, dragging his finger down Derek's arm.

"I'm going to get ready for bed." He told Derek, looking over his shoulder with his lip pulled in between his teeth as he retreated up the stairs. Derek was following close behind, obviously eager to get bath time with Ruby done with. Spencer smirked slightly to himself, slipping into Derek's bedroom and plopping down on the edge of the bed with a happy sigh. He looked down at his hands for a few moments before rising to his feet and beginning to undress. He wasn't sure if it'd be weird if he just remained shirtless and just in his underwear, but it would've been equally as weird to rifle through Derek's things to find a pair of clothes he could sleep in. Though, God knows he was eager to see what other little secrets Derek had hidden around his room.

Spencer didn't have much time to entertain that thought before Derek came through the door, his sleeves and pant legs both slightly damp. When his eyes fell on Spencer, they went wide and drank him in with awe, his heart speeding up a bit. Spencer's whole body blushed under Derek's gaze, but that only seemed to intensify it more.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." Spencer said, attempting to sound coy but just barely managing to get the statement out with a squeak. Derek looked at Spencer's eyes, a grin slowly spreading over his face. Slowly, he began to strip himself of his own clothes until he was sporting the same attire as Spencer, who was watching him undress with hungry eyes. Derek climbed onto the bed next to Spencer, both hands going to his hips as he pulled him into a kiss. They fell back down on the bed, both grinning as they let their hands and lips explore whatever they could reach.

"Hey, Spence?" Derek said softly as Spencer's lips pressed against his throat, his tongue darting out as he gently sucked on the sensitive skin. He let out a quiet hum in response, hand sliding down Derek's side to rest just above the waistband of his briefs.

"I'm - ah - I'm a little tired. Rain check?" Derek asked timidly. Spencer immediately pulled back and looked at him with a smile, giving a small nod. He innocently pecked Derek on the lips before he yawned softly.

"'M big spoon." He said determinedly, trying to coax Derek onto his other side so he could curl up behind him. He heard Derek snort and he glared at him.

"Dude, I'm like sixty pounds heavier than you are." Derek replied incredulously.

"Don't care. Little spoon." Spencer insisted sleepily, giving Derek another shove. Derek reluctantly complied, flipping himself over so his back was pressed against Spencer's front. He ever so subtly pushed back into the warm body behind him, taking Spencer's hand in his when he slung his arm over Derek's side.

"I could crush you." Derek mumbled sleepily. Spencer pressed a few chaste kisses to his neck and shoulders and grinned.

"Goodnight, little spoon." He murmured, rubbing his thumb over Derek's knuckles.

"Goodnight, nerd."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Grown ups are complicated creatures, full of quirks and secrets." Roald Dahl


	8. Anything, Anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered." F. Scott Fitzgerald

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for explicit sexual content (ehehehe) and slight allusions to derek's past abuse. probably the most lighthearted chapter so far. sorry it's so late :'( i hope you enjoy it!

Spooning with a guy has its perks. Having a warm, solid, strong body pressed against you, with muscular arms around your midsection? That's always nice. The cons? Waking up to a dick pressed against your leg.

Sometime during the night Spencer and Derek had shifted positions. Derek was now halfway on top of Spencer, his left leg in between Spencer's thighs and the other stretched out on the other side of the bed. His head was against Spencer's chest and he was so totally not drooling contently, with his arm strewn across Spencer's stomach. One of Spencer's arms was embracing Derek tightly to his body, the other resting on top of Derek's on his stomach. He was semi conscious, barely lucid as he happily shifted underneath the warm, heavy weight on top of him, only to freeze when he felt Derek's dick rubbing against his thigh. He laid completely still, contemplating his options. On one hand, he totally shouldn't press his thigh up against Derek's cock, letting him sleepily rut against him. But on the other hand, Derek looked so peaceful and.. Cute. Spencer didn't want to just joust him awake like, "Hey, sorry to bother you, but your dick is stabbing me in my femoral artery."

Spencer laid still underneath Derek for some time until he sighed, biting the bullet as he gave Derek a gentle shove to his shoulder. When the sleeping man hardly twitched at the touch, Spencer sighed and shook him harder, calling out his name. It took him a few minutes, but Derek's eyes finally shot open and he looked around, confused by his surroundings and the body beneath him as he asked, "Wha?"

Spencer laughed quietly, looking down at Derek and tilting his chin up. "You're um.. You're kinda.. Y'know. And it's, uh, against my leg." He said with an awkward cough. Derek's eyes widened as he subtly pressed his hips down against Spencer's leg and immediately began to pull back as he adamantly apologized.

"Wait, no. It's okay, I just.. Kinda felt weird. But we could still..?" Spencer alluded vaguely. Derek looked at him with bleary but intrigued eyes before he nodded slowly, sliding his hand down to Spencer's hip.

"Can I-", Derek began as he cleared his throat. "Can I try something with you?" He asked hesitantly and Spencer sighed but smiled nonetheless. He wished Derek could let go of some of his reserves when it came to them, but they were still taking baby steps. He nodded, sliding out from underneath Derek to lay on his side. He didn't miss the soft whimper Derek let out when Spencer 'accidentally' pressed his knee gently against his dick. He grinned slyly and looked to Derek expectantly.

"I wanted to return the favor." Derek said, sighing in frustration when Spencer's eyes narrowed in confusion. "You know. Yesterday. When you.. Did that thing." He made a vague gesture with his hand only to smack himself in the face with a groan as Spencer still didn't catch on.

"When you went down on me and I almost came in your mouth after five minutes." Derek blurted out, his cheeks reddening as Spencer's did the same. Spencer looked at Derek, his eyes dubious but thoroughly intrigued.

"You.. Want to give me oral sex?" He sought confirmation with a tilt of the head. Derek groaned once again and hid his face in one of the pillows.

"Why do you have to say it like that?" He grumbled, only groaning louder when Spencer gave a short lived chuckle.

"How else am I supposed to say it? We're both aware that I'm not very well-versed in English slang." He said teasingly. Derek peeked out from under the pillow, a shy grin evident on his face.

"Well.. Can I?" He asked again, watching with hopeful eyes as Spencer's tongue darted out to lick his lips and he gave a slow nod.

"Only if you want to, though. And I mean, want to want to. Not want to because you feel obligated. I.. Enjoyed 'going down on you'." Spencer confessed. Derek's eyes widened a bit at that, but it didn't seem to deter him.

"I want to. You just.. You gotta show me how. I mean, I know _how_ , I just.. Don't know how to make it good." Derek huffed as he looked back up at Spencer, who was staring at him intently. No one had ever really asked to go down on him. It was just something that happened as foreplay, though rarely. He could probably count the times it'd actually happened on one hand. That made him feel a little pathetic, but also giddy. Here he was, half naked in bed with the gorgeous love child of Denzel Washington and George Clooney, and said love child was actually asking if he could get his mouth on Spencer's dick, actually looking forward to it. The simple action did wonders for Spencer's confidence, making him feel quite desirable, a feeling he didn't know too well.

"Okay." Spencer answered concisely. Derek nibbled on his bottom lip before maneuvering himself between Spencer's legs, hands going to his hips. He stared down at the front of Spencer's underwear for a short while before looking up at the man as to ask permission. Spencer gave him an encouraging nod, and Derek slowly hooked his fingers under the waistband of his underwear. He kept his eyes fixed on Spencer as he slowly tugged the article of clothing down until they were around Spencer's knees, when Spencer promptly used his feet to gracelessly kick them the rest of the way off, blushing slightly as he spread his legs to accommodate Derek.

"You can start by just touching me. Getting a feel for the whole thing." He said to Derek with an embarrassed squeak. Derek nodded and began to rub his palms over Spencer's stomach, hips, and thighs, kneading his fingers gently into the soft skin. He was still staring awkwardly at Spencer's cock, unsure of what was appropriate to do.

"It's not going to bite." Spencer teased with a lighthearted smile. Derek glared at him but Spencer could see a shy smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He reached down to place his hand on Derek's shoulder blade, massaging the muscle with his thumb and encouraged Derek as he said, "It's okay."

Spencer watched as Derek took a deep breath and, with his opposite hand on Spencer's hip, tentatively ran his palm over Spencer's half hard length. Spencer leaned desperately into the touch, his movements hindered by Derek's steady hand on his hip.

"So, should I just start jerking you off or..?" Derek asked bluntly, not meeting Spencer's eyes as he continued to rub the heel of his hand against Spencer's length. He earned a nod from Spencer, who was still massaging Derek's shoulder in encouragement. Derek bit his lip determinedly and wrapped his hand around Spencer's cock - he seemed to marvel at the feel of it, just staring down at it as the head peeked out of his grip. He jerked his hand lazily, looking up at Spencer every so often to gauge his reaction. He was giving Derek quiet, happy moans, his nails just slightly digging into Derek's skin.

"If you wanna - ah - start using your, um.. mouth, you can." Spencer suggested shyly. Derek looked at him, his mouth suddenly feeling dry as he licked his lips and nodded.

"Should I just.. Lick it?" Derek asked in a quaint voice. Spencer sputtered slightly, then looked down and said, his voice rough, "Yeah. Yes. Do it slowly." He watched as Derek shivered, feeling a surge of pride course through him. He'd never felt so.. In control. That wasn't something he was used to. He didn't stand out, always just blended into the crowd. He wasn't an alpha male, not like Derek. At least, not like how he thought Derek was. The way he was looking at Spencer, eyes hungry and dark, it seemed like he was really getting into the whole teacher thing. It was almost as if he liked being submissive to Spencer.

Spencer's whole train of thought abruptly stopped as he felt Derek's tongue run up his length, tantalizingly slow. He let his head fall back with a soft groan, his free hand going to the back of Derek's neck. Derek looked up with wide eyes and jerked away from the touch, his breathing quickening.

"Don't do that. Please." He asked through clenched teeth. Spencer immediately removed his hand, apologizing profusely. "Sorry, I'm sorry. Where would you like me to, uh, put my hands?"

Derek trailed his finger over the back of Spencer's hand before taking it and placing it on his shoulder, shyly saying, "I liked them there." Spencer smiled softly and nodded, continuing to gently knead the hard muscle underneath his palms. Derek visibly relaxed under the touch, then cleared his throat.

"And now? Just take you in my mouth?" He asked, seeming to begin to grow more comfortable with the situation. Spencer licked his lips absentmindedly before nodding at Derek.

"Yeah. Don't, um, don't strain yourself, though. You can just.. Put the head in your mouth. You don't have to take me all the way." He instructed Derek, who took in a deep breath, looking at Spencer for permission. Spencer didn't want to admit how much that made him flush with arousal. He gave Derek a sharp, encouraging nod and Derek promptly wet his lips, swiping his tongue along Spencer's head before he wrapped his lips around it. He swirled his tongue along the tip, gently applying suction and Spencer's breath hitched in his throat. He gripped Derek's shoulder tightly, emitting soft, encouraging moans. Derek pulled off with a pop, only to spit into his palm crudely so he could work the rest of Spencer with his hand. He had a look of pure concentration and determination on his face, eyebrows pulled together as he wrapped his lips around Spencer's cock once again. This time, though, he took Spencer just a little bit further, about an inch down.

Spencer marveled at the sight of Derek's lips stretched around him. He didn't really think he was all that impressive when it came to size. He figured he was average, if not slightly above. His girth wasn't anything special, either, but watching as Derek opened his mouth wider and wider to accommodate him sent shivers down his spine.

"That's- That's it. Yeah, just like that. Press your tongue against th- Shit!" Spencer groaned and dug his nails into Derek's shoulders as Derek adamantly flicked his tongue over Spencer's head, slowly bobbing up and down along Spencer's length in time with his hand.

"That's good. God, that's really good." Spencer encouraged, rubbing his palms up and down Derek's back and shoulders. Derek keened under Spencer's touch, letting out a low moan, the vibrations making Spencer's legs tremble as he pant softly and chanced a look down at Derek. He was not disappointed when he was met with Derek's hungry, heavy-lidded eyes. His lips were red, shiny and spit slicked, and Spencer whined low in throat, relishing in how gorgeous he looked. He didn't even have time to think before he told Derek, "Fuck, you're beautiful."

Derek moaned once again, eagerly trying to fit more of Spencer in his mouth, but Spencer stopped him with a firm grip on his shoulder and told him, "It's okay, Derek, you're doing fine. I'm- I'm already close." Derek's eyes widened a little before they fluttered shut and he began bobbing his head faster, his hand quickening as well. He was moaning softly in unison with Spencer's choked out groans, both trying to keep their noise to a minimum as to not wake the sleeping girl down the hall. But Spencer was losing the last bits of his self restraint, and when Derek popped off, only to look up at Spencer with those big, lustful brown eyes before diving right back in, Spencer couldn't help the long, throaty groan he let out. He immediately covered his mouth with his hand, panting and gasping through his fingers. He was scratching desperately at Derek's shoulder with his other hand, jerking his hips up into the tight, wet heat, only to be held down by Derek's strong, calloused hands.

"Derek, I'm - fuck, I'm gonna-" Spencer rasped out, hands pushing against Derek's shoulders to get him to pull away. He reluctantly complied and looked up at Spencer expectantly, thumbs rubbing his hip bones encouragingly. Spencer cursed under his breath, his hand moving eagerly to wrap around his cock. With his eyes staring unblinkingly down at Derek, Spencer gave himself a few quick tugs before he spilled all over his stomach. His chest rose and fell rapidly, his hands and thighs trembling. Exhaling sharply, he closed his eyes for a moment, leaning his head against the headboard before he looked back down at Derek.

"Did I do okay?" Derek asked with a timid smile. Spencer scoffed at him, leaning forward to tug Derek up by his shoulders. He grabbed the back of Derek's neck and pulled him into an unexpected kiss. Derek gasped, his lips parting just enough so that Spencer could slip his tongue inside his mouth. He chased down the taste of himself on Derek's tongue, moaning softly as he pulled back, giving Derek one last peck on the lips before retreating entirely.

"Does that answer your question?" Spencer asked with a raised eyebrow. Derek snorted, crawling up the bed until he was laying by Spencer's side.

"Lay back, I'll take care of you now." Spencer said, a small smirk on his lips. He started to situate himself between Derek's legs, but Derek stopped him.

"No, you don't- You can just-" Derek said inarticulately. Spencer looked at him, his brow furrowed, and Derek sighed.

"Can you just, um.. Watch me do it? And.. I don't know, talk to me? Like, dirty?" Derek asked feebly. Spencer looked at Derek, slightly taken back as he asked, "Dirty?"

Derek chuckled lowly at that, but his cheeks were still flushed, and his eyes darted around the room nervously. "Yeah, just.. Say what comes to mind. I like your voice." He admitted in a quiet mumble. Spencer looked at him incredulously but still nodded his approval nonetheless. Derek flashed him a quick grin before he was slipping off his underwear and eagerly straddling Spencer's thighs, who marveled at the sight of him while he ran his hands up and down Derek's thighs.

"Go ahead." He urged, grinning up at Derek, who took a deep breath before letting out a big gust of air, sliding his hands down his body. His fingers brushed against Spencer's as he reached for his cock, then felt Spencer's hand wrap around his wrist to stop him. Spencer wordlessly brought Derek's hand to his mouth and ran his tongue along his palm, sucking his middle finger into his mouth for good measure. He was trying out the whole 'devious sex kitten' look, but he just felt like a chubby kid trying to eagerly suck down a rapidly melting ice pop. Derek, on the other hand, seemed to think just the opposite, if the loud, surprised moan he let out was any indication. Spencer's whole body was flushed with embarrassment, but he still managed to grin at Derek, who kept his eyes transfixed on Spencer as he wrapped his hand around his cock.

"Does that feel good?" Spencer asked hesitantly. He had zero experience with 'dirty talking'. He barely even made noise with his partners- he just never trusted someone enough to let go like that. And he never saw the point in dirty talk, either. He thought it was just something that went on in porn or that Fifty Shades of Grey shit. He had no idea what was appropriate to say. Although, he figured his words sufficed as Derek nodded in confirmation quickly, beginning to move his hand along his shaft.

"You- You're hard already. Did sucking me turn you on?" Spencer said, immediately biting down on his lip, trying to just suck the words back into his mouth. He felt so stupid and embarrassed, but at the same time he also felt heat beginning to pool low in his stomach.

"You were really good. You made me feel so good, Derek." Spencer tried to affirm with his hands on Derek's toned thighs. Derek leaned into the touch and groaned, his free hand going to cover his mouth as he quickened his pace.

"You looked really good, too. You were really- You looked gorgeous." Spencer didn't even really think his words were 'dirty'. To him, they were simply truth. The sight of Derek between his thighs, those plump lips wrapped around his cock, that really got Spencer going. He had no idea why a man as breathtakingly sexy as Derek would want to be with him sexually, let alone be so adamant about it, but Derek seemed eager to please Spencer and his enthusiastic ministrations made Spencer's ego inflate rapidly.

"You look perfect now. I can't wait to see you come." Spencer said, his voice surprisingly gruff. He was blushing head to toe at the sound of his own voice and in utter disbelief that it was actually him talking. It all felt so surreal to him.

"Shit, Spencer." Derek's voice came from above Spencer, snapping him out of his trance. He watched as Derek's fist moved rapidly along his length, and didn't miss when it began to stutter.

"Are you close, Derek?" Spencer asked as he absentmindedly massaged the skin of Derek's inner thighs with his thumbs. Derek threw his head back and whimpered, his eyes screwing shut.

"Tell me." Spencer said, shocked at his own demand. What shocked him even more, though, was Derek's respond.

"I'm close, baby, I'm close." Derek said breathlessly. He placed his free hand on Spencer's chest, fingers brushing over his nipple. With a happy sigh, Spencer ran his hands along Derek's body, admiring every inch of his hard, dark skin. Derek threw his head back, jerking himself a few more times until he ran his thumb of the head of his cock and gasped.

"Fuck, fuck, Spencer, I'm coming, shit, I'm-" Derek cut himself off with a long moan, the sound muffled as he pressed his lips together in a hard line, and came all over Spencer's stomach and chest, some of it landing on his chin. He continued to stroke himself lazily, his thighs shaking as he rode out his orgasm, with Spencer watching, his eyes awestruck as he licked his lips hungrily. As he panted, trying to catch his breath, Derek tilted his head down to Spencer to just in time see him swipe his thumb across his chin to gather Derek's come, hesitantly sucking it clean. He scrunched his nose up at the taste, but it was worth it when he heard the spent whimper Derek let out.

"Good?" Spencer asked, trailing his hands down Derek's sides. He giggled softly when Derek adamantly nodded his head.

"Good." Spencer stated simply before pulling Derek down for a slow, gentle kiss. He felt Derek smile into the kiss and he gladly mirrored it, linking his fingers behind Derek's neck before he pulled away.

"Can I, uh- Can I have a towel?" He asked timidly, looking down at the sticky nightmare on his chest and stomach. Derek's eyes widened with realization and he quickly climbed off the bed.

"Shit, yeah, sorry." Derek stuttered out. His legs were a little wobbly as he placed his feet on the floor and he quickly grabbed his briefs from the floor, stepping into them clumsily. He peeked his head out of the bedroom door, looking down both ends of the hallway before quickly tiptoeing to the bathroom. When he didn't hear any sound come from Ruby's room, he thanked whoever was listening and ran the water. He took one of the washcloths and dampened it with the warm water, wringing it out before he stepped out of the bathroom, then stopped dead in his tracks.

"Poppa?" A sleepy Ruby asked, bleary eyed as she held Pierre the Bear close to her chest. Derek looked at her nervously, eyes darting to his bedroom door.

"Uh- Good morning, baby. Why are you awake so early?" He asked. Ruby frowned at him and shot him a look.

"I heard noises." And that's when Derek nearly ran to the bathroom to drown himself. He stared down at his daughter, stunned into silence, when Spencer's voice came from the bedroom.

"Derek, what are you doing?" He called, earning Derek a strange look from Ruby.

"You had the sleepover in your room? Doesn't Spencer need his own bed?" She asked innocently. Derek gaped at her like a fish, cursing quietly when he saw Spencer approach the hallway through the crack in the bedroom door.

"Well, _Ruby_ , Spencer wanted to _stay in my bedroom_ because sometimes he um- he gets scared to sleep alone. Like you do sometimes. So, we.. Shared the bed." Derek offered lamely, praying Spencer picked up on his Spy Kid esqúe code. His answered seemed to suffice to Ruby, who nodded her understanding.

"Oh. Okay. I think Nancy's babysitter gets scared to sleep alone, too. Nancy says her mom's always yelling at her poppa because Miss Taylor likes to sleep in her poppa's bed. Can we have waffles?" Ruby asked nonchalantly. Derek stared at her with wide eyes and tried desperately not to laugh at her childlike bluntness.

"Yeah, baby, we can have waffles." He said as he stifled his chuckle, asking Ruby, "Go ahead and wait in your room. Play with Pierre. We'll be ready in a minute." Ruby gave him a curt nod, and Derek couldn't help but grin down at her as her protective braids fell in her face. He brushed them out of the way and leaned down to give her a kiss on her head, then patted her butt as she trekked back to her bedroom, mumbling something to Pierre. Derek exhaled sharply once she was in the comfort of her own bedroom, then promptly rushed into his own.

"Does she know anything?" Spencer asked nervously, sitting up on the bed. He made a face at the mess on his body, looking to Derek and reaching for the damp cloth.

"Just that Nancy's dad is screwing the babysitter." Derek said with a chuckle, tossing the washcloth to Spencer, who tilted his head to the side curiously as he wiped himself off. Derek simply shook his head, huffing out another laugh as he plopped back down on the bed.

"Man, this is why I never get laid." He said, his exasperated tone making Spencer chuckle softly.

"What about that woman?" He asked, feigning jealously. Derek rolled his eyes and draped his arm over Spencer's shoulders.

"Jordan? I didn't sleep with her. She came over, we drank, we made out, I ate her out, then Ruby came in to ask me to watch Mulan." Derek huffed, then mumbled, "Just about ready to get the cuffs out, too." Spencer's eyes widened at that and he blushed, looking at Derek, obviously intrigued. Derek's face flushed as well and he cleared his throat before offering an explanation.

"I um- They're.. They're for me?" He elaborated weakly. Spencer was still staring at him in confusion and Derek let out a hefty sigh.

"I mean, I'm the one who gets.. Cuffed." Derek admitted in a barely audible whisper, obviously embarrassed. Spencer blinked at him owlishly, unsure of how to process that information. The picture in his head was so vivid - Derek, handcuffed to the headboard, unable to move, his partner free to do whatever they wanted to him. Jesus, if Spencer wasn't so spent from their earlier escapades he'd be fit to just pounce on Derek right then and there.

"I guess I can see the appeal." Spencer admitted, clearing his throat before continuing, "I mean, all paraphilias are rooted in psychology. Bondage can make an individual feel safe. Relinquishing control consensually can, paradoxically, make a person feel in control. I understand it." Derek watched Spencer as the words tumbled out of his mouth with an unreadable expression. His eyes were sad and faraway, and Spencer frowned at that.

"Hey? Are you okay?" Spencer asked worriedly, placing his hand on Derek's arm. Derek's eyes flickered to Spencer, that crestfallen face now erupting with a smile.

"Yeah. Yeah, I am." He told Spencer before he took his hand in his, linking their fingers before kissing Spencer's knuckles. "You ready for waffles?" He asked with a quiet chuckle, leaning in and giving Spencer a quick kiss to his lips. Spencer grinned in response and climbed out of the bed excitedly.

"Boy, am I ever." He said with a wide toothy smile that made Derek's heart melt. The latter laughed at Spencer's eagerness and wrapped his arm around Spencer's waist, pulling him close to his side with a happy sigh. And if they held hands at the breakfast table, Ruby didn't seem to mind one bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "To have him here in bed with me, breathing on me, his hair in my mouth—I count that something of a miracle." Henry Miller


	9. Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The mistake is thinking that there can be an antidote to the uncertainty." David Leviathan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit's about to hit the fan, y'all. i hope you're ready (it's ok if you're not. i'm not either)

The first time Derek called Spencer his boyfriend, Spencer felt his heart flutter, a surge of pride coursing through his body. He just wished it was under better circumstances.

He was playing a board game with Ruby one Saturday afternoon and was getting absolutely annihilated by her. She had a look of pure concentration on her face while she moved her piece, her lips curling into a devious grin each time she said to Spencer, "Your turn." And, despite Candy Land obviously being a game of chance, she continued to kick his ass until she won for the third time with a triumphant hoot. Spencer laughed at her, pulling her into his lap to tickle her sides.

"Who's winning now, huh?" He teased, relentlessly running his fingers along her little squirming body. She was squealing and laughing hysterically, desperately trying to squeeze out of Spencer's grip.

"Me! Me! I win, you lose!" Ruby taunted, only to be cut off by another loud squeal as Spencer tickled her under her ribs. He was just about to get her under her arms when he heard the doorbell ring.

"Okay, you win this time. I'll get you back, though." He told Ruby in a stern voice before winking at her and letting her clamber to her feet. She ran off somewhere to do God knows what as Spencer head over to the door. Derek's place had pretty much become his own, since he was there more often than he was his own apartment. He walked around like he owned the place half the time, because he kind of did. He approached the door without peering into the peephole, swinging it open with a polite smile plastered on his face. Before him was an older couple who seemed rather anxious to be there, their eyes darting around nervously.

"Hi, can I help you?" Spencer asked curiously, snapping the couples' eyes to him. They both seemed slightly taken back by the sight of him if their furrowed brows were any indication.

"Does Derek Morgan live here?" The woman inquired, trying to get a peek inside.

"Oh, yeah, he's just in the shower." Spencer replied, jerking his thumb over his shoulder for emphasis. The woman frowned at that, but didn't say anything, nor did the man beside her, so Spencer took the initiative to continue the conversation, "Can I, uh, ask who you are?" The woman opened her mouth to respond, but Derek's voice from upstairs cut her off.

"Baby, you seen my blue shirt? I can't find it anywhere." He asked Spencer nonchalantly, hopping down the stairs in just his jeans. Spencer blushed a bright crimson when he turned to look at Derek, shooting an apologetic smile to the couple at the door. Derek shot Spencer a strange look in response as he made his way towards him, asking, "Who's at the door?" He soon got his answer when he slid up behind Spencer, placing his hand on his lower back. He immediately blushed, shifting his weight awkwardly on his feet as he looked down at his bare chest then up at the couple.

"Mr. Hayes. Mrs. Hayes." He said quietly. "I thought you were going to be in Tahiti for another two weeks?" Derek was nervously chewing on his lower lip, shooting sly glances at Spencer every few seconds. It was obvious Derek knew the pair, but how, Spencer wondered? He watched the three of them interact with intent eyes.

"There were storm warnings so we came home early. Who is this?" The woman, Mrs. Hayes, summed up concisely, not wasting any time as to get the answers she wanted. She was looking at Spencer with distaste, scrutinizing every inch of him with a scowl. Spencer was just about to offer up the 'babysitter' line he'd grown all too accustom to over the months when Derek spoke up before he could get a chance.

"Spencer." He told the woman, looking over to the other man with trepidation before slipping his arm around his waste. "My boyfriend."

With the look Mrs. Hayes shot Spencer, you'd think he had insulted her great ancestors. She looked so utterly offended and revolted by Derek's revelation. She stared at the pair in silence, the disgust apparent on her face, when her husband decided to say what was on her mind.

"You've got to be kiddin' me." His gruff voice said as he stared Derek down. He was a few inches shorter than the younger man, but was packing the same amount of muscle, and that thought made Spencer slightly nervous.

"Is this your idea of a joke, Derek? This is not funny." Mrs. Hayes spoke up, narrowing her eyes as Spencer, who watched as Derek clenched his jaw.

"No, Theresa. Me and Spencer are in a relationship." Derek said before giving Spencer's a protective squeeze. Mrs. Hayes continued to stare at the couple in utter disbelief, while her husband became visibly angry.

"This is ridiculous. First you knock up my daughter, then mar her memory so you can sleep with another man? I always knew there was somethin' wrong with you. You were always off." He spat as Derek, pushing an accusatory finger into his chest. Derek instinctively stepped in front of Spencer as he sized up the older man. The cold look in the man's eyes made Spencer feel a nostalgic sense of panic.

"How could you do this to Ruby?" Theresa asked, her voice tearful and strained. Spencer looked down at her to see her eyes were watering and he gulped helplessly, eyes shooting to Derek for some kind of support.

"She's needs her- she needs a mother. Not.. This." Theresa continued with a wild gesture to Spencer and Derek, before Derek began to say, "Theresa, it's not-"

"Grandma!" Yelled an excited Ruby, rushing to the door and throwing her arms around Theresa. She looked over to her grandfather with a shy smile, then told him hesitantly, "Hi, grandpa." Spencer watched Ruby and him interact, anxiety stirring in his stomach as he caught wind of Ruby's lack of enthusiasm towards the man. He barely regarded her, choosing to continue staring at Derek.

"She's comin' home with us." He said, the topic clearly not up for discussion. But that didn't deter Derek.

"No. She's _my_ daughter and she's staying here with me and Spencer." He replied in a harsh whisper as to not worry Ruby, who was watching them with wary eyes.

" _Your_ daughter? You didn't even want her in the first place!" The man barked in response. His wife looked at him with wide, fearful eyes as she scolded, "Michael!" He turned to look at her with a grimace, and Spencer didn't miss the way she flinched at the sight.

"Stop yelling! I don't like mad voices! You're making my ears sad!" Ruby cried, her hands shooting up to cover her ears. Michael turned that hardened expression to Ruby, his eyes flashing with something violent, and Spencer immediately put his hand on her shoulder and pushed her behind him, hearing Derek growl lowly in his throat. Ruby hid her face in Spencer's shirt while she wrapped her arms around his leg, peeking up at her grandparents with frightened eyes.

"Ruby, it's okay. No one's mad. Right?" Spencer said as he rubbed her back affectionately. He glared coldly at Michael, keeping his chin up and his shoulders squared, as something about the man made his stomach do backflips.

"No, honey, we're not mad." Theresa told her granddaughter with a tight lipped smile. "Would you like to sleep over grandma and grandpa's house? Mr. Socks misses his friend." She said in a kind voice, but neither man missed the fear in her tone as well. Ruby looked to Spencer, then her father, before she nodded and released her hold on Spencer's leg, striding over to her grandmother and taking her hand.

"Will you come upstairs with me to get Pierre?" She asked quietly as she fidgeted. Theresa gave her a nod and followed her upstairs, leaving Derek, Spencer, and Michael to their own devices.

"This isn't good for her. She needs a real father. You need'a man up, get over this shit." Michael said with an indignant shake of the head. Derek scoffed at him, crossing his arms over his bare chest before he said, "Like you know anything about being a father." Michael's eyes widened as he stepped closer towards Derek.

"You watch your tone with me, boy." He threatened. The edge to his voice set warning bells off in Spencer's head, and he wiggled himself in between Derek and Michael.

"This needs to stop. Right now." He said sternly, but Michael just laughed at him.

"Your girlfriend here your little body guard? I could snap you like a twig, son." Michael sneered at Spencer, who refused to back down, much to Derek's dismay.

"Lay your hands on me or anyone else in this room and I will end you." He told Michael calmly. Both his and Derek's eyes widened, the latter grabbing Spencer by the wrist as he whispered, "Spencer, don't." Spencer disregarded him but backed down, stepping back a few feet, not once breaking eye contact with the older man. The tension in the air was palpable, tangible to the point in which Spencer felt like it was choking him. He was in a tunnel as he stared Michael down, everything around him moving in slow motion while he watched the man like a hawk. Every little twitch set Spencer on edge, yelling at him 'protect, protect, protect'. He was so ridden with anxiety and dread that he barely noticed Ruby and Theresa making their re-entrance.

"Ruby, say goodbye to your father." Theresa instructed, pushing her towards Derek. Ruby looked up at him intently, her big brown eyes sad and faraway as she gave him a tight hug and said, "Bye, poppa. I'll miss you." Derek squeezed her a little too tight in response, all the while biting down on his trembling lower lip.

"I love you, baby. Poppa loves you so, so much." He professed adamantly, pressing kisses to her head repeatedly. "You be good. I'll see you soon." He promised as he took her round face in his hands, thumbs caressing her cheekbones with a sad smile. Ruby smiled back at him and gave him a sharp nod before she turned to Spencer. She gave him a hug as well, and Spencer smoothed his hand over her hair several times, only then noticing they were shaking.

"Bye, Spencer." She said, those sad eyes staring into his. "Can I have a kiss goodbye?" She asked with a soft, hopeful smile that was soon wiped off her face the moment Michael heard the words tumble out of her mouth.

"No. We're leavin' now." He said stiffly, grabbing her arm and jerking her roughly towards him. She stumbled a bit and looked at Michael with tears in her eyes, although she didn't dare to say anything. Derek looked ready to protest, but the words just never seemed to come out.

"Let's go, Theresa." Michael demanded impatiently. She immediately turned to him and nodded, following him towards the door.

"I will be praying for you. Both of you." Theresa said quietly to Derek and Spencer, the disgust previously on her face morphing into pity. The door slammed behind the trio abruptly, and Derek and Spencer stood there staring at it in utter disbelief. Derek was the first to move, taking a few deep, but shaky, breaths in as he began to pace the living room anxiously. Spencer watched him with his mouth slightly agape, not sure of what to even say. What the hell had just happened? Apprehensively, Spencer took a step forward towards Derek and reached for his shoulder to steady him. "Derek." He said softly, only to garner no response from the other man.

"Derek, stop." Spencer repeated, placing himself in front of Derek while he put both his hands on his shoulders. Derek looked ready to shove Spencer out of the way, but something changes in his eyes, something broken taking place where the anger had once been. With a gulp, Spencer slid his hand up to cup Derek's cheek as he looked directly at him.

"It'll be fine." Spencer told him. Robotically, Derek nodded, closing his eyes with a wavering sigh before he echoed in a hollow whisper, "It'll be fine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly." F. Scott Fitzgerald


	10. Dream A Little Dream Of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man." Patrick Rothfuss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for mention of derek's sexual abuse, and pretty graphic depictions of domestic violence and child abuse. it's ok if u cry. i won't mind.

It wasn't fine. The first night, Derek didn't sleep a single minute. Every few hours he'd get up out of the bed and wordlessly go to Ruby's room, just staring. Spencer didn't sleep at all, either, too busy staying with Derek the whole night. For hours, they sat in silence, Derek's head against Spencer's chest as they mindlessly stared out of the window. Neither of them could tell if they were relieved by the fact that they didn't have work the next morning or if they were dreading the impending lull in the day to follow. The second night was even worse than before.  
  
Spencer was all too familiar with nightmares. His whole life he'd been plagued by them. He'd learned to try and dissociate from the panic they create in him, though, and he hasn't had one in quite a while. But, although he knew the telltale signs of one, he'd never actually seen another person have one until he woke up to the sound of his boyfriend thrashing and whimpering.

In the several months of them sleeping together, Spencer had never seen Derek in such a state of mental duress. He was absolutely terrified of something haunting his mind, and it physically pained Spencer to see him so upset. He immediately sat up and grabbed Derek's shoulder, calling out his name until Derek's eyes shot open and he surged forward, looking to Spencer with a look of pure terror. He jumped off the bed so quickly he fell back onto his ass on the ground, then scurried back against the wall, holding his knees to his chest as he hyperventilated. Spencer was astonished, unsure of what to do or even say. He stood and reached out to comfort Derek once again, but all he did was scream at him.

"No! Don't fucking touch me, get your hands off of me!" He cried out as he placed his head between his knees, trying desperately to make himself feel small and invisible. Spencer was instantly taken back and he stared at Derek with wide, concerned eyes.

"Derek, it's me. It's okay, you're here with me." He affirmed with trepidation, slowly but surely inching closer to Derek with his hands held up as to not frighten Derek with the implication of touching him.

"You're right here. It's just you and me. We're in your bedroom, together. It's okay." Spencer continued in a soft, soothing voice, although it wavered as he heard Derek whimper softly.

"I'm going to sit down next to you now, okay? I'm not going to touch you." He said as he approached Derek cautiously. When Derek didn't object, he slowly slid down the wall and plopped onto the floor next to Derek, a good foot and a half away from him. He noticed Derek's breathing had slowed a little bit and Spencer let out a deep breath he didn't know he was holding.

"It's alright, Derek, you're okay. Deep breaths, okay? Deep breaths." Spencer urged on, keeping his hands clenched at his side. Being with Derek, he had grown used to using touch as a means of comforting. Spencer used to hate being touched and could never understand how anyone could find solace in it, but with Derek it was different. Derek's touches were always firm and warm, always made him feel safe. Whether they were full embraces or casual brushes of fingers, every touch between the two was intimate and comforting. It killed Spencer not to be able to share that closeness with Derek when he seemed so desperate for comfort.

It thoroughly surprised Spencer, though, when he felt Derek blindly fumble around to reach for his hand, his shaky fingers intertwining with Spencer's. Spencer didn't say anything, though; he simply squeezed Derek's hand in response. They stayed quiet for quite some time until Derek's breathing slowed and a heavy sigh filled the room.

"You know what happened to me, don't you?" He asked ambiguously, blankly staring ahead at the wall on the other side of the room. It all clicked for Spencer, who smiled sadly and brushed his thumb over Derek's as he gave him a slow nod.

"I have an idea." He admitted quietly, neither of them making eye contact. Spencer nibbled on his lip in thought for a short while before he hesitantly told Derek, "You know you can tell me anything. As little or.. As much as you want to." Derek sucked in a sharp breath, the shakiness of his hand sending tremors up Spencer's own arm.

"I, um-" Derek began, and Spencer could hear the caution in his voice. "He- I was eleven." He said concisely, his bottom lip trembling in the shadow casted against the adjacent wall.

"My football coach, he- he, ah- Jesus Christ, I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm-" Derek instantly got choked up and buried his head back into his knees once again, his shoulders trembling as Spencer heard him sob faintly.

"He- God, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Spencer's heart broke when he heard the shame in Derek's voice. He reached over to Derek, tentatively placing his hand on his back, and when Derek leaned back into the touch automatically, Spencer took that as an invitation to pull him close to his side, Derek's shaking form curling up against him.

"Do you want to talk about the nightmare?" Spencer asked as he smoothed his hand down Derek's back. Derek was silent for a few moments, before he began to speak in a quaint murmur.

"I was throwing a ball back and forth with my pop. I was smiling, laughing at something he said. I looked away to reach down and grab the ball, but when I looked back up he was gone. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder, and suddenly there was no field, no laughter, no smiles. I was.. I was in the cabin where he.." Derek shook his head before his gulped and leaned back against Spencer's chest. "We weren't alone. I didn't see anyone else but I just knew. And then she was- she- It was Ruby. God, it was my baby." Spencer could feel Derek trembling with the force of his sobs before he went deathly still, then shot up to his feet.

"Oh, my God, Ruby." He said as he ran over to the dresser and began rifling through his things, throwing a set of clothes onto the bed as he pulled off his pajamas. Spencer stumbled to his feet as well, bewildered as he strode over to Derek and physically turned his body so he was facing Spencer and insisted, "Derek, stop, it's okay." But Derek wouldn't let Spencer placate him and promptly shoved the smaller man out of his way with ease, already pulling on his clothes.

"No. No, you don't understand. Something's wrong, I know it. Something's so, so wrong." He said as he began to slip on a pair of shoes. He let his hands roam over the floor until he found Spencer's pants and threw them at him, and Spencer obeyed Derek's silent command, quickly fumbling his way into his pants, not even bothering with a belt as he reached for his shoes. He watched Derek the entire time he laced them up, his hands shaking subtly as his breathing began to quicken. Dread settled in the pit of his stomach and he couldn't shake the feeling that something was off, something was wrong, just like Derek had said.

The car ride was tense and went by too fast and not fast enough, Derek's white knuckled grip on the steering wheel bringing them closer and closer to the unknown. When they pulled up to what Spencer easily presumed was Mr. and Mrs. Hayes' home, Derek looked just about ready to jump out of the car without even parking it. As fast as possible, the two leaped onto the pavement and ran up to the door, where Spencer immediately froze in place. Screaming. He heard screaming. Things being thrown, glass breaking, and oh god, was that crying? Derek immediately began pounding incessantly on the door, thanking whoever was out there that it was unlocked when he finally tried the handle.

The main room was a complete disaster, looking like a hurricane had just blown through it, leaving broken glass and splintered chairs behind to litter the floor. The worst part was that there was no sign of Ruby, nor Theresa or Michael. Running on sheer terror induced adrenaline, Spencer and Derek bounded up the stairs to follow the source of the screaming and yelling, the ear piercing sounds only growing louder with every step.

"There's somethin' wrong with her, jus' like her father! She ruined everythin', she never should'a been born!" Michael's slurred voice came from one of the bedrooms, Theresa's fearful tenor replying, "She's just a child, you leave her be!" When Spencer and Derek heard an audible slap followed by a pained whimper, they wasted no time as they rushed into the room where they found a stumbling Michael with his hand raised, Theresa on the floor holding her cheek. Spencer watched as something dark and violent immediately erupted inside Derek as he surged forward and tackled Michael to the ground, pinning him down on his stomach while he held his wrists in place. Michael was thrashing wildly under Derek, spewing barely comprehensible insults and curses that were muffled as his face was pressed into carpet.

"Theresa, call the police." Derek yelled to the woman, pressing his knee onto Michael's back to keep him from getting the drop on him as he turned around to look at Theresa. She had a look of pure shock on her face, simply staring at her husband as she shook like a leaf.

"Theresa, go!" Derek demanded once again while pushing Michael further down onto the carpet. His wife looked to Derek with uncertainty, blinking slowly at him before she clambered to her feet and scurried down the stairs to reach the phone. Spencer stood deathly still as he watched the scene play out, memories flooding his mind as the dam holding them back bursted.

He was eleven years old again, watching his father raise his hand, only to bring it back down on Spencer's cowering mother. His own crying drowned out the sound of his mother's, his father's booming voice telling him, "I'll give you something to cry about!" He was hiccuping, biting back sobs that only increased his father's anger. He had lunged at Spencer, only to be taken to the ground by his mother's swift kick to his knee. She was yelling at Spencer to run, to call for the police, to hide.

Spencer felt that same surge of protection his mother had felt all those years ago, and he looked to Derek just as he yelled, "Go find Ruby!" though his voice was simply a garbled sound to Spencer as his heart beat loud in his ears. Despite the shakiness of his legs and the feeling of being totally submerged under water, Spencer's body ran on autopilot in the direction of the only other room down the hall. He flung the door open, his eyes darting around for any sign of the young girl. Under the twin bed covered in a pink floral comforter stuck out a small, trembling foot clothed in a dinosaur printed sock. Spencer shut and locked the door behind him, dropping to his knees as he crawled to the bed, peeking underneath.

"Ruby? Ruby, it's me, it's Spencer." He said softly, reaching under the bed to take her hand. She jumped at the touch, then quickly scurried out from under the bed once her eyes landed on Spencer, throwing herself into his arms. The sound of her sobbing drowned out the voices of Derek and Michael arguing, and Spencer held the shaking girl impossibly close to his body.

"It's okay, you're safe. I've got you. Poppa has your grandpa in the other room, he can't hurt you or me. I won't let him. I promise." Spencer said with certainly, cradling Ruby's face to his chest as he rubbed slow circles on her back. With every pass of his hand, Ruby began to slowly but surely calm down, her sobs dwindling off into hiccups and sniffles. Spencer gave her a kiss on the head before pulling back to look at her straight on.

"Ruby, I need you to tell me what happened. Did your grandpa hurt you?" He asked as he held Ruby's tear stained face in his hands. She sniffled once again before she began to speak in a quaint, fearful voice that broke Spencer's heart.

"Grandma told me to wash my hands and come down to eat dinner. Grandpa was sitting at the table and drinking from one of those bottles poppa told me little girls can't have. He had his mean face on. Grandma brought out pasghetti, but it had the sauce on it. I don't like the sauce. She gave me some but I didn't want to eat it, it was too wet. Then grandpa yelled at me." Ruby was shaking in Spencer's arms as she recalled the details, and Spencer's blood ran cold when she paused and looked down, then back up at Spencer with frightened eyes.

"He told grandma I was the bad word, the mean word Nancy calls me. I told him poppa says no one should say that a-and.. He tried to hit me, but hitting is mean, you shouldn't hit. Grandma stopped him but he got madder and pushed her. She fell and there was a loud noise. I covered my ears and cried and grandpa got even madder. He grabbed my arm real, real tight and shook me, hard. I thought my brain was gonna fall out. He was yelling, but I didn't know what he was saying. Then he let go when grandma started yelling, too, and she told me to go hide, so I did. Then you came in. The end." Ruby recounted, her voice fading into a whisper as she looked down at the ground, burrowing closer to Spencer's chest. He sucked in a sharp breath at her words and looked at her warily.

"Can I see your arm, please? I won't hurt it." He asked. When Ruby held out her arm, Spencer looked down at her wrist and forearm, where finger shaped bruises were beginning to form. At that sight, total rage and fury bursted inside of him and it took everything he had not to go and beat Michael to a pulp.

"I- Ruby, we're going to go sit in the car together and wait for the police to come. They're going to take your grandpa away and make sure he can't hurt you or grandma or anyone." Spencer told Ruby reassuringly, though he himself was absolutely terrified. Ruby nodded wordlessly, throwing her arms around Spencer's neck as he picked her up, holding her head close to his shoulder as he rushed down the stairs. As he approached the door, he caught sight of Theresa, sitting on the kitchen floor sobbing. He looked to her in contemplation before he set Ruby down on her feet.

"I need you to listen and be a big girl right now, Ruby. You remember Jane, from our book? You have to be strong like Jane, just like at the hospital. Do you promise to be strong?" Spencer asked her, crouching down to her level and placing his hands on her shoulders. Ruby swallowed nervously, her bottom lip quivering as she nodded silently.

"Good. That's really, really good. I'm going to give you these keys, and you're going to go to the car and sit in the backseat. You're going to press this button," Spencer said, retrieving his set of Derek's keys from his pocket and pointing to the button that locked all the doors, "and wait for me to come and get you. Can you do that?" When Ruby gave Spencer another nod, he sighed heavily in relief and leaned forward to press a kiss to her forehead. "Go. Be brave." He encouraged, watching as she ran to the door and made her way over to the car.

As soon as Spencer heard the car door slam shut, he headed towards Theresa and asked, "Are you hurt?" She didn't respond, barely even acknowledging Spencer's presence as she trembled helplessly on the floor. As she brought her arms up to hold her knees to her chest, Spencer caught a flash of red and immediately cursed, getting to his feet and grabbing a roll of paper towels. He pressed it to the gash on Theresa's arm and she flinched under his touch, looking to him with wild eyes.

"It's okay. Derek's got your husband upstairs, Ruby's safe in the car. Did you call the police?" Spencer said as he kept pressure on her wound. She nodded slowly, letting Spencer continue his ministrations. Suddenly, she whispered ever so softly, "I'm sorry." Spencer smiled sadly at that and nodded, silently accepting her apology.

When they heard sirens approaching, Spencer helped Theresa to her feet and told her, "Go outside and stay with Ruby. I'm going to go upstairs and stay with Derek." She nodded her understanding and rushed out the door, briefing the approaching officers on the situation. Spencer shot up the stairs and into the bedroom where he saw Michael on his back with Derek straddling his hips as he landed punch after punch onto his already bloody face.

"Does it make you feel like a man to hit little girls, you sick son of a bitch?" Derek yelled into Michael's face, landing another punch to his jaw. Spencer rushed forward and grabbed Derek around the waist, trying desperately to hold him back.

"Derek, stop! Stop!" Spencer yelled helplessly, using every bit of strength to restrain his boyfriend. He kept his hold on Derek until the officers bursted through the door, one moving to seize Michael, the other looking to Spencer and Derek.

"Are either of you hurt?" She asked as her partner pulled Michael to his feet and cuffed him.

"We're fine. Our daughter, go help our daughter." Derek pleaded, wiping the blood off of his face. The officer gave a sharp nod and bounded back down the stairs, Derek and Spencer following close behind, preceded by Michael and the other officer. They both rushed out of the house and ran to Ruby, who yelled, "Poppa!" and launched herself into Derek's open arms while he lifted her up, squeezing her tight as she cried. Derek pulled Spencer into his side with his other arm and the three shared a tight embrace, both men whispering, "It's okay. We're okay, we're all okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." Lao Tzu


	11. Te He Querido, Te He Llorado

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it." Marcus Aurelius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter, sorry y'all! chapter name is from ivy queen's song of the same name, translation "i have loved you, i have cried for you"  
> http://youtu.be/vvp1UX2Z7JI  
> http://lyricstranslate.com/en/te-he-querido-te-he-llorado-i-have-loved-you-i-have-cried-you.html

Spencer had never hated hospitals as much as he did when he stepped inside one following the vicious events that had occurred earlier. Ruby was still in Derek's arms, refusing to let go of him for the whole trek to the hospital, barely even saying a word. When Derek saw the now angry, purple bruises on her arms, it took everything he had to not thrust Ruby into Spencer's arms and go finish Michael off in his holding cell. Spencer watched as Derek gently rubbed the tips of his fingers over the marks, his hands shaking violently. Spencer instinctively reached for Derek's free hand, lacing their fingers together. Derek didn't even blink at the touch, simply squeezing Spencer's hand and rubbing his thumb over his knuckles.

They sat for quite some time before the doctor who had tended to Theresa came out into the waiting room and offered the trio a sympathetic smile as Spencer and Derek asked in unison, "Is she okay?"

"Aside from the gash on her arm, she's just got some superficial scrapes and bruising. Physically, she should be fine." The doctor informed them, donning a frown as she said, "Domestic violence cases are always the worst. She's incredibly lucky to have gotten out of that situation alive, all of you are. Are you sure you don't want me to take a look at that cut, sir?" She directed her question to Derek, observing the wound just above his eyebrow where Michael had gotten a punch in. Derek adamantly shook his head, too concerned for his family at the moment.

"Alright. Would you like to see her?" The doctor asked, and both Spencer and Derek gave simple nods before rising to their feet, Derek murmuring to Ruby, "We're gonna go see grandma, baby." Ruby reacted with a simple hum, still desperately clinging to her father.

They all made the short trip to Theresa's room, Spencer opting to stand in the doorway while Derek sat by her bedside with Ruby. The two shared a long moment of silence before Theresa tearfully said, "I'm so sorry." She bit back a sob when her eyes landed on Ruby's bruising, looking to her granddaughter with watery eyes. Ruby craned her neck just slightly to take a look at her grandmother before she began squirming in Derek's arms, trying to climb onto the bed with her.

"Baby, no, grandma's hurt." Derek tried to say, but neither Theresa or Ruby paid any mind to his words, Theresa pulling her granddaughter to her side.

"Hitting is mean." Ruby whispered as she reached up to gently touch Theresa's face, her brow furrowed as she examined the bruising. She leaned forward and pressed a small kiss to the prominent purple mark under Theresa's eye and told her, "There. I made it better for you."

Ruby immediately frowned as tears spilled out from Theresa's eyes. "Don't be sad, Poppa and Spencer and me will keep you safe." She reassured her grandmother, curling up against her chest. Theresa held Ruby as tightly as she could given her wound, resting her chin on Ruby's head while murmuring, "Oh, I love you, sweetheart." Ruby gladly returned the sentiment, contently closing her eyes as she relaxed back into Theresa's welcoming touch.

Derek looked to Spencer with tears in his own eyes as he stood up from the chair, silently exiting the room with Spencer trailing behind him. They returned to their seats outside and Derek immediately wrapped his arms around Spencer, pressing him up against his side as Spencer rested his head on Derek's shoulder. He keened when Derek leaned down and gave his forehead a featherlight kiss, not used to the sudden influx of PDA. He wrapped one arm around Derek's waist while his free hand rested comfortably on his knee.

"Our daughter." Spencer said suddenly, rubbing his thumb along Derek's knee. When Derek looked to him for clarification, Spencer told him, "Our daughter. You told the officers to go help our daughter." His smile was evident in his voice as he recalled the memory, burrowed happily into Derek's side.

"I- Yeah. Yeah. She is." Derek said with a nod, looking down to Spencer and giving him a smile, the first one he had seen in days. The sight warmed Spencer's heart and he found himself easily returning the expression.

"Do you think she's going to start calling me 'daddy' now?" Spencer teased with a small smirk, earning a genuine chuckle from Derek, the sound music to Spencer's ears.

"No, but I might." Derek bantered with an easy grin, letting another laugh escape as Spencer shoved him and blushed deeply, eyes roaming around the room to check if anyone had heard them. With a content sigh, he snuggled up closer into Derek's side, grabbing his hand and intertwining their fingers.

"We're going to be alright." Spencer said with certainty. And when Derek nodded sharply, they both knew it was true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I demolish my bridges behind me - then there is no choice but to move forward." Fridtjof Nansen


	12. I've Come Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Nothing you do for children is ever wasted." Garrison Keillor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end to the grand epic! this is by far the longest chapter of the story, but i had so much i wanted to say before it ended! i'm planning on making this a series, adding little one shots and such. thank you all so much for reading, i love all of you! till next time <3

"Ruby Joy, if you don't get that cute little butt down here we're leaving without you!" Derek called up the stairs to his daughter as he pulled on his jacket, tapping his foot impatiently while Spencer just laughed at him.

"What?" He asked his boyfriend annoyedly. Spencer just shook his head and laughed once more before he said, "Nothing. I've just never seen you so eager to go dress shopping."

"Don't hate." Derek replied as he crossed his arms over his chest with an indignant pout. Spencer stifled another giggle, turning towards the stairs just as Ruby hopped into the main room. At the sight of her, Spencer pressed his lips together and desperately tried not to bust out laughing once again.

"Baby, what the hell are you wearing?" Derek asked as he took in her appearance. She was a hot mess, sparkly sandals on her feet while she donned a jersey that went down past her ankles. "Is that my old football jersey?" Derek inquired as he turned Ruby around to take a look at the back of the jersey that read, "MORGAN 27".

"I wanted to be like you, poppa." Ruby said as she looked down at the shirt shyly. Both Spencer and Derek shared a proud smile with one another, Derek chewing on his lip, deep in thought, before he said, "Stay here." Ruby looked to her father curiously before she shrugged, going over to plop down on the couch, pulling Spencer along by his hand.

"Are you excited to be seven, big girl?" Spencer asked with a bright smile, smoothing out the wrinkles on the jersey with his palms. Ruby nodded excitedly, grinning so wide it must've hurt her cheeks.

"Alright, baby, take that off." Instructed Derek as he exited the kitchen with a pair of scissors in his hands, and Ruby whined in protest but Derek simply shook his head, telling her, "I'm gonna make it look real nice."

Ruby blinked owlishly at her father before pulling the shirt up over her head and handing it to him. She leaned nonchalantly back into the couch, watching suspiciously as Derek began snipping into the shirt. When he was satisfied with the results, he looked to Ruby with a wide smile and tossed it back to her. Standing up, she pulled on the jersey, her head popping out to reveal a wide smile plastered on her face.

Derek had cut the bottom of the jersey so that the hem rested just above her navel where her denim shorts met the fabric, and the sleeves were trimmed so they were rolled up to her shoulders.

"There's my pretty girl." Derek told Ruby, looking her over with a grin. Ruby giggled and looked down at the shirt proudly.

"Can we go get my dress now?" She asked, bouncing excitedly. Derek nodded and helped her slide into her sweatshirt before taking her hand in his left, holding Spencer's with his right. Ruby skipped gleefully out the door and down the steps, climbing into her brand new booster seat, since, duh, big girls don't need car seats. She even buckled the seat belt all by herself. Seven going on seventeen, for sure.

The family made their way down to the mall, Ruby loudly singing happy birthday to herself the whole ride there. Derek and Spencer weren't sure if it was cute or if they should cut their ears off right then and there.

"Birthday dress, birthday dress, I'm getting my birthday dress!" Ruby singsonged as she skipped alongside Derek and Spencer, earning several glances from the people in Bloomingdales, some fond, some not, but none of them cared. All that mattered was that Ruby was happy. Once they had entered the children's section, Derek and Spencer watched as Ruby scoured the deepest depths of the dress racks determinedly. With each dress she pulled out, they had to give her approving looks, knowing that they had promised her she could pick out the dress all by herself. They quickly regretted that decision as she pulled out a sparkly red dress, only to realize that it was without a doubt made for older girls and women, as it had quite the amount of padding in the, erm, breast area. Ruby inspected it thoroughly, then turned to her fathers expectantly.

"I want this one." She said with certainty. Derek and Spencer shared a look, silently saying, "Not it!" Spencer cocked an eyebrow at Derek, pouting slightly while challenging him with his eyes, knowing fully well Derek couldn't say no to that face.

"You can't get that one." Derek squeaked out, immediately sighing when Ruby's face fell like she was about to cry. "It's for bigger girls. Older girls." He tried to explain. Ruby narrowed her eyes at him, then looked to the dress, then back to her father in sudden realization, saying loudly, "Oh, because it has boobies?"

As Spencer and Derek bit back their laughter, they heard an elderly woman shopping at the rack nearby gasp like someone had told her Pinterest was a shit website, or that her peach cobbler tasted like dirt. The sound was what broke the dam inside Spencer and Derek and soon they were throwing their heads back and howling, Ruby joining in alongside them, repeating for good measure as she thrusted the dress forward, "It's got boobies!" Spencer covered his mouth to muffle his giggles to no avail, Derek snorting as he shook his head at his daughter.

"Yeah, it's got boobies, baby. Now go pick another one." He said between giggles, wiping at his eyes and looking over to the woman guiltily. Ruby grinned as she hung the dress back up but not before giving a squeeze to the padding as she stared right at the woman then bounded off over to a new rack, leaving Derek and Spencer to deal with the fallout. Derek simply threw his arm over Spencer's shoulder proudly and grinned at her, giggling happily with his boyfriend when she scampered off with a 'hmph'.

"I'll get you back for that." Derek said pointedly. Spencer rolled his eyes, "Try me." written all over his face, that expression soon dropping when Derek said, "You're gonna give her the puberty talk, and tell her aaaall about boobies."

"Oh, that's so not fair. I didn't even make her!" Spencer argued, but Derek shook his head.

"I already gave her the kid version of the sex talk when you just had to get a taste of chocolate with the door wide open. She's still telling the kids at school that poppa says Spencer's got a 'tight little ass'." Derek recalled with a shudder, Spencer blushing profusely at his words, mumbling, "S'not my fault you look so good in workout gear." Derek chuckled and shook his head at Spencer, pressing a kiss to his cheek before sighing.

"I'm scared about that, man." He confessed while idly rubbing Spencer's shoulder. "Sex. Boys - or girls. Whoever. Peer pressure, the good touch/bad touch talk. Knowing the kind of people that are out there, how sick and perverted they can be, I just- I'm so scared I can't keep her safe forever. I'm scared I'll mess up. " Derek squeezed Spencer closer, staring off into the distance as Ruby held up several dresses to herself.

"Sometimes I wish she had a mom to talk to about this stuff." He mumbled mostly to himself, but Spencer caught wind of his words and nodded in response. It only made sense for Derek to be thinking about Savannah on the day that she had died. How ironic it was that the happiest day of his life was also the worst.

"She might not have a mom, but she does have two pretty cool dads. I think that counts for something." Spencer affirmed with his hand on Derek's thigh. Derek looked to Spencer with a warm smile on his face and nodded in agreement before giving him a brief kiss.

"Stop giving Spencer cooties!" Ruby yelled as she approached them, hand on her hip in annoyance while she held out the dress she had finally decided on. Derek gave her a stern look that failed miserably to reprimand her as he couldn't help but smile at his daughter. Grabbing her hand, Derek led Ruby into the dressing room for a few brief moments until Ruby bursted through the curtains proudly. She posed dramatically for Spencer who clapped loudly, sincerely approving of her decision, a floral printed sleeveless dress with a shiny gold belt around the waist.

"I look HOT." Ruby announced to the whole store with a proud smirk and a nod, Derek and Spencer's faces heating up in embarrassment even as they bit back another case of the giggles.

"No, you look pretty. You're not allowed to be hot, not on my watch." Derek said as he ushered Ruby back into the dressing room, shushing her as she began to protest.

Apparently Derek wasn't a very good reader. The dress was not, in fact, $36 but rather $236. He nearly shit himself as the grand total with Ruby's choice of shoes and matching floral sunglasses brought them over $300. He was in too deep to say no, though, and took the hit to his wallet like a man, making sure to keep his tears to a minimum.

"She's so fucking lucky she's cute." Derek grumbled to Spencer as the cashier handed back his credit card. Spencer hummed his agreement, holding Ruby's hand as they trekked back to the car.

Setting for the party was an absolute nightmare. On top of figuring out where to seat everybody in their small back yard and dining area, as well as making sure Ruby didn't mush her face into the cake every three seconds, Derek and Spencer also had to baby proof the entire house with improvised objects. Derek's long time friend was bringing her and her fiancé's three year old daughter along with them, and one of the PTA moms Spencer had managed to befriend was bringing her fourteen month old (One, Spencer reminded himself. The child was one.) At least Derek's boss's kid was nine, which implicated him as honorable babysitter for the day. Then there was the issue of making sure Ruby didn't put her dress on until the very last minute because if she managed to even get a drop of something on the thing, Derek was sure he'd put her up for adoption. Not really, but still. Fucking $300 dresses.

Just as 3:00 rolled around, Spencer sent Ruby upstairs to put on her outfit by herself after she proudly told him with a pointed glare that she 'didn't need no help'. Once she was in the comfort of her own bedroom, Spencer approached a silently freaking out Derek and placed his hands on his boyfriend's shoulders.

"Relax." He instructed simply, firmly rubbing the strained muscles in Derek's arms. The tension slowly left his body as he leaned into Spencer's grounding touch, taking a deep breath and nodding. When the doorbell rang, his eyes widened comically and he cursed, looking at the clock on the wall.

"Fuck, that's probably Penelope and Dave." Derek said as he made his way over to the door before he paused and turned to Spencer.

"I should probably warn you, Pen's a little bit, uh.. Eccentric." Spencer scoffed and chuckled lightly, too eager to meet the infamous and mysterious Penelope Garcia, pushing Derek forward towards the door. It promptly flew open to reveal a short but curvy blonde woman with armfuls of balloons and bags that she immediately dropped to the floor as she ran to Derek yelling, "There's my big black twelve-pack!"

Whatever Spencer was expecting it certainly wasn't.. That. He gaped at the two as they shared an embrace, Derek announcing, "Ice-T missed his Coco, too, baby." Spencer turned to the door, looking to Penelope's fiancé, Dave, helplessly searching for some sort of answer. He simply shrugged, balancing a very bored looking three year old girl on his hip, who was picking her nose and inspecting it. Lord help them.

"Spencer, this is Penelope." Derek said awkwardly as he pulled back from the woman's embrace, clearing his throat and looking to the floor.

"Oh, aren't you just the cutest thing!" Penelope squealed as she surged forward to bring Spencer in a hug, but Spencer dodged it last minute mumbling, "I have a.. Germ thing." Penelope looking at him and thoughtfully nodded, settling to pat him on the shoulder instead.

"Where's my favorite little Hershey kiss? Saffy's been going crazy without any friends in Italy. Right, doll?" She said as she made grabby hands at what Spencer assumed was her daughter, her father eagerly handing her over.

"Mama, present." The little girl said, wiping her booger coated finger on her mother's arm. Spencer looked horrified while Derek and Dave simply laughed as Penelope scrunched her face up.

"I- Thank you, Saffy, that's very nice of you. Maybe next time put it on a tissue for mama." She said with a pat to the girl's back.

"Rue's upstairs. She insisted on putting her dress on herself. I can't wait to see how that worked out." Derek said with a snort, then turned to the small girl and said to Spencer, "This is little Saffron. Ain't she sweet?" He booped her on the nose and she simply blinked at him, giving a stare that read, "Touch me and your family will see your body being pulled out of the river on the news".

"Like father like daughter." Derek mumbled as Saffron continued to stare coldly at him.

"I heard that, asshole." Dave said lightheartedly as he stepped forward to shake Derek's hand and clap him on the shoulder.

"Yeah. Asshole." Saffron repeated, looking to her father with a grin as if to ask, "Did I do good?" Dave looked almost proud before he gave his daughter a stern look and chastised, "You can't say that word."

Saffron cocked her head, asking, "Why?"

"Because, bambina, that word makes mama mad, and when mama's mad she doesn't give papà special cuddles at night time, which makes papà very, very sad." Dave told his daughter simply, looking to his fuming fiancé.

"Yes, and papà's lucky he's got lots and lots of money or mama would never, ever give him any cuddles at night again." She replied in a sickeningly sweet voice, nuzzling Dave's nose as he laughed and shook his head at her.

Spencer watched the scene play out in horror, tugging on Derek's sleeve and stage whispering, "Are they always like this?" Derek simply laughed and wrapped his arm around his boyfriend's waist, pulling him over to plant a kiss on his cheek.

"He calls Pen 'my sexy little gold digger' so much that Saff thinks that's her name." Derek said casually with another laugh as Spencer shuddered.

"Auntie Penny!" Ruby's excited squeal pierced the room as she bounded down the stairs and thrusted herself into Penelope's open arms.

"Hello, my little gumdrop! You're so big! Oh, I have so many presents for you." Penelope exclaimed, pressing kisses all over Ruby's face as she squirmed.

"That's my mama!" Saffron cried out indignantly, arms crossed over her chest as she pouted and glared at Ruby, "I only got one mama and one papà. She got two!"

All the adults in the room took in a sharp breath, looking to Ruby and praying to the tear fairy not to let her bust out crying. Instead, she smiled and walked over to Saffron, taking her small hand in hers and telling her with an eye roll, "No one's allowed to be grumpy on my birthday, silly."

Saffron looked up at the older girl with skeptical eyes before she nodded slowly and let Ruby pull her into the toy room with a look that said, "This isn't over, bitches." The parents finally let out heavy sighs of relief, Derek, Penelope, and Dave all cracking up while Spencer stared at them in utter disbelief. Is this what parenthood is?

Soon after that, all of the guests had managed to pile into Derek and Spencer's small home, the kids all sitting outside while Derek watched them from the window like a hawk. Ruby, Saffron, and Derek's boss's son, Jack, all sat around playing with a few of Ruby's dolls, engaged in a very serious conversation.

"Nancy said my doll had ugly hair 'cause it's all curly." Ruby said with a frown, running her fingers along her own kinky hair.

"Nancy is a asshole." Saffron replied simply. Jack looked at her with wide eyes, hands stilling in his doll's hair mid-braid as he hissed out, "You're not supposed to say that!" Ruby nodded her agreement, looking around the yard to see if any grown ups were listening. Saffron just rolled her eyes at them and busied herself with pulling on her doll's dress, and it took everything inside Derek not to bust out laughing. Spencer watched his boyfriend with kind eyes, smiling impossibly wide at his goodhearted and paternal nature before he furrowed his brow when something switched inside Derek. That warm, content expression was suddenly wiped away and replaced with something so sad and distraught that it made Spencer's heart clench.

He watched as Derek wordlessly rose to his feet and slunk away from the small crowd and headed up the stairs. With a frown, Spencer excused himself from his conversation with Theresa and PTA Mom Jennifer 'Call Me JJ' to follow Derek to their bedroom. When he found him, he was sitting on the edge of the bed with an old photo in his hands, thumbing the frayed edges absentmindedly. Once Spencer gave a hesitant knock to the door frame, Derek shot to his feet and placed the photo on the comforter face down, as if it were something to be ashamed of. Spencer simply shook his head and strode over to the bed, taking the photo in his hand and glancing down at it before handing it to Derek with a sigh and a soft smile.

"It's okay to miss her." He said gently, rubbing Derek's knuckles with his thumb. His eyes trailed down to the photo of Savannah, smiling and heavily pregnant with Ruby while Derek had her face in his hands, pressing a kiss to her nose. Spencer smiled at the picture, reaching up to cup Derek's cheek in encouragement. The older man nuzzled into the touch and, with a shaky exhale, he nodded and let his eyes flutter closed.

"I know. I just- Sometimes I wish she was here. She loved Ruby. She really did. It was rocky at first - up until the end, really - but she loved her. She should get to see her baby grow up." He looked down and paused, sniffling before continuing, "But then there are times when I'm.. Almost glad she isn't. We couldn't get along. We never agreed on a single thing. Hell, this picture was pretty much the only time we were ever smiling at one another. I wonder what kind of life we could've given Ruby, fighting all the time like that. I wouldn't be the same person if Savannah was still around, and I don't think Ruby would be, either. And then I would've never met you." Derek mumbled, his arms wrapping around Spencer's waist to pull him closer. Spencer gave a small, hopeful smile, leaning into place his lips against Derek's.

"You know I kind of love you, right?" He said while idly stroking Derek's cheekbone. Derek returned the smile and nodded, rubbing his nose against Spencer's and murmuring, "I kinda love you, too, you big nerd."

Spencer rolled his eyes at that before pecking Derek's lips once again and telling him, "We should start opening presents." He went to pull away from Derek, but the other man simply held him closer.

"Speaking of presents.." He began, waggling his eyebrows and laughing when Spencer widened his eyes, clarifying, "That kinda present is for later. This kind is for now." He reached over to the night table, pulling out from one of the drawers a stack of papers. Thrusting them into Spencer's hands, he watched his boyfriend accept them incredulously and grinned to himself when Spencer read the contents of the first page at lightning speed.

"Derek, this is- These are legal guardianship forms." He said as if Derek wasn't aware. Spencer's heart began to beat rhythmically in his chest, the words on the pages all blurring together as his eyes welled up with tears.

"You really want me to..?" Spencer asked, blinking away some of his tears as he looked back up to Derek, who simply nodded and pressed their foreheads together.

"Never been so sure of anything in my life." He mumbled with a kiss to Spencer's nose, asking, "Talk later?"

"Mm. Come on, I'm sure Ruby's going to have an aneurysm if we don't let her open her gifts." Spencer huffed out a laugh, intertwining his fingers with Derek's to pull him out into the hall, where he pressed Spencer against the wall for one last kiss.

"Papá says stop swapping spits!" Saffron's high little voice called up the stairs, her arms crossed over her chest as she repeated her father's words verbatim. Spencer and Derek both heard Dave yell something incoherent as he rushed forward to scoop her up and cover her mouth.

"Your mama's gonna kill me, bambina." He said with a heavy sigh, to which Saffron replied with a sweet smile, "Not if I kill you first, silly." Dave seemed completely unfazed, as if death threats from a three year old were common place, and simply carried her off into the dining room, leaving Spencer and Derek staring at them in utter shock before Derek started cracking up.

"That's not funny! What if Ruby said that?!" Spencer hissed as he slapped Derek's arm, but he only laughed harder.

"She once told one of the kids at daycare, 'Get out of the fucking way, jack off!'. Apparently she heard me say it while driving. I had to leave the room I was laughing so hard." He said between giggles, doing his best Ruby impression. Spencer just stared at him, then sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose before mumbling, "How did I become the responsible dad when I'm not even a dad?"

With a shake of the head, Derek led Spencer down the stairs, where they were met with a very pissed and impatient looking Ruby. The expression on her face read, "We'll talk about this later, young men." as she grabbed both of their hands and tugged them into the main room where everyone was gathered around. She plopped down in the center of the room and asked exasperatedly, "Can I open my presents before I get grays?"

With a snort, Derek replied, "Do you even know what that means?" Ruby paused, then shook her head and said, "No. But it's gotta be real serious."

"Open your presents, silly bug." Derek told her as he shook his head, pushing the box from him and Spencer towards her. With a victorious yell, Ruby immediately began tearing into the wrapping paper with an inordinate amount of enthusiasm. When she had peeled enough of the paper away to get a glimpse of what was inside, she screamed bloody murder and shot to her feet, bouncing up and down while holding the box to her chest like a precious jewel. She yelled out, "American Girl!" thrusting it forward for everyone around her to see.

"She's so pretty! I want to marry her!" Ruby turned to her father, shoving the doll in his face for emphasis before she said, "Thank you!" She climbed into Derek's lap and squeezed him with all her strength, effectively cutting off his oxygen supply for a minute.

"Don't thank me, it was Spencer's idea." He said once he finally sucked in a few breaths. He looked over to the aforementioned man with a wide smile and gave him a wink, urging Ruby towards him. She gladly wrapped her arms around him, giving him a wet kiss to his cheek as she said, "Thank you, poppa Spencer!"

Everyone around the room cooed at the sight, Penelope managing to snap a photo with her phone while even Dave and little Saffron seemed pleased by Ruby's words. Spencer was near tears, looking down at Ruby as he hesitantly gave her a hug back, maybe squeezing her just a bit tighter than usual.

"You're welcome, Ruby." He said quietly, then paused and told her in a small voice, "I love you, kiddo."

She grinned at his words, her dazzling smile lighting up the whole room as she told Spencer, "Olive you, too."

Ruby eagerly tore through the rest of her presents, passing around friendly hugs and kisses to everyone in thanks. Penelope, of course, had managed to easily upstage everyone, as she had gotten Ruby a totally unnecessary amount of Italian toys, clothes, and books. Her and Dave had argued about the books, but Spencer was eager to get to read them to Ruby. The kid already had such eclectic tastes when it came to things in different languages, anyways. PTA Mom Jennifer 'Call Me JJ', who Spencer slowly but surely began calling her by her actual name in his head, gifted Ruby with a little musical jewelry box that had a fairy on top of it, which Ruby proudly named Desdemona. Jack and his father, Aaron, gave her an art set, complete with an easel and markers galore, and Spencer and Derek didn't even want to think about just how often they'd be cleaning marker stains out of the carpet. Ruby received an Elsa doll from Theresa, and Saffron had curiously asked, "Mama, when Elsa goes pee-pee does it freeze?" No one wanted to answer that, because it seemed as though they were all considering it, too.

Once everything was said and done, Derek and Spencer began cleanup as one by one the guests headed out, all wishing Ruby the happiest of birthdays. Theresa was the last to go, giving both Derek and Spencer a kiss goodbye before she turned to little Ruby and slowly crouched down in front of her, saying, "I've got one last present for you, sugar." Ruby visibly perked up at that, wiggling in anticipation with outstretched arms.

"I want you to be very careful with this now, alright?" Theresa told Ruby, waiting for the girl to nod her understanding before she reached into her purse and pulled out an old wooden picture frame. She paused to look down at it for a moment and took a deep breath before she turned her now tearful eyes back to Ruby.

"This- This is your momma, Ruby." Theresa gingerly placed the photo in Ruby's waiting hands, trailing her trembling finger along the wood as she told Ruby in a wavering voice, "Her name was Savannah. She was seven years old here, just like you. Grandma took this picture on her birthday."

On the other side of the room, standing next to Spencer, was Derek, whose back was stick straight, his whole body tense as he tried to keep himself from succumbing to his feelings of grief. Without a single word, Spencer reached for the other man's hand, letting him squeeze as hard as he desired.

"You look more and more like her everyday, baby. And grandma looks at you and sees that same beautiful little girl in your eyes. I know your momma would be so proud of you, Ruby. You are so brave and kind. Don't you ever let this world make you cold, little one. You are so, so special, perfect the way you are." Theresa continued with her hands on Ruby's tear stained face.

"Why did she leave, grandma?" She asked, her voice choked up and broken, the sound of it making Derek whimper softly.

"She didn't, baby. She's still here, always with you - right in your heart. And she loves you very much." Theresa told her granddaughter with certainty, placing one hand over her heart. Ruby sniffled and bit back a sob as she placed the picture down carefully before letting Theresa wrap her up in a tight embrace. Spencer did the same to Derek, feeling his shirt dampen with poorly stifled tears. He felt his own eyes began to well with tears, but quickly composed himself, as he felt he had no right to cry.

"Poppa, can we leave a piece of my birthday cake out for momma? Maybe she'll come and sing happy birthday to me." Ruby asked after she turned to face her father, those pretty brown eyes puffy and wet. Derek huffed out a tearful laugh and smiled at his daughter, nodding as he said, "I- I think she would like that, baby." Ruby smiled at that and held up her arms, silently asking her father for a hug. He easily complied, lifting her up and holding her close to his chest.

"Let's go get that now, okay?" Derek told Ruby while wiping at his weeping eyes. When Ruby didn't protest, Derek carried her off into the kitchen, leaving Spencer alone with a grieving Theresa. He approached her hesitantly, reaching out a hand to place on her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Ms. Richards." He said genuinely, knowing to use the woman's maiden name as she wanted nothing to do with her now ex husband. When she smiled sadly at Spencer and pulled him into a hug, Spencer's eyes drifted to the dark scar on her arm and he squeezed her in response.

"I want to thank you for everything you have done for this family, Spencer." Theresa said, punctuating her sentence with a firm squeeze to Spencer's shoulder.

"I will never be able to forgive myself for the way I treated you, or the way I put my granddaughter in danger. That will forever be on me. But I am so thankful that Ruby and Derek have you around. You are a blessing." As Theresa pulled away from the embrace, she pressed a kiss to Spencer's cheek and laughed softly when he turned scarlet, reassuring him, "Don't worry, you're not my type." She joked lightly, and Spencer found himself easily laughing along with her.

Soon enough, Derek and Ruby had brought out a sizable slice of cake, decked out with a single pink candle. Ruby steadily placed the slice on the table, kneeling down to blow out the candle as she said, "Goodnight, momma."

Everyone smiled down at the young girl, all wiping at their eyes when she rose to her feet and told them all, "Don't be sad. Momma's still here." They all nodded their agreement, and Theresa leaned down to give her granddaughter a kiss goodbye, the two sharing sincere "I love you"'s before Theresa bid them all goodnight.

Getting Ruby into bed wasn't much of a hassle, but she did have to make sure her new American Girl doll, proudly named Savannah, was swaddled in a blanket and tucked in next to her. She gave her hugs and kisses to Derek and Spencer, whom she was still calling 'poppa Spencer', and fell asleep within minutes, arms curled around the doll protectively. Hands intertwined, Derek and Spencer whispered their final "goodnight"'s and headed down the hall the their bedroom, where they silently began changing for the night. They fell back onto the bed, Spencer scooting up towards Derek and snuggling up to his chest, though he kept his eyes open even as Derek's fluttered shut.

With a secret smile on his face, Spencer rolled over onto his side, fumbling around inside one of the bedside table's drawers. When his fingers brushed over the hard plastic of a pen, he sat up and switched on the light, reaching for the papers laid neatly on the table.

"Babe, what the hell are you doing?" Derek grumbled, shoving the side of his face into one of the pillows. Spencer just shook his head at his boyfriend, pulling the papers into his lap and making a show of signing them. Derek's eyes widened, a giddy grin spreading across his face as he slowly sat up and leaned back against the headboard, grabbing Spencer's free hand in his.

"Really?" He asked Spencer excitedly. The other man responded with a simple nod, laying his head on Derek's shoulder. Spencer let out a happy sigh before placing the papers back on the table and resettling himself into Derek's open arms.

"Really." He said quietly against Derek's chest, and even with his eyes closed, he could still see that dazzling smile he fell in love with on Derek's face.

"Hey, Der?" Spencer said softly while trailing his fingers up Derek's thigh. The other grinned down at him, humming in response as he smoothed his hand down Spencer's arm.

"I think I'd like to open that other present now." Spencer replied with a small smirk, climbing into Derek's lap with a shy giggle. Derek let his head fall back as he barked out a laugh, placing his hands on Spencer's hips and leaning in for a kiss. Spencer smiled easily against Derek's lips before he pulled back to switch off the light, his eyes lingering on the papers as he sighed happily and melted into Derek's warm embrace, realizing they had all the time in the world to spend in one another's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin." Mother Theresa


End file.
